My previous blog stirred some unfortunate havoc at another place where I posted it, but it also inspired thoughts on anger. I do hope people who read it realized it was partly an old blog that I wanted to find a home for, and so I got the idea of joining it with thoughts I had yesterday. However, the issue of anger is an important one and while the adrenaline is still flowing, lol, I thought to post a few of my thoughts. It's not comprehensive by any means and I will probably get all sorts of answers that throw me, but here it is anyway...:
Sometimes things just build up in our lives and they are out of your control and so you feel anger or frustration. It's normal, if not even necessary. Especially for women it's important to recognize their anger so that they don't end up feeling victimized. Being softer and more empathic than men, we are probably more prone to this 'condition'. I think being zen-like is often a false attitude. I feel that many spiritually attuned people adopt this attitude because it's cool and they feel in control, but it doesn't feel real to me at all. It's a way of the powergames, of patronizing and trying to make you submissive. To TRULY reach such a state you have to be very accomplished indeed. Usually the 'fake' type of zen-like people (the hypocrites) are know alls and will do anything to prove other people wrong with their sheer attitude of superiority. They may be good at manipulation, subtle techniques of rulership. Then there are people who are angry all the time. This is the A-type and they obviously have a problem. Note that I do not agree that we should be angry all the time, it's hardly constructive to anyone. Then there are the ones that are angry for a good reason, when it seems appropriate in relation to the situation at hand. Think for instance of the 'holy anger' of Jesus.
There's a forever ongoing discussion of whether we should act out the anger we feel or not. Most research seems to indicate that if we don't, we'll have psychosomatic troubles and risk becoming ever more bitter people later in life (look at some old women who had a disappointing life but had to be quiet because the husband willed it). The best thing is to try and find a safe way of acting it out but of course it's in the nature of anger to be very impulsive. I believe men should contain some of it, of course, but to remove it altogether as in some kind of lobotomy would be to remove a part of our defense system. It's of course good to try and take the compassionate stand, however I find that it usually comes afterwards... Unfortunately. They also say that it's better for couples to vent their frustration every once in a while. A partnership without any arguments tends to be a dead one. Not always, but often.
I don't really feel ashamed of my anger, it's a natural and sound reaction and it makes me act and not just accept all sorts of crap in a submissive way. That to me is being a spiritual warrior. But as I said, right action at the right time. I too make mistakes of course, get angry about things when it wasn't really necessary. Anger to me just shows how deeply something affects me. In some way it helps me feel whole, and AS a whole. The trick is to get out of it quickly and really reflect on the purpose of the confrontation or reaction. Again I don't like confrontation. But anger makes me more audacious. And to tell you the truth, sometimes there's a certain satisfaction in having the audacity to tell someone off. On the other hand the argument often doesn't stop there. So sometimes the best thing would be to just let it go (which I do to sometimes), when you know it's not going to lead anywhere. So basically it's a question of discernment. We do have to sometimes let someone think they have the upper hand or we'll never be rid of them!
A friend of mine just said that she has noticed that raising your voice in anger sometimes is the only way of getting people to shut up and respect you - think of a school class, for instance. Sweet talk hardly ever works unless you have some magical charisma that stunns everyone, lol... I am sorry I have been very upfront about certain types that I see around me but then I think I have a gift/curse of seeing through many an act in this world, and it is not funny. Unfortunately I have a condition that makes it very hard for me to wind down once I've been provoked. It takes great efforts of trying to calm myself consciously, but it may still pop back up again very soon after, due to the mental overload. Of course I hope that gradually we'll have worked out all our issues, found a good mental attitude, and can live in peace. By that time we are hardly truly human anymore. Until then...?
Artwork: "Who Will Get The Rose?", handmade collage by author, all rights reserved 2008