It's my experience that positive and negative feelings are perfectly capable of co-existing in a person. This is yet another reason why some of the chakra books are in my mind quite silly; how often do you not hear that if your heart is closed, then you're a callous person. Nothing in my own life points to the idea that I am a callous person through and through even though I've had problems with opening up emotionally and still don't feel quite balanced. Basically, if upper levels of consciousness are well developed it's going to show, even if the chakras are temporarily closed or just "troubled". By temporarily I mean anything from a few seconds to a few decades, if not even more (though I doubt this is possible). I think that a "deeper insight into life" as I call it for convenience's sake, will make itself known in a way of poking at your attention, wanting you to sort yourself up, clear out emotional garbage and become a more whole individual.
It's all very well... but at some point you might run out of fuel. I got seriously tired of staring at my own navel, dealing with endless emotional issues... year in and year out. To be fair, entering a solid relationship changed my perspective a bit as there isn't a whole lot you can do about all the things that pop up during your journey together. Basically I just expect matters to take their own course, much as they used to, but with less active involvement from myself. Finding a new way to live is already a lot of work... I no longer have the same time to spend so you deal with issues when they come up and when you have a convenient slot. You talk, you agree, you decide to try and do better next time... on it goes. I'm sure it's going somewhere. You rest assured that as you get used to each other, it all gets easier. In our case, we've lived a long life without this sort of committed relationship and it isn't easy to change gear.
For sure, I've also been wondering about the collective energies... people seemed dazed and eager to numb themselves up, and as they push positive emotions aside they are more likely to act out their ruthless instincts. I feel that I'm not the only one who feels tired and overwhelmed by the scope of personal and collective problems. Basic survival is something so many are dealing with... all the more reason to come down from an over-intellectualizing stance and work on grounding oneself in a reality that isn't all that pleasant - I know it doesn't seem like it but I'm sure that any kind of grounding will help in the long run!
Over at the integral website people have been attacking each other like wild animals in a cage, presumably trying to protect their territory with the use of one of the most potent of weapons, a high intelligence quota. It's no doubt a sign of the times... and where better to act out all the Shadow issues that want to be known than in a community where people trigger your deepest fears or your most potent irritation. I believe we are all under a lot of pressure. I offered the view point that maybe people are frustrated with other people in their real lives, yet feeling quite helpless, and taking it out on each other within a virtual community... I say this because I myself feel extremely frustrated with people in general. If a big corporation tries to screw me over, I experience almost blind hatred and I will not give up until I have fought the beast - I simply cannot tolerate falsehood and greed. This stubbornness of mine has usually generated some kind of results, for instance the withdrawal of further payments for a complete and utter pile of garbage a company called a laptop. The Finnish company Sonera had sold me this PC a number of years ago. In total, I spent 400 out of 700 euros on it, a price I could just barely accept. Never in the history of such purchases (with monthly instalments since it was all I could afford) had a customer actually been given into. I was triumphant but it was at the expense of my peace of mind over a period of several months. I'm assuming that part of my extreme emotional reactions to things is due to my condition, which after all is endlessly revolving around the issue of fight and flight.
As for individuals, well it's not easy. When you relocate to a new culture, you have plenty figure out. Add to this the erratic energies at this point in time, as well as personal issues with health and money, and you have a cocktail that is difficult to digest. Sometimes when I listen to music from the 1960s it hits me how light and airy everything seemed compared to now. Now it seems we are all wrapped in a dark blanket, with fear of suffocation. It's easy to say that your reactions are a choice, even my husband goes on about it. But if you feel deeply, you don't necessarily feel that you have a choice. It's more about riding the storm, about surviving without losing your mind, about not giving up. What is remarkable is that all of us, in my close family, feel that something is going to change. We have had dreams and intuitions. You keep reminding yourself that it's the darkest before dawn... and I mean really dark. Don't feel too guilty about not always feeling all encompassing compassion. It's not necessarily a case of not having any. For instance, every time I think of organ donation I sincerely wish I could give my healthy organs away to someone in need. In fact I get incredibly emotional about it. I think that counts as compassion. I also see other random signs of compassion in myself, and when it's there, it's forceful. Sometimes my heart feels to big for my chest... But I also have dark feelings, ones that I really feel guilty about, and though I think "I am feeling this because it's reflecting my Shadow self and it needs attention", I simply don't have the stamina to deal with all of it. I resolve to give myself a bit of a break during these hard times.
I read this article on the idea that "positive thinking" isn't very fruitful. Read it, it's thought provoking. Of course, the point is not to think negatively, as the title suggests. The poit, in my opinion, is to be realistic. This is what I think: Have a goal but don't just day dream about it... take proper action, pretty much like the Chinese would say. If you can't do anything concrete, you need patience until the time is right. Think about the obstacles and how you can remove them - if you feel you can't, then can you get back to it later or find another way? Can you just trust that it will work out somehow if it's something that will be really useful on your journey towards a greater you? I know it's very easy to get entangled in all sorts of complicated thought processes which contradict one another. Try and keep the basic idea simple, is my advice. Feel what you want in life rather than just thinking it. Is it real, is it what you really wish for, or is it just a pointless idea that doesn't really fit into your existence? Is it part of an intuition about your true potential in this life or is it just wishful thinking? Are you prepared to take the responsibilities that this particular path will manifest? Engage in the thoughts and feelings but then leave them be when you have decided that it's a goal that is truly worth pursuing. It's important to relax and let go of any attempts at controlling the outcome. You can always come back to it at a later point in time when more thinking is useful. It's useful to trust that if it's meant to be, it will be, and vice versa.
I like to be pragmatic about life and what we have been "given" in terms of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual functions. I don't want to deem any of it as bad but rather, look at it and see how this function can be used to one's advantage. Perhaps this is how you become less of a slave to conditioning that doesn't serve you. Remember, that "positive thinking" is as heavily polarised as negative thinking, and that in fact you need a mixture of all sorts of thinking and feeling in order to make things happen in this world. Don't fight the misgivings, the insight into the obstacles... embrace them and relax into the vision you have, with all its aspects... a little bit of fear can fuel your realism, just don't let it take over so much it hinders your movements. Also remember that the more likely your actions are to help others, the more likely you are to be following a good path that is inspired from your core self. It's not easy, in fact at the moment I personally feel terrible polarised and conflicted on the inside. But... in a few decades people will think our attitudes were mighty strange! They will laugh at the very notion that positive thinking on its own would get you anywhere. How much a slave of collective ideas are you?
Artwork: "Be Merry For You Won't Die", handmade mixed media collage by Vivi-Mari Carpelan, copyright 2012
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