Tuesday, 29 July 2008

The Dark Night of the Soul In this Age of Transition

For those who have been following the esoteric teachings of today it may be clear that the planet is going through an ascension from a lower level of existance to a higher one. We are not alone; there is a multitude of beings from other dimensions and planets who are here in one form or another to assist in this radical process. Because all this affects the collective mind, some of the manifestions of great change can be quite radical and baffling indeed. For many, it entails a clearance of any old issues that hold them tied to the past. A wealth of emotional issues will surge to the surface. Not to mention all the confusion and stress that sensitive people pick up from those around them and from the air, so to speak.

There are plenty of people who focus on the happier side of all this and are able to convey encouragment in words of love and unity. I, however, seem to be here in order to help others unveil the more painful side of life (see my blog on the Shadow). This includes past conditioning that keeps us trapped in destructive patterns, traumatic experiences, as well as resistance to change. The more we know about all aspects of the psyche, the better we can become at mastering the seemingly erratic fluctuaitons of the pshyche. It is my belief that there should be no more secrets or competitiveness between people (how else can we experience true unity on the practical level?). I do see that even within spiritual groups, there are popularity contests and hubris (people desiring to show off their level of spirituality). I hope this will pass soon though, since all this is part of the ego issues that need to be acknowledged and cleared out.

I myself have followed the "news" regarding the various phases of energetic infiltration since Easter, when the changes really became obvious. I could see that many of my reactions seemed to mirror the cosmic fluctuations. It sometimes seems very hard to tell what is personal clearance and what belongs to the collective consciousness or other people's issues. We truly are all interconnected! Some like to take measures and shield themselves of the external influences through methods such as grounding or creating an experiential octagon around themselves. For various reasons I find it hard to focus on such things but I do try and ask for help from the spirit guides or entities that are around to assist. My own life has been rather complicated so there is plenty to clear. I wish I didn't still have so much to deal with, but alas...

The feelings of anxiety and loneliness that I wrote about in my previous blog are very common symptoms right now. If this is the case with you, I can only suggest that you accept it for what it is and ride it out with the confidence that this is necessary and perfectly normal. Don't let other people's superiority bog you down. You may have very strong feelings of darkness and hopelessness, but this too is in the order of things. I will include an old blog I wrote on the Dark Night Of The Soul for those who want to contemplate this possibility. I myself have had a lot of emotions to deal with for several years since I started to unravel that which had earlier been denied and tucked away into the far corners of the mind. I have come to understand how hard it is to master them. On the one hand they give us information about our external and internal reality, but on the other hand we also need to let go of them in an appropriate way and not cling to them in an excessive manner.

This summer I have found myself very lonely indeed - the only close person in real life is my mother. I have also kept up the contact with a man on another continent with whom I tried to form a relationship last winter. As he started a new job, our contact is diminishing to just a very short time in the afternoon. Since it's summer and I try not to isolate myself inside the house all the time, it's not always possible for me to be at home when he is able to talk to me. And so what I see is a relationship that is slowly fading away like coloured paper in the sun. The paper - or friendship - will no doubt persist, but the colours - the emotions - are disappearing. This is the case with me, as far as I know, not with him. Thus the process of detachment has been excruciatingly painful - for reasons of personal disappointment as well as compassion. I think it's quite obvious that right now, I am not apt to exuberance. One more dream has dissipated with an aftertaste of disappointment and sadness, but hopefully it will give room for something new.

The sensation of floating in mid-air with nothing to hold onto has been mentioned as one of the symptoms of this global transition, and so I can only assume that forces are at work in my own life as well and that new order will ensue out of this state of physical chaos and emotional turmoil. One needs to let go of all thoughts and expectations that reflect the old 3D reality, though not of faith, of course. Holding onto hope is not an easy thing to do, however necessary. It is more than plausible that those who are dedicated to their spiritual path for the good of all and are righeous at heart, will experience a glorious future. If I can do nothing else, at least I can try and invoke help. Do not be too hard on yourselves. These are not easy times and there is no need to pretend otherwise. All this will eventually pass.

The following excerpt was written a couple of years ago while I was still feeling that this is my last life on this planet, yet I was unable to understand how I would be granted an exit unless I became enlightened. I now have reason to believe that there are other ways if your purpose for coming here has mainly been that of showing and spreading unconditional love and compassion, and a desire to assist humanity as part of the One.


This expression was developed by St John of the Cross, who suffered intense feelings of loneliness and desolation prior to his enlightment. To me, enlightenment is not a simple thing. As usual, I have given it too much thought - presumably too much since it has caused me to feel distressed.

Hasn't anybody else had any anxiety connected to the presumed fact that we are just coming and going like the breath of the wind, creating movements in space and thus an illusion of time, that what we experience is real but in a deeper sense it's not…? Everybody seems so eager to go towards the state of oneness! But it means that your individuality disappears. Classical mysticism has it that we live a certain amount of lives and then we go back to where we came from - oneness. We dissolve.

I found when I started to think about this a lot it really made me anxious. Yes I know, it's just the ego that's struggling to stay alive. But jees. I didn't ever imagine it would struggle THAT much. I'm not sure I should label what I have been going through, but to me the past ten years have been like dying. The medieval mystic John of the Cross said that this is “the dark night of the soul”. I felt somewhat comforted to hear this from a friend of mine who was studying this phenomenon. It made sense to me. I don't know if that's what I was going through, but it sure sounded like it. It's a time when suddenly everything becomes really meaningless. What's the point in living if you are going to dissolve soon anyway? Yeah, it's going to be a relief because this life sure wasn't all so great, so why can't it happen quickly? But the ego speaks up and says, hey, what about me? Don't I mean ANYTHING? Was I just a joke? A pasttime? Or even worse… nothing really worth mentioning at all. Just some dream in an all-encompassing Creator's mind… A fleeting moment of pleasure and pain. You find no real comfort anywhere, because you're staring into empty space… and you're alone. And as John says, even God is no longer there to comfort your tortured soul.

This thing I had got a bit better when I was thinking that maybe I can choose to go onto some other level instead. I don't know, reside on some other planet in another galaxy or in another dimension or something. I was struggling with my will to live. I knew that I can create my own destiny in some sort of way. Suddenly the ego, that had seemed only like nuisance before, became important. The ego seemed in fact to be just a facet of my soul, of the identity that I have created over the centuries. Does it really have to dissolve into nothingness? Maybe not. Who really knows? So this thing got better. I felt more willing to see this life through, to take care of my karma and see to it that when I leave, it's going to be with the feeling that my real potential can finally come into being. Sadly, I don't think it's going to happen here on Earth. There are boundaries on Earth. And although conducive to creative thinking, it can probably be found on a bigger scale somewhere else…
I was worried, though, that I might fall out of a state of grace and land back on Earth after a while. This is what the Buddhists warn you about. They say, you can reach the realm of the Gods, but it's still the same old wheel of life, Samsara. Sooner or later you'll start collecting karma again. And there we go. No escape. Back to Earth to pay back your debts!

Isn't anybody worried about all this? Doesn't it all strike you as a battle that's lost already when it began? But I know, we should think of planet Earth and the state it's in, and what we can do to raise the level of consciousness of humanity. Yes, that's no doubt what we have to concentrate on. The rest will just come naturally, won't it. After all, we are 100% natural beings.

Later addition:
I have thought the pursuit of enlightenment a wee bit spooky. Of course, if you look at zen buddhism then you'll see that they don't necessarily envisage an idea about dissolving into a state of bliss. When asked about enligtenment, they come up with some funny koan that you can't understand with your mind (the most famous one I believe being what does it sound like when one hand is clapping). To them it's about a surrender of the mind to the impossibility of ever being able to make any sense out of life.

But although I've heard of various versions of what it might be, I am not an expert on the issue since I haven't experienced it in this life time, so I just wanted to bring out some of my own contemplations and see what others feel. I know we should stay focused on the present, but I can't help wanting to “get somewhere”. Since we are submitted to an evolution within the timeframe, I think we do get somewhere eventually. But whether it's a final stop or what, that is not something I can say much about. The reason I'm eager to get somewhere is because I am in a process that is very heavy and tedious. I think it's normal to get fed up with something that doesn't seem to change. Imagine that you're a cleaning lady but you hate being one, and you are always waiting for the day to be over, but then the next day you are still cleaning and cleaning. On the other hand, if you're on the road going someplace then you don't necessarily always think only about the goal, if there are fun stops on the way. I guess I am thinking that some of us have cleaning to do and others are in it for the joyride.

That said, it doesn't necessarily exclude the idea that the tedious and drab existence can change into something more pleasurable, within that particular lifetime. I know that one is supposed to grow awareness and all that - it's maybe a kind of meditative state of enlightenment when you are very aware and mindful all of the time, and then it's not supposed to matter what it is you're doing. If you are cleaning the house or benjijumping. I think it's something I try to keep in mind but there are times when it's just not possible to pursue a certain way of being. Worries, difficult emotions, hardships, illness - all this stress can be very overwhelming. Sometimes all we can do is just try to hang in there.

Artwork: "The Alchemy of Change", collage on paper by author, copyright 2008

Saturday, 26 July 2008

Feelings Of Loneliness: A Sign Of The Times

Am I just imagining it, or are people actually ignoring me? I have no doubt that this is part of an issue that is pressing me greatly. My external life is reasonably calm but inside chaos reigns - thoughts and feelings relating to trust, betrayal, co-dependency, independency, loneliness, wondering whether people are competing about who is the most spiritual and ahead of others, being treated with nonchalance, being ignored, and worrying about what I am doing wrong? The days are gone when no one would disturb my peace of mind and I would just sail away with a clear conception of the reasons behind a confrontation. As it is now, I am having nightmares over relationship issues and waking up with the most excruciating anxiety that takes hours to clear. That I am just resuming my book project again after months of other concerns, probably adds to the sense of stage fright. I have to get it just right. I know I can do it but the scope of it all is overwhelming.

I have deep feelings of loneliness. Part of it may be that this time of year, I have often had company with which I have been able to go places and experience new things. Believe it or not, but summer is only now starting and I know that I must go out to be by the sea for a while before I resume my writing project in the late afternoon. The cliffs, the salty air and the water help to clear the aura. It is quite clear to me that nothing much can happen in my life until large parts of the project have been completed. I know that it is crucial that I try not to distract myself with worries regarding other people and their issues. Why assume that their unwillingness to interact with me is something personal? However, I do feel affected by it and can only conclude that there are areas in me that still hesitate to trust in other people's benevolence and where my worries about how to deal with others is still an issue. I look at groups that gather and share encouraging words and sentiments, and I feel a pang of sadness. I have been questioning whether who I am today really is bad enough for people to shun me. Maybe what I need to do is stop looking for like minded people and just accept that I don't fit in anywhere, at least not while I am still healing.

I believe my greatest learning phase is over - but I am now talking about the things that I needed to experience in order to be the catalyst that I need to be in the future. Thus I have reason to believe that things will indeed become much better in the future if I can only crawl across the threshold. Despite many difficult experiences this spring and summer I do now have a greater belief in being helped from above. Somehow my childhood feelings of inadequacy have stuck to me in the most annoyingly stubborn manner. My anxiety may be due to collective energies but it may also be a symptom of deeper processes that occur in my sleep, and they are very much connected to fears of relying on other people versus the fear of having to rely on myself alone (which is a limiting experience on the emotional and physical level). What I feel is that I have enough of loneliness and could use some nice, shared activities with others - and I do have to stress the 'activities' part because that's what's lacking the most in my present life. For many, being by themselves is blissful. Well, I don't mind being by myself but certainly not all of the time! In the connection to other people there is the element of sharing that is in my view just as valid as enjoying one's own company and creativity. When both are prevalent in equal proportions, there is harmony. Would you not agree?

I often refer to Karen Bishop's energy alerts(http://www.whatsuponplanetearth.com/latest.htm) as they are mighty comforting. In the 1st part of the recent energy alert she says it's not uncommon to feel panicky and very much alone these days. According to her, part of it is a desire for a real sense of unity which has not been prevalent before. She also says that you might feel invisible because your energies are not aligned with that of others around you. In general, things have not settled in accordance with the higher frequencies yet, so they appear stressful and chaotic to those who are sensitive enough to pick it up. I think this is how it is with me, however in practice many old fears and disappointments cause hesitation in me as well. I can't wait to see more altruism all around, but I am unsure of what exactly I need to do in order to attract it. Truth to say I don't see things in quite that simple a way, so I feel that some or most of the lack that I see really IS there (those who see things, see things). On the other hand I know that focusing too much on it is detrimental to myself, and may tilt my life further in the direction of more loneliness.

Nothing else occurs to me except that I have to let go of my wish for true soul connection (if I can figure out how), and accept that what may come as a result of it comes as designed by the universe - it may be good or bad from my subjective point of view, but it will be real and honest. Many wish to shoot the messenger of bad news. Well, I don't really have bad news but I don't have good ones either, so I guess I get ignored... I realize that people rather do that than go through the effort of helping me figure out where the trouble is. After all it may just be a sign of the times and very much in line with Karen Bishop's description of the symptoms that occur during such dramatic changes in the collective mind. I do wish that people would share a little more about what is going on with them and not fear bringing out the truth of it all. I have noticed that many on this site are cut off from other spiritually minded people and that is one of the main reasons they hang out here a great deal. Sometimes I wonder if I am just trying too hard to fit in with spiritual online communities too.

Artwork: "Deep Cleansing", collage on paper by author, copyright 2008

Monday, 21 July 2008

Walks With Cats

This blog is about my relationship to my wonderful cats... and to money.

Now there is no way you can manipulate cats into loving you. That is one of the obvious reasons I love them as much as I do! They are, as all animals that have not become disturbed, so very real and honest. Though sometimes I think, "darn cat, can't you listen to my command even for once!", there is no way that you can truly hold their independent airs against them. And who can resist there wonderful displays of joy and affection? The purring and close encounters with your body are rather infectious indeed!

All of my life, cats have provided me with comfort and warmth when the human sphere hasn't, but also a flicker of hope. My cats are my mirrors in many ways. The sensuality they display is definitely a quality inherent in my own persona as well. I hope that one day I can enjoy life as much as they do.

The love of your cat is something you earn because you give of yourself and show them that they can trust you completely. Sure you can get your cats to do tricks like a dog. Maybe you've witnessed this at the Cat Circus. But who needs a cat who does tricks? Is it not already enough to follow the subtle expressions and fluctuations of their inner life and the facets of their personality? I know, they are just animals... but as such, they teach me many basic things about life that I have yet to discover in my relationship to human beings.

It's funny how some people like to be a little arrogant and say that we are just projecting our feelings on the pets, that we only want to have them because it's "easy love", and so forth. The truth the way I see it is that they make life livable, they help us get through the day when times are rough, and they DO have feelings and personality. In any case, the love you give them comes straight back to you. You know when you're in touch with your heart, because you can see it reflected in your pet. Maybe I'm even reflecting my own potential bliss when I am seeing my cat in extasy.

I suppose my three cats are fortunate because they receive plenty of attention from me throughout the day. One of them is always present, which dispels some of my solitude. A trio that was disparate in the beginning, has gradually become a unanimous whole in which each displays a completely separate form of energy. I sometimes think that they represent the Indian concepts of kapha, pitta and vata rather well... Marius (gray, long haired) is big, cute and rather lethargic, Robin (an orange tabby) is robust but intense and expressive, and Beatrice (white and black) is calculating and the fastest and fiercest little thing imaginable. The cats that I had before taught me what love feels like. These remind me of it every day. Without them, I would be a lost soul, since I would probably have much greater difficulties in keeping my heart open.

The bond I have with them is manifested in our walks in the forest. The fact that my cats follow me on their own accord surprises most people. In other words, there are no leashes. How would I put up with the solitude here in the forest where I live if it wasn't for our little walks? The cats are very excited as soon as I ask them to go "out", though usually they are the ones who beckon me to do go for a walk. What kind of human would I be if I didn't follow their regal wish? "Your wish is my command" - indeed! But what can I say - it is great fun!

Sometimes I call them to come to me, as I happen to be ahead of them. Robin comes in great leaps towards me and gives a head bonk and brushes himself against my leg. Marius tends to lag behind but trots towards me with his chubby allure. The last few meters he starts running towards me with a look of cheerful expectancy. When he reaches me he pushes my hand and looks for appraisal. Beatrice runs very fast but may run up in a tree on the way. She then rushes towards my outstretched arms... and then changes direction just a few degrees and runs past me and away... Contrary to the guys she will never do what she is being asked to do! She is indeed the primadonna of this gang, although Robin in practice is the one that is at the top of the hierarchy.

Now what I call my "theory of cats" is basically that life is at its most wonderful when there is a spontaneous and joyful give and take that involves a lot of sweet talk and affectionate cuddling. I estimate that the ratio would be about 90% love and 10% reprimands. Although I naturally respond to other animals too, cats have a special place in my life also because they remind me of the act of letting go of control and manipulation. This leads me to something I have given a lot of thought all throughout my adult life, and I always seem to arrive at the same conclusion.

At times I encounter people who tell me that I can have everything I ever wanted if I only realize the power of my mind to create and manifest my inner and outer reality. I know the principles behind this kind of thinking very well. The Secret and the teachings connected to it are by no means new and groundbreaking. I do not disagree with the ideas per se. However, I am afraid that something complex is being simplified to fit selfish pursuits of some people who cover up as spiritual beings but are instead serving the powers of materialism and spiritual stagnation.

I feel that I know quite a bit about the darker side of life. Now let's see... here is a suggestion of a way of categorizing "dark". There is the neutral darkness of the physical world, such as the dark of the night or the color black. There is a passive, emotional darkness that comes out of ignorance and is mainly just depressing and self-destructive. Then there is the active force of mental darkness, that attempts to allure and convince by using all means available. Some form of 'negative' energy has to exist in a dual world, otherwise there would be no evolution and no creation. This polar, opposing aspect doesn't have to be terribly 'negative', though. I feel that my positive insights come into being through a dialectic process that requires a negation (thesis versus antithesis equals synthesis). In the present world, this negation is often sad or evil in nature. This is part of the way evolution unfolds. Let us not be judgmental though. I feel that suffering and struggle can be part of a learning process that makes some souls into very knowledgeable and strong ones. This is not to say that it will always be this way. What I am saying is that maybe accepting it is part of a healing process towards a lighter and more joyful existence. I feel that it is absolutely necessary to face the dark... to look at and acknowledge it; even to love it, as part of the creation.

I do not think that the forces that may be trying to allure you will get a hold of you if you really believe in compassion for all living beings and our beautiful Earth. Compassion will lead to a sense of Oneness. So if someone talks of Oneness but doesn't display any signs of compassion, then maybe you shouldn't listen to them. I would also venture to claim that we do not have to choose between Oneness or dualism. In fact, the way I see it is that this is also a polarity that can be comprised in a fundamental paradox of being.

I am saying all this because I want to explain why I think it's important to deeply contemplate our relationship to many of the forces that make this world go around. Although money is not evil per se, it seems to corrupt more often than not. Money obviously serves to satisfy many worldly desires. While I do think that we need to enjoy our time on Earth, I also feel that we should examine the forces that drive us and what kind of behavior ensues when we have things such as money, power, and success. Are the means to these ends truly honorable? Do you honestly believe that you can have things of the world without giving something in return?

How about sometimes giving something else than money? Maybe we should acknowledge the existence of money but actively try not to feed the sense of separation by thinking about it all the time and fretting in attempts to control the way our lives unfold on that level. Thinking back, I have been poor a lot, but many times money has arrived when truly needed. Poverty can force a person to make decisions they would not have made otherwise, and it may all be for the better from the point of view of the soul's development. Would I really trade the wisdom I feel it has given me for a pact with the dark forces that may be using spiritual jargon to corrupt a real ascension of this level of existence? Well... I think that in this respect my conscience is clear.

Let's just make our decisions wisely! Let's practice discernment! We do not always need everything money can buy, although a lot of it certainly is nice to have. Sometimes we can also stretch what we or others already have, instead of adding to the vices of consumerism. This can be done either by willing it thoughtwise (though I admit it can be quite a demanding challenge), or by plain recycling. But... most of all, I wish that we would focus our energies towards a happy give and take in an open and uncontrolling way!

Artwork: Digital photograph of Robin checking something out on one of the walks, copyright 2008 by author

Sunday, 13 July 2008

The Perils of Trusting A Channeller

I have to admit that right now I'm not on top of things. Some incidents relating to people I trusted that all occurred almost at the same time shook me up so much that I am having real trouble rising above them. Where do I go from now? I admit: I feel so lost, so abandoned, so clueless... This I have thought many times and will say it out loud: beware of other people's channellings. (A channeller is someone who transmits messages from the spirit realm). Exercise the utmost discernment when you allow someone else the authority to tell you truths about your life and future. It doesn't mean that everything that comes through is false, only that each person is a subjective filter. Here is the greatest reason for my present state of distress - and I feel a need to be quite open about it although it is a vastly complex subject. I hope it will make sense:

I met a woman online on another continent who channelled messages and started to pass some onto me - she said she felt nudged to do so and called to help me, and without asking money for her favours. I was very grateful for this since I don't seem to be able to get advice anywhere else. I mean, who would deny the need of some illumination? The messages seemed encouraging and earnest, yet all in all they were somewhat confusing (possibly because the channeller was distracted at times). I found this person charming, as well, and was very happy to have a friendship with her. It seemed I had found a real life soul sister! Our connection on a soul level was indeed in the center of our conversations, and something I was a bit reluctant to accept right off the bat, but what could I do? I felt I just had to take her and her messengers' word for it. However, when I started to talk about the difficulty in being dependent on her help, she suddenly turned her back on me. She complained that her talent tends to get in the way of friendship, and thought that I was only out to get information about how to lead my life. Although I don't deny that the messages were welcome, I didn't expect her to become my personal provider of advice. I just wanted some clarity as to the few issues that had been brought to our attention. Of course I was interested in her friendship, why would I not have been? I felt that it was hard to give it 100 % credit before we had a chance to meet in real life, yet I was starting to count on it and plan my life accordingly. She was, for instance, offering to help me create an ambulatory exhibition of my artwork in the United States.

It is still a mystery to me, what exactly happened and if I did something terribly wrong. It seems to me (but of course I can't be sure) that this person was hoping that I would become needy of her assistance, while on some other level she resented having to write this stuff for me. I have reasons to believe that this might be a pattern in this person's life, though I guess I will never know for sure. I confess there is something I tend to do subconsciously in relation to others: I know from experience that when I have doubts, I tend to provoke people to show me their true intentions. In other words, I push buttons. It's not that I necessarily poke around, I just tend to bring out my feelings quite strongly and very often they are not in line with the other person's expectations. This is why I often end up being cut off quite brutally from other people. Is what I am doing wrong? Well, I don't really think so - it's just not the thing to do among human beings. Most people are not prepared to look at their shadow selves. I know that something of the kind is coming to the surface when people's behaviour towards me changes very radically from nice to mean. I can only assume that my gutfeeling is directing me to expose the truth. Whether I would be doing this if I had not had a dysfunctional childhood where my authenticity was questioned during a sensitive age when I felt very awkward about myself and how to act is hard to say... I think I probably would, because I do seem to be dedicated to honesty all around (though there's no denying that my childhood experiences set a snowball rolling). I usually try and allow space for some talk about the issue in question but most of the time, people don't wish to acknowledge that they may have a side to them that is not quite so agreeable. I did try and suggest to the person in question that maybe we both pushed each others' buttons, but she would have none of it. The tone in the last letter was cold and calculating, and referred to the idea of possible money transactions between us. As soon as people start to talk business within the frames of a friendship, I back out.

I have no idea how much of herself this person put in the messages. All this left me very confused and sad beyond words. The last thing she said was, 'the guides say that from now on they will talk directly to you'. Well, needless to say my life only changed for the worse and I am not recieving any advice as how to cope and what to believe. I would at least like to know if I did do something wrong! It saddens me that this one time that I had decided to trust a person, I ended up abandoned so quickly. Was I tested and meant to become ever more resilient?

This incident took me by great surprise since I opened up to this person more than I normally do, and I thought some fog in my life would finally be dispelled. At the moment, I simply don't know how to rise above this. I've had friends abandon me in the past but it never hurt like this. It's possible that there was a true connection there that surpasses the mundane level we are residing on right now. On the other hand it was like the last drop; I have enough of people who so easily promise to stand by me (which she assured me a couple of times prior to disappearing) and who then just walk away without an apology and making me look like I am the one (the only one!) who is to blame. Most of the time people who are in a constellation are both responsible for their part in both the positive and the negative things that go on between them.

I am trying to be self-reliant and yank up my self-confidence. I decided that I rather bet that the guides are real and are trying to help me, than become a bitter sceptic because of some human dysfunction. However, it is very hard for me to accept that I have no way of communicating with my guides at this point in time, and since I am forced to be very isolated anyway, this is a tough issue to deal with. This will call for even more patience and persistence (as if there had not been plenty of that already!). I think the worst thing is that it seemed as if the guides really wanted for her and I to share and support each other.

Now was there any subordinate meaning to this incident? Was this a harsh reminder that I can rely on and trust myself only? I really thought I was doing well enough, but I admit that I fell for the temptation of hearing the messages out. In recent years I've been open to advice in the hope of enriching my viewpoints. However I've resisted asking psychics as what to do with my life, as I had a very bad experience some 10 years ago. This time the messages were just offered to me, "just like that", for free, and seemingly making a lot of sense. They also made me cry when I felt there was a lot of kindness behind the words. Was I wrong in accepting it? I believed myself to be a discerning person but this really took me by surprise. I know all channellers have their subjective filter, so I was trying to be careful, yet it was pretty stressful as I couldn't ask directly what something meant, but had to wait for the right occasion.

Now I don't mean to sound as if I am out to put a blame on everyone else. I'm sure this person thinks of me as having treated her unkindly - maybe in her mind I was ungrateful, jealous of her abilities, callous, or just plain toxic..? Don't you just hate the feeling of being the one that needs to be avoided because of some negative traits that you might be guilty of if you think really long and hard about it?! Well... we all have hissy fits sometimes (I tend to get them when I feel cornered) but surely everything can be talked through and sorted out, in an atmosphere of mutual respect. Surely that's the mature way that helps both parties continue their lives with a sense of closure? However there has to be that little mutual 'spark' or something, a vibe, that tells you it will pay off to open up and apologize. When it's not there and you find yourself talking to a wall it can bog you down immensely. It's ironic, because people that were pointed out in the messages as bogging me down with worries that prevent me from soaring higher have not made me feel even half as bad as this person did!

In order not to be too judgmental and narrow minded, I am trying to contain what I thought was good or reasonable information through the messages, and forget the rest. This in my opinion is the way of true positive thinking. But my heart is bleeding!

Artwork: "Who Cares?", handmade collage by author, all rights reserved 2008

Wednesday, 9 July 2008

Presenting Soulful Swedish Singer Eva Dahlgren

ANGEL IN MY ROOM: Presenting the fabulous Swedish singer Eva Dahlgren: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2kBMZeGCo0 If this link doesn't work for you in your country, you can find the same song on this site: http://www.truveo.com/Angel-In-My-Room-Eva-Dahlgren/id/627825734. There's a row of videos at the top of the page, you could also try and listen to a very beautiful love song called "När en vild röd ros slår ut doftar hela skogen" (When a wild red rose blossoms the scent pervades the entire forest). It's about how wild roses always find a place to grow...

Another favourite song is this extremely touching song "November Regn" (November Rain) about how she (a lesbian actually) gets beaten up by huligans, drags herself home and lays there in the hallway bleeding for hours - but most of all her self esteem is bleeding. Who would have the audacity to stay there alone, 'not me'. I don't have the lyrics but I think you can feel it - and just enjoy the sound of the beautiful Swedish! http://www.truveo.com/Eva-Dahlgren-Novemberregn-Live-Nyhetsmorgon-2007/id/4106903931
Eva's music has been very soothing to me for the past month, she says so much in so few words, and she's REAL. Can't find anyone singer at the moment as real as her! Another great one of hers is "Ingen är som jag" (No one is like me), quite melancholic though.
Artwork: A rose by Redouté, 18th C

Recognizing Severe Manipulation

This is a blog I wrote some time ago about recognizing manipulation. Ok, I want to say right away that I am not paranoid about the dark and that I think there is a danger in going too far in seeing evil conspiracies everywhere you look. There are things people do onto us out of sheer ignorance, and not out of a conscious desire to harm us (though it may end up being very harmful, of course). Then there are those who are somewhere in between, not quite sure of what their real nature is and unable to control their manipulative behaviour. The third category would be those who are conscious of what they are doing and trying their utmost to prevent the ascension of this planet. Regardless what sort of being you encounter, it is good to be on the look out for signs of manipulation. In other words, we must not discard people just because they are troubled, but we must also avoid casting our pearls before the swine and giving our precious energy to people who do not appreciate it and who are merely using us for their selfish purposes. This is why I have chosen to publish part of a newsletter that came to me yesterday. Again I wish to stress that the tone here is a little too dramatic and wound up for my personal taste, as many humans may occasionally display this sort of behaviour without being real dark entities. I try and stay cool and not take sides in any way that would cause more stress and fear in my own life. I think this is quite an important thing, since we need to retain our focus on a positive outcome and not squander or energies. I also do not take responsibility for any of the issues regarding Atlantis that are made here, as I am not in a position to say whether it is true or not. I also have to say that I found the volcanic ground on Iceland totally exhilirating so personally don't really have a negative feeling about it...

At the end I'm including some stuff I wrote in forums dealing with these issues.
I want to stress that I would personally eliminate some of the issues dealt with in this article, however I do not want to violate the copyright. I think it's important to recognize manipulation so we can invoke our personal power and get over it. All in all this is a good reminder though, so we can be ever so vigilant on our path:

- Beginning of quotation -

"Unmasking the Anti-Light

The seers and keepers of the light have come full circle. It has been a long journey to return right back to the place where it all was lost. We are now experiencing the memory, or what might feel as a shadow/echo frequency of the fall of Atlantis. We can see many of the old power and control dramas and chaotic energies resurfacing all around us as we rise above our past history to gain victory and passage into our glorious future. We are entering the most intensified purification process that Earth and Humanity has ever experienced, but we also know that heaven is closer than we think.


Just prior to the fall of the age of Atlantis, the clairvoyant and healing abilities of gifted Oracles were being misused by the Atlantian dark ones for ego based power, control of others, and outright warfare, instead of being used for their original purposes such as enlightenment, mastery and true freedom. These dark ones could be categorized as Atlantian dark lords, corrupt wizards, spiritual vampires, self serving alchemists, professional parasites and spiritual abusers. We simply see these ones as the younger brothers and sisters, because they still, even now, do not know who they really are, nor what they do. In the times of Atlantis, many of these younger ones were living in the areas that are now known as Egypt, Greece and Crete . . . and in the entire Middle East. This was a critical, unsettled and frantic time for these dark younger ones, for their egos were being unmasked by brave Oracles, so all could see their true underhanded agendas. This is where the fable of the "emperor's new clothes" and the saying "Wolves in sheep's clothing" came from. For a brief moment in time, all of humanity knew these ones for who they really were. They had been de-mystified and were about to be overthrown. This was the last step in a long journey for humanity to arrive in this dimension fully awake. Many of the Oracles had been called to unmask these dark ones out of respect for the creative force/light of the universe and the Goddess of Creation that we know as the Hathors. This was the force and deity that had given them the gift to see and heal. This force and deity has a great harmonizing energy that imparts great peace if used impeccably. Soon after this unmasking, the Oracles were forced to flee for their lives. The younger ones were outraged by the unmasking and began a counter attack. The Oracles and initiates of the Light fled to what is now known as Greece and the islands in the Aegean Sea, where, for a short time, they were honored again for their abilities. The unmasking of these younger ones came too late to avert the collapse of the powerful age of Atlantis. The collapse could not have come at a more heart-breaking time. All of life was about to ascend and finally fully arrive in the diverse many, as the enlightened ONE. Due to the misuse of power, the Earth's energy field, around what we know as the Middle East, was cracked during this collapse. Many souls were cracked also. This was a huge set back for Earth and humanity. This is a pain we still carry in our bodies; a pain also felt by our younger brothers and sisters, and our Mother Earth. It is this pain that Mother Earth is also still working to clear out of her, by using volcanoes, storms, tidal waves, etc.

During the collapse, many of the Oracles and initiates of the Light were rescued and relocated in Egypt's remaining Atlantian temples, and many went underground to continue their work. Many of the younger ones followed them there. As time passed, and the last of the younger ones grew old and died, we hoped that the collective field of consciousness and the Earth would be clear of their convoluted influences and horrific misuses of power. Many of their bodies were sealed and buried on the west bank of the Nile as added insurance that they would no longer be able to hurt themselves and others. We knew that the younger ones, as well as all lives passing on Earth, would have to journey through 9 gates of re-birth to be reborn. These 9 gates were powered by the creative force/light of the universe. These gates had a built-in, universal protection that would purify hearts as they passed through each gate before they were allowed to reincarnate. When we were re-born, all self-serving, ego-based agendas had to be cleared out so that we could be re-born in a clear place to begin again. We were confident that the younger ones wouldn't return to this dimension for a very long time because they had dark, heavy hearts, and this journey would take them a long time. But the dark lords/younger ones had developed a form of alchemy . . . a sort of anti-light. This anti-light was related to the energy that had created the fall of Atlantis. It was distorted and altered from the pure creative light of the universe. This dark alchemy helped them bypass certain gates, so they could reincarnate to continue their ego based agendas with their heavy hearts un-cleansed. They bypassed the gates of re-birth even though they weren't worthy to pass through.

What is happening now . . . We have returned once again to this age that we call Aquarius. We have reincarnated back into this huge moment, in this cycle of ages, to set right the misuse of power and light, and to bring about true freedom and personal mastery. Just as we feel the power and the intensity of this time, so do these confused dark ones . . . our younger brothers and sisters. We are scrambling to make sure that the last code of Ascension is anchored in place so we can be here fully awake. The unenlightened younger ones are scrambling quickly so as not to be unmasked once again. They would like to see us fail yet again in gaining our mastery and becoming fully awakened human beings manifesting all 13 codes into the physical realm (More coming soon on the 13 codes). They are setting up their smoke and mirrors so we might not see them. They are as cleaver as ever with their mind games and illusions. Sadly, they don't know who they really are and what they are doing to themselves, and, to their disadvantage, they forget who we are also. These younger ones are emerging now in unexpected places and have surprising roles. They are trying to blend in so as not to be noticed. They are right next to you. Many are working in our governments, acting as our spiritual healers and teachers, and so on. But you see it is too late for their old ploys and mind games to work for them. We have already opened our eyes. We have learned hard lessons from the past. We have remembered the sweetness of a true peace and spiritual freedom. The legions of light have been regathered and nothing can hold back the light and truth anymore. We have reached a pivotal point in the mass consciousness of Light.

We are now ready to re-claim paradise. It is at this time that we must walk through just a few more steps in our history to return to paradise. There is a little bit more for us to do. We are coming out of an age where the darkness was supported in hopes that they would find the light within. Now it is time to return this energy and light, that we willingly gave them, back to its origin within us. It is time we abandon the idea of sharing our gifts with those who misuse and diminish this light. It is time to end the energy vampirism and the unquenchable addiction to our light and energy. We know that we only lent this light to the younger ones for them to use for a time. We hoped that they would also taste freedom's sweetness and awaken to their own true inner power and light. As you see, they didn't understand our gift to them. We let these younger ones use our energy because we knew that they would eventually realize that they couldn't control the energy of creation that came from outside of themselves. Eventually their misguided efforts would fail over and over, and they will continue to do so. Nothing lasting comes from stolen energy. This energy of creation can only be shared and used as ONE . . . together, as a collective effort. Knowledge is not power . . . wisdom is. Getting energy from outside of oneself is like knowledge. Wisdom comes when you remember and truly experience who you really are. A child can have wisdom, yet some adults will never have felt its grace. We came here with full knowing that we were going to be used in this way. We did this out of great service in order to raise the consciousness of the younger ones, the planet and humanity. But over time, we also became accustomed to the unenlightened behavior of the younger ones. We also forgot how powerful and untainted this energy of light and creation was in it purest form. We didn't understand the extent of our sacrifices until now. Like we said before it has been a very long journey. Now we must reclaim back the light and the power that is ours.

We will not take it back in the same way that it was taken from us . . . OH NO! This is the way of the dark wizards. We will take it back by reclaiming and remembering who we are. We will starve the dark ones by not giving them any more of our energy. It is time to set the younger ones free from our energy fields; those that time and time again misuse the light we give them. We will rescue them no more. We will quit gifting our pearls to those who do not honor them. It is time for spiritual tough love. It is time that we move forward without trying to take them along with us. We hope they will follow our example. It will break our hearts if they don't. In all life, a mother's hardest job is to set free their children so they can fly. We have cared, fed and unconditionally loved these ones for a long time. They have not learned with our help, nor respected our gifts, or found theirs in the process. In fact, we have crippled them with our unconditional love and acceptance. We didn't let them fall, so they could learn to fly. We carried them on our shoulders, and now they cannot walk on their own. It is time for them to discover their true inner power on their own and remember wisdom, peace, and the sweetness of enlightenment within themselves. We were supposed to be their example of this light; not their source of light. They forgot this, and so did we. It is time that we all remember. If we continue to feed these spoiled ones, we become part of their heavy karma. By continuing to feed these ones, we help them continue the disempowerment of the servers of the light. We also slow down the collective planetary ascension process. What we involve ourselves in, with support physically, emotionally or even symbiotically, creates karma, good or bad, for us. Impeccability and integrity in this time of the shift is critically important. Where we put our light and power is what we will feed. The Oracles of Delphi had unmasked the younger ones in the past, and now we will unmask them again. Once they are unmasked, they will have no outside energy to maintain themselves. They will be forced to look within, just as we have. This time we will be successful, and the Earth and humanity will indeed enter a great time of peace and personal and collective mastery. We will finally arrive in the many, as the enlightened ONE.

How can we recognize these younger ones . . . these Atlantian Power Lords that are around us when they do not want to be unmasked? How do we recognize them when they are very clever, lie and hide their tracks? We have become so accustomed to their heavy presence and their ways, that we forget how deeply insidious their wizardry affects each one of us, our tribes, our Earth and our Galaxy. We have learned to be unconditional supportive to any and all life even if it is not good for the collective well-being to do so. There is a great difference between judgment and discernment. We are asking you for divine discernment to help accelerate the ascension of the collective ONE. If we don't know who the younger ones are, here are some of the>> masks that the younger ones use to continue to feed upon us and to steal our light. This is not a complete list, but it is enough for>> us to begin the great unmasking. These are some of their ploys. It is our turn now to do the un-masking. It is time that they discover their own inner light.

Harvesting Energy . . . First, the younger ones' main agenda is to harvest our energy. They do this because they have not found their own energy source within themselves. We let them use our energy, because we are compassionate and came here to serve those who have lost their truth. They have lost respect for what we give them, just like a spoiled child. A blatant example of energy harvesting is prevalent in those still living in Egypt. Many Egyptian residents, and the areas around the Middle East, are still at a huge disadvantage as their collective agendas are still being influenced by distorted energy created at the fall of Atlantis. Many fall prey to this energy. One of the ways this shows up is that they will act very friendly and helpful, but their underlying nature is to get "Baksheesh" (money and tips). Everything is done with the idea of what they can get out of you, or the situation, and at every angle. It is shameless greed. It is harvesting human resources. It is false service. They seem to give the impression of service on the surface, but when you look deeper, they do not care for our well being; nor do the kind offers come from the heart. Even volcanoes in the Greek islands still ooze seductive dark energies that the Earth is still actively working to clear out. Many good souls have risen above this influence. This is an amazing feat that does not go unrewarded. They will be bridges of light for the others.

Closed Hearts . . . These lost younger ones know spiritual truths very well, but with their minds, not their heart. They say their words with a forced power; not from love. The words may sound right to us, but our hearts will know differently. They will speak of love, but we will not feel it coming from them. The younger ones' knowledge is void of heart and true light. We will feel this as emptiness, or that something is missing, or that something does not feel right. This is the easiest ploy to catch. If we don't feel heart, question that authority heartily. We remember that real wisdom is an experience felt . . . not a knowledge that is taught.

The Holy Teacher Ploy . . . The younger ones will make grandiose promises of spiritual growth, then twist spiritual truths and lace them with self-serving agendas. The younger ones work hard to maintain high ground on self built pedestals. This is very hard work for them as their power for this does not come from within. They have to steal it first. They try to create a following, even new religions, as it becomes easier to maintain high ground when there are more supporting them with their energy. They will be motivated by jealousy, competition and greed, but preach oneness, service and unconditional love. They will claim to have the answers and try to>> keep you in a continual student position. They will try to psychically cord us as they are teaching us, and some try to do this through all eternity! With all the mixed signals we feel, we might begin to doubt ourselves. We get caught up in this ploy because we are great cheerleaders and natural supporters, and what they teach does echo some truth to a point. We want to believe so badly that they are speaking from true power. We want to see everyone reach enlightenment. We know that we are all family. ... continued on the right...

The Avoiding Criticism Ploy . . . The younger ones will try quickly to put us in a position so we cannot question their teachings or actions. If we do question them, we will appear to others to be in the very place that you know the younger ones to be in. They won't give us any space to interact as they fear that we might unmask them. When things do not go as they plan, they will blame shift . . . "It is not us that is the problem, it is you." . . . or they will say that we are not ready for this level of knowledge. They may blame their sacred sites, their country, or the government for their mistakes. There is no accountability for misuse of energy with the younger ones. They will profess that the dark energy that we feel is the light. Innocent ones are especially vulnerable to this ploy because they have so much trust.If we try to help the younger ones face their darkness, they will act surprised and stunned. They are masters at playing innocent and lace it with an underlying righteousness. Because of this reaction to our unmasking, we might doubt ourselves. We get pulled into this one because we forget that anyone could be dark and self-serving in the first place. Most of us trust that what is said by another is truth. We don't understand why anyone would lie as it hurts the collective ONE. Lying hurts everyone, including the one doing the lying.

The Spiritual Sacrifice Ploy . . . The younger ones will ask us to make sacrifices for a theoretical greater good. They will suggest that it is for a greater spiritual cause, even if it means jeopardizing our safety and well being, or worse . . . goes against our heart's truth. They have very little disregard for our emotional and physical well being. Be careful of this one, as they will try to boost our ego, so we will feel important by being a part of something . . . or it may make us feel guilty if we don't go along with this ploy. They don't ask for our consent, they command and take control, and leave no room for discussion. They will assume we will do anything for them and expect to use all our resources. We might even feel like their possession . . . treated like a slave. We will feel herded like goats. We will not feel respected. We do this for them because we have temporally forgotten who we are and our inner light. We will not make this mistake again. It is time for us all to wake up.

The Bait and Switch Ploy . . . The younger ones will shift and change from one ploy to another so quickly that it can unground the most focused initiate of the light. They try to keep us unaware of what is going on and try to place us in a fog. They can and do send many convoluted, mixed signals in efforts to keep us ungrounded and out of balance. They will create multiple distractions to confuse us. There will be a rushed and frantic energy, so we will not have time to think as they change direction. Once we are scattered and confused and in an unbalanced place, they can use us for any agenda they might have. They scatter us so they can farm us . . . harvest us. We are vulnerable to this ploy because we operate from the universal creative force that is constant when we are in alignment with it. Spirit is constant. This ploy is the universal creative force used in reverse.

The Healer Ploy . . . The younger ones will pretend to heal us, but instead they will rob our energy. Many times they will not ask permission to do their healing work. They will have no respect for universal or personal free will. They will impose their healings, teachings and knowledge on you if you want it or not. You will recognize this ploy when you become tired, confused or scattered after a healing or attending a class taught by them.

The Hiding the Agendas Ploy . . . The younger ones have a lot of secrets that they don't want you to know about. You will find that>> you don't know much about these people personally even though you>> have spent a great deal of time with them. They keep you in the dark about who they really are. You feel the hidden agendas but have no proof; but you feel them just the same. People do not hide what is appropriate and true. They only hide the mis-uses of light and power.

The Human Shield Ploy . . . This is the age old ploy where the younger ones will position you or another as the pawn in their scheme, and set you up to take the fall for them. They will get you to do their dirty work for them. We might find ourselves working for them for little or no compensation. They will hide behind our innocence, our titles, our banking systems, our legal systems, our identities and most of all our integrity and light. This ploy is interlaced with the next ploy. They will send out spies if they think we are about to unmask them to see what we are up to. The spies may be unaware of being used this way.

The Camouflage Ploy . . . These ones are experts at leaving no physical evidence for us to prove what our heart is telling us is>> true. Because we can't prove what they are doing, when confronted, they will say that we are fearful, suspicious, jealous, resentful, and have a lack of trust. We may be the only one that knows the truth about them, and this is a hard place to be in. This ploy teaches us to always listen to our heart, and to not get into these situations in the first place. Remember . . . authentic trust is earned . . . not commanded! We should never get rushed into any situation until we know the ones we are dealing with. Being impeccable with our energy means supporting those that have proven themselves, and also exhibit integrity, honesty and most of all accountability for their actions. It also means to be impeccable with ourselves. Integrity is not about being perfect spiritual beings. It is about true motivation and commitment to doing the best one can for personal and planetary awakening.

The Spiritual Hypnosis Ploy . . . The younger ones are masters at fascinating costumes, melodic speaking, mesmerizing movements, decrees, affirmations, incantations and spells. They speak in grandiose terms. They try to captivate and spellbind us so they can steal our energy while our consciousness is sleeping. We can get caught up in this because they can falsely echo and imitate the energy of the ONE. But we are left with a hazy, sleepy, tired feeling that is unnatural to the energy of the awakened collective.

The Victim Ploy . . . If other tactics quit working, the younger ones might become desperate and slip into "victim mode" or the "I am innocent" game. This is hard to see as we immediately go into compassion for them, as again we all want to serve. They gain our sympathy and trust because they know about our compassion and innocence. This ploy gets us into agreement to help them. This sets us up to have our energy harvested. If we continue to help them, they will farm us until there is nothing left, and then dump us for the next energy source.

The Spider Web Ploy . . . Old Atlantian Power Lords are masters of working with the collective web that all life is a part of. They understand that all things are connected, and they use this knowledge to their advantage to harvest and drain us and all our relations. Once we let them into our field and allow them to connect with us, they can drain us. Because the collective is all ONE, the younger ones have also learned to steal our light by going through unconscious, unaware others. We will feel this as a strange dark energy or personality shift in a person. This could take days or months to manifest. Remember, they are tricky and will do this slowly so you don't notice the shift. This is remote energy stealing. This is a type of psychic cording. It can be a messy, dark spider web of draining energy.

Other ploys . . . They like fighting on their own turf as this gives them a geographical advantage. They like to divide & conquer and use the element of surprise to keep us unbalanced. They like to give nice compliments to soften us up, and then they come at us with underhanded energy stealing and unexpected jabs. They will paint the illusion that they are working for the betterment of the awakening of humanity, but our hearts will tell us that their focus is only narcissistic in nature, and their only concern is fame and fortune. We may not be able to prove these facts, but we will know they are true. We don't need to know these ploys because if we listen, our hearts will tell us when we are in their influence. These ploys are completely foreign and unnatural to most light workers and true healers. The collective, in its awakened state, knows no feeling of going to battle, darkness or manipulation. So when we come into contact with these ones, we are blind-sided for a time. So we must learn to listen now. All in all, these younger ones can be our best teachers, as they open our eyes to how we are not respecting our energy.

Now we know what to do. It is time to set the younger ones free from our energy fields . . . those that time and time again misuse the light that we lend to them. We will rescue them no more. This is spiritual tough love. If they do not face their inner darkness and demons like we all have done, they will never know the sweet taste of self awareness and true freedom. The fact that they do not know their true inner power and light hurts us all, and the entire planet. This unconsciousness keeps us all from paradise . . . our promised land. What we are asking is not an easy journey for us to do. Remember, impeccability in this time of the shift is critically important. It is time to accelerate support in areas where the light shared will be multiplied. We will only lend our energy to fertile soil. Where we put our light and power is what we will feed. Feed the hungry wisely. With love for all life and the awakening of the diverse ONE.

The Delphi Oracles, and the Hathors, the Mothers of Humanity at Dendara, and by and through Aluna Joy.

Aluna Joy Yaxk'in is an internationally known author, spiritual life coach, sacred site guide, alternative historian, ordained minister and modern mystic who inspires and encourages others to recognize and accept their own authentic divinity and connection to God. Aluna>> Joy Yaxk'in, PO Box 1988, Sedona AZ 86339 Ph: 928-282-6292 Webpage: http://www.alunajoy.com/>> E-mail: alunajoy@alunajoy.com>>>> Copyright © 2008 - Permission is granted to copy and redistribute this article on the condition that the content remains complete, full credit is given to the author(s), and that it is distributed freely. Center of the SUN - Aluna Joy Yaxk'in, PO Box 1988 Sedona, AZ 86339 USA Ph:928-282-6292 Ph/Fax:928-282-4622 Email: alunajoy@1spirit.comwebsite :www.AlunaJoy.com Related articles...>> FAQ ~ Being Psychic 101 ~ A Basic Course Click here FAQ - How to avoid being Psychically Attacked a.k.a Black Magic Click here THE NEW TEACHER Jeshua and the Great White Brother/Sister Hood Click here SPIRITUAL WOLVES - CLAIMING SPIRITUAL INDEPENDENCE Click here *Also posted in GERMAN and DUTCH"- End of quotation -

My own input at a few forums regarding the issues of the dark powers and the questions surrounding dualism versus Oneness:

1.Owning life in its entirety seems to me to be the key... It is easy to speak of Oneness this Oneness that but so much harder to truly embrace it. How many can HONESTLY say they can do it? Even if we can grasp it every day life brings challenges and so we are always learning. I would agree that fearing fear is really the worst. It's like resisting resistance. That is amplification if anything. When we quickly recognize it and transform it as soon as we can, it manifests less. Simple huh? ;-)

2. At some point we become aware of acting out a drama but we can't just obliterate it, so it becomes a bit of a schizo situation where we know we are not that but we still have things to figure out (and mostly by ourselves because we have free will, no one can tell us exactly what to do, so it's up to us in the end even if we get some assistance and support). Things to do with our personlity or persona may also need to be strengthened so they become better tools for us to navigate in this sphere.

Personally I think it's not exactly 'wrong' to see dark and light as opposites but that's the viewpoint of this reality today. However, this is the reality we have to work with, and so I would recommend that the basis be real strong in this realm before we introduce other ways of thinking and seeing. See what I'm getting at? Words are sometimes deceptive as we can talk about Oneness and understand it intellectually, but living it is quite another story.

3. Unfortunately there are many ways of manipulating and the best one is to use someone's belief system and turn it against them in sneaky ways so that they become unsure of themselves. The self-doubt will then finish off the job very nicely.

There are opinions, and that's a neutral fact. There are different ways of expressing opinions, and that is for sure less neutral! The only thing we can truly be responsible for is not so much what we project outwards (because that truly is hard to master although not impossible) but the recognition of what our initial intention was. The sooner we rectify anything that seems disturbing to our conscience, the better. So telling someone upfront that they are creating their own negative experiences can be taken in many ways depending on the energy behind the words, the vulnerability of the object, and the situation.

4. This is what I've always felt intuitively: If I think a lot of demons and what they are capable of I will attract them. If I feel paranoid that people are demonic and out there to get me, then I attract them too. So it's good to be aware that there are dark forces wanting to hamper the ascension, but being too dramatic about it can easily lead to dismissing 'normal' human behaviour as more vile than it might be in reality. So personally, when I've had trouble in life I've been very hurt if people have made a point of staying away from me because of it. Again, it calls for discernment... It's easy also to manipulate people into believing they are dark and sinister rather than encouraging the light in them, however we should also be aware that casting pearls before the swine may not help anybody at all... What do you think?

I should add that I am not afraid of the dark and I've encourntered some forms of it a lot, and I do think that in general, I am a catalyst for many dark shadows in this realm. However, we all have our role to play and I don't want to take on more than I can handle in this life. So what I am talking about is not rejecting the dark but more like 'the right action at the right time' as the taoist and others suggest.

5. We all have our work to do and no one else can come and make a judgment whether it's right or wrong. There are so many ways to help and assist. I just wrote on another thread that I am not fearful of the dark but I have to be careful not to cast pearls before the swine and thus squander valuable energy. I can see that I tend to be a catalyst for other people's shadows, it's just something that happens naturally. However, there are times when it is not worth the trouble and it's better to turn off the switch or walk away or whatever. We do need to know what the tricks of the dark and/or confused ones are so we can be vigilant in our communication with other people. This in my opinion is the very core of the issue. This is regardless whether these are real scheming powers of the dark consciously hampering us, or just the 'normal' human derailed behaviour of confused individuals. If we are called to transform the negative energy and capable of doing so, then that's part of our mission. If not, then there are other ways to work for the good of all. We live with a constant paradox and maybe this is something to keep in mind; dualism is very much a fact on this level of being as is free will (apparently more so than I myself ever thought was possible), but so is the Oneness underlying it all and tying us all into this intricate network of life. I rather try and avoid taking sides other than the normal indignation that I feel as a human being bullied by those who are trapped in the fetters of ignorance, or by those who are plain mean and consciously pushing towards me towards traps (of which the ego traps are the worst, in my opinion). It is good not to have fear of the dark powers but this in my view stems from a very deep understanding of its illusory nature. We need to respect that not everyone has come to this understanding yet, but may still be willing to serve the ascension.

Artwork: "Viti Crater Lake, Iceland", photograph by author, all rights reserved 2003

Sunday, 6 July 2008

Zen Or Anger?

My previous blog stirred some unfortunate havoc at another place where I posted it, but it also inspired thoughts on anger. I do hope people who read it realized it was partly an old blog that I wanted to find a home for, and so I got the idea of joining it with thoughts I had yesterday. However, the issue of anger is an important one and while the adrenaline is still flowing, lol, I thought to post a few of my thoughts. It's not comprehensive by any means and I will probably get all sorts of answers that throw me, but here it is anyway...:

Sometimes things just build up in our lives and they are out of your control and so you feel anger or frustration. It's normal, if not even necessary. Especially for women it's important to recognize their anger so that they don't end up feeling victimized. Being softer and more empathic than men, we are probably more prone to this 'condition'. I think being zen-like is often a false attitude. I feel that many spiritually attuned people adopt this attitude because it's cool and they feel in control, but it doesn't feel real to me at all. It's a way of the powergames, of patronizing and trying to make you submissive. To TRULY reach such a state you have to be very accomplished indeed. Usually the 'fake' type of zen-like people (the hypocrites) are know alls and will do anything to prove other people wrong with their sheer attitude of superiority. They may be good at manipulation, subtle techniques of rulership. Then there are people who are angry all the time. This is the A-type and they obviously have a problem. Note that I do not agree that we should be angry all the time, it's hardly constructive to anyone. Then there are the ones that are angry for a good reason, when it seems appropriate in relation to the situation at hand. Think for instance of the 'holy anger' of Jesus.

There's a forever ongoing discussion of whether we should act out the anger we feel or not. Most research seems to indicate that if we don't, we'll have psychosomatic troubles and risk becoming ever more bitter people later in life (look at some old women who had a disappointing life but had to be quiet because the husband willed it). The best thing is to try and find a safe way of acting it out but of course it's in the nature of anger to be very impulsive. I believe men should contain some of it, of course, but to remove it altogether as in some kind of lobotomy would be to remove a part of our defense system. It's of course good to try and take the compassionate stand, however I find that it usually comes afterwards... Unfortunately. They also say that it's better for couples to vent their frustration every once in a while. A partnership without any arguments tends to be a dead one. Not always, but often.

I don't really feel ashamed of my anger, it's a natural and sound reaction and it makes me act and not just accept all sorts of crap in a submissive way. That to me is being a spiritual warrior. But as I said, right action at the right time. I too make mistakes of course, get angry about things when it wasn't really necessary. Anger to me just shows how deeply something affects me. In some way it helps me feel whole, and AS a whole. The trick is to get out of it quickly and really reflect on the purpose of the confrontation or reaction. Again I don't like confrontation. But anger makes me more audacious. And to tell you the truth, sometimes there's a certain satisfaction in having the audacity to tell someone off. On the other hand the argument often doesn't stop there. So sometimes the best thing would be to just let it go (which I do to sometimes), when you know it's not going to lead anywhere. So basically it's a question of discernment. We do have to sometimes let someone think they have the upper hand or we'll never be rid of them!

A friend of mine just said that she has noticed that raising your voice in anger sometimes is the only way of getting people to shut up and respect you - think of a school class, for instance. Sweet talk hardly ever works unless you have some magical charisma that stunns everyone, lol... I am sorry I have been very upfront about certain types that I see around me but then I think I have a gift/curse of seeing through many an act in this world, and it is not funny. Unfortunately I have a condition that makes it very hard for me to wind down once I've been provoked. It takes great efforts of trying to calm myself consciously, but it may still pop back up again very soon after, due to the mental overload. Of course I hope that gradually we'll have worked out all our issues, found a good mental attitude, and can live in peace. By that time we are hardly truly human anymore. Until then...?

Artwork: "Who Will Get The Rose?", handmade collage by author, all rights reserved 2008

Saturday, 5 July 2008

On Being A Spiritual Warrior

I've been feeling really rotten for a few days but was pretty upset that a good friend suggested anti-depressants. So that I should walk around like an uncreative zombie? How can people who supposedly care for you give such simplistic advice? Especially when they know that they are the cause of it, whether intentionally or not. That and many other things proved to me that we didn't know each other as well as she thought we did. I feel guilty for having blown up but I know now that a deep feeling of being disempowered and helpless took over and shook me to the roots. This is how I felt when I was a child; always powerless in front of those who supposedly knew more about me than I did. The sad fact is that my parents really had no clue whatsoever how to deal with a child, let alone their own problems. So there I was, forever waiting to grow up... and these things seems to be recurring now. My friend has kindly passed on channelled messages to me and it was great for a start: finally I was given some personal guidance. But she was stressed and unfocused and a lot of misunderstandings occurred that turned a good thing into one that was really harmful to me. So after a long period of attempted patience I just couldn't deal with it anymore. My stress level was soaring high and forget about the sleep... So how was I going to get out of this situation?

It seems that I created irrepairable damage to my relationship and so I had best forget about that and realize it was a very concrete example of the free will that I never realized I have so much of. What was I supposed to do now? Having thought about this for a sad and stressful day I realized that I shouldn't blame the guides, since they seemed to exist and a lot of what they said made sense. So I tried to pass on a message of truce to the universe. I don't blame my friend either but I think we should have talked about how much responsibility she carries as a channeller, and what distress being a guinea pig in this enterprise caused me. I had to take my power back. Even if it will again be a lonely road it is better that I am in charge of my life and don't let the people influence me emotionally NOR mentally. I just have to get on top of things, somehow, and sometimes it's best done alone. Especially if you feel overwhelmed and confused.

This very much reminds me of Karen Bishops latest energy alert which is all about volatile feelings and insecurity, plus a need for rejunvenation. So these are NOT easy times and that's a fact too. Sometimes my feelings are so deep I had never felt them that way before. This also reminds me of an old blog I wrote once when I was attempting to recollect my power from someone who was doing all they could to disempower me. It was widely read at the time. I'll include it here though it's already over a year old and my perspectives have changed since then.
"I know there is a book about being a spiritual warrior, but I haven't read it. Still the phrase has stuck on me, and I'm going to talk a little bit about what it means to me to be one.

The Law of Attraction is great for many but it's obvious that people will interpret it the way they want to. It's also true what a friend of mine pointed out, that it's everyone's own business if they want to create affluence or something else, what matters is whether this person's heart is open or not. This is again a very tricky thing. I don't think your heart just opens puff in an instant. Or if it does, then maybe it wasn't really closed in the first place, or maybe you're fooling yourself, or maybe it's really a question of a spontaneous, almost "miraculous" event. Who knows, probably anything is possible. But at least for me, it's a long and arduous process, that involves a lot of learning.

What I have been carrying with me for about 15 years now are the Buddhist and Taoist ideas that we need to become more discerning and take the right action at the right time. Apparently islam teaches this too. One needs to keep in mind that there's a difference between mystical teachings and the institutionalized religions, just as there's a difference between profound teachings and more superficial interpretations of the teachings that then often become what people usually call "dogmas" ( often in a slightly spiteful way). When I write or speak to people I tend to talk about my own experiences, because I think it's the most powerful tool we have to reach others. Some may not agree and may find me tedious. Sure, it's possible that I am tedious at times. But I want to try to stay true to myself and only use the insight that I feel I have integrated into my being, and not just repeat teachings in a bookish way. At least I try to.

I believe that honesty and truthfulness to ourselves and the point we are at in our own development are crucial. We have to allow ourselves to succeed and fail as well. The learning process is one of trial and error. Little by little we're getting there. However, the biggest challenge arises when other people are not accepting of our journey and do not tolerate neither our success nor our failure. I think that if you are sincere in wanting to learn how to keep your heart open, then many people and events will challenge you on the way. You will have plenty of opportunity to test your skills and your self-esteem and integrity. Since my heart started to open up, I have met many a control freak on the way. Many a times I have been stabbed in the back. These people are trying to exert power over me. They are trying to bend me to suit their purposes. They might start off by being nice to you and say something to the effect that they feel in their heart that you need a certain thing that they can show me. Often they are trying to "MAKE" me understand their insight and superior tutorial position. In my last blog I mentioned what someone had written to me things such as "I see through your stories", "how can I make you see what I'm trying to show you?", "your refuse to see what I'm trying to point out to you", etc. I had not provoked this person to say these things to me. At least I don't think I did. I did not write any long explanatory messages in self-defiance, because I figured, again this is a time to just stay quiet, then this problem will subside and I do not have to continue dealing with this person. I sincerely want things to end as fast as possible. But I did make some sarcastic remark as a reply, such as "oh really?". Apparently it was too much. When I got that very patronizing letter as a reply I saw red, and could not keep myself from answering back that who the heck do you think you are, etc. I guess sometimes you might even have to go to war and fight for your rights.

We do not want to be abused, nor be abusers, right? The point is not to give in to other people's idea of what you are supposed to be like, or what teachings you should follow. I think the difficulty is that you're still learning, so you may be both vulnerable and strong at the same time. I show a lot of my vulnerability to people, and hope that they don't abuse what they learn to know about me. This is probably a bit naîve of me, because very often they do, but maybe it is the only way I can be right now. I also show my strength and assertiveness at times, which also gets me into trouble. But honestly, what else can I do? I am still learning. At times I feel so lonely, as if it's me against the world. But then suddenly, someone comes and backs me up. That is just so beautiful. To me, this is the way of the spiritual warrior. Don't accept other people's crap. But try to head for the loving, compassionate approach and a strong, secure fort where nobody can hurt you anymore, and let go of the hurt of the past. Be true to yourself. Whatever you do, stay true.

Artwork: "There Is Nothing To Fear" (The Only Way Is Up), handmade collage/mixed media by author, all rights reserved 2008