While contemplating thes issues regarding the collective grief teamed with my own sense of having been betrayed by people close to me almost simultaneously, I decided to put down a few thoughts on depression. I felt very upset, hysterical and suicidal yesterday, and have not had that severe an "attack" for ten years. I can see that the shooting affected me a great deal as it lingers in the very air that I breathe, but also that feelings of rejection and being abandoned came out of the very depths of my being.
One is, as someone pointed out, that many people today are probably going through a lot of changes and so one needs to try and be compassion about the occasional slip of the ego. I do believe this to be true though it doesn't necessarily make me feel any better at the moment nor help me deal with certain upsetting situations. It's interesting that I read the second article about spiritual depression within a short time span, and I certainly liked Marianne's much better as she was talking out of her own experience. The first one was the one that got me into trouble and that I mentioned in my last blog. Anyway, I do not really feel that I understand what has been said in these articles. To me, it tells me something that people feel a need to use a new term such as "spiritual depression". Now it obviously means, that people are spiritually aware yet depressed at the same time. For some reason that is unclear to me, they want to join these together. Perhaps it's what I have, only I've called it "existential anxiety" or another bout of the real "dark night of the soul" (see previous blog). I don't really feel very connected to "Source" or whatever you want to call the creative force, and it bothers me. I feel guilty about it.
Now feeling guilty of being depressed is certainly a sign of the times. Although it's starting to become a dinner table subject as more and more people confess to popping the happy pill, it's still something you rather not mention as you know that people will shun you. Especially if you don't pop the happy pill! The woman who channelled messages to me in the summer implied at the end in a rather manipulative voice that I "must be highly depressed"; it sums it all up; doesn't it - it's the easy and rather superior answer when you want to get away from someone who makes you feel uncomfortable.
Yet as the links below will show, you may suffer from a longing of "the light" or our basic nature, and thus life as we know it may feel hollow. On the other hand it's not very clear to me how you remedy this state of affairs if you're dysthymic enough or mentally and physically fatigued (for instance suffering a burn out which is becoming more and more common these days) since simply "telling yourself you're beautiful in front of the mirror and smiling at the image every morning" may not be an option at the time. Very likely you also suffer guilt from not being able to pull yourself together. It's amazing how many poeple still think it's a matter of getting a grip or scooping the crap underneath the carpet. Also don't forget the "power" of hopelessness that can stifle you completely. One example would be that of disabled people who get no support to keep them busy and motivated, and they also cannot gain a few bucks because they are dependent on the social service. This is because the basic pension is too low.
There are many kinds of depression, that is true. Make sure you don't fall into the category of "people who are a bit sad and need medication". Make sure that you deal with your issues in daylight and hope that it will help you have a good night's sleep. If that doesn't help, it may be that you're suffering from dysthymia, which is a mild but chronic depression that is hard to fix. It could have deep existential origins - perhaps something that nothing really can cure until you decide to accpet life as such (this is hard for many), and of course it can stem from unresolved issues from your childhood. Don't immediately assume that it's just a matter of chemical imbalance, hey come on! I mean yes, things affect other things in the body and our energies. Still, ff you eat right and exercise, the odds are small that your hormones are all screwed up. But if you do feel grief that never ends, maybe some form of therapy could help if you can afford it. It is NORMAL to feel grief and loss, but maybe not for months or years. Life does go on, so don't discount the power of self-healing.
One important thing that I wish to repeat is that many sensitive and empathic people absorb collective energies, and I think that I personally had a pretty heavy load of that due to the shooting in this country. After all, it would upset most people that kids get shot for no reason at all.
I also want to underline that many of the unpleasant side effects that people go through when they take the happy pill (loss of libido and creativity, the zest of life, etc.), could occur if you are taken these medecines unnecessarily. It's only normal that your body would react to something that is out of place. These view points are not made by a medical authority, and so I am only telling what I have concluded over the years. It has for instance been proven that people with fibromyalgia rarely respond to anti-depressants though they show signs of distress and irritability.
P.S. Karen from Univision kindly sent me these links that might answer some questions, and another kins person who recognized my situation gave me links to self-healing if you still have emotional issues from your childhood:
A Spiritual View of Depression
A Spiritual View of Depression: The Boundary of Self
A Spiritual View of Depression: The Hunger for Light
A Spiritual View of Depression: The Light That Shines in the Darkness
A Spiritual View of Depression - Living With the Unknown
Spiritual Healing of Anxiety and Panic DisordersA Spiritual View of Mental Illness
Artwork: "The Vocation", collage by author, copyright 2008
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