Tuesday, 24 June 2008

Dealing With The Anxiety Of Releasing Our Old Life

It is strangely quiet all around. I suppose many are ruminating, contemplating, reflecting... and that is wonderful. Now if ever is a good time to ponder our set beliefs and question our conditioning. It is also a time that brings feelings of distress to the surface. I am sure that many of us feel embarrassed about it! Shouldn't we be stepping up the ladder already and not wollop about all sorts of things that are not even any of our own business... However, Karen Bishop explains it quite eloquently. We must not meddle with other people's paths but allow them to find their own inner stability and realization. This to me is a very painful process, as I have always felt a great need to assist and guide as much as I humanly can. Now I have to step back and watch all the misery that surround me without interfering. I think that what I feel is an anxiety based in compasssion on the one hand and disappointment of having to let go of things that didn't work out on the other. It is strange that the more you let go, the harder it seems to become, because the uncertainty and emptiness becomes ever more obvious. And then the waiting... the knowledge that there is nothing one can do but wait. Meanwhile all sorts of thoughts and feelings pass by and one must be vigilant not to allow them to hook up within you so that you get more bogged down than necessary. Still things of the past suddenly show up and shake you in a way that it never did back THEN! All I can say is that increased awareness of one's own emotional life enhances the sense of vulnerability, however without the benefit of being able to see the bigger picture yet.

For a while I was getting verification that all my secret intuitions of this life were indeed signs of insight and knowledge and not haphazard. Things that I suspected but had no way of confirming are now coming true. However, now, most of the time, it's all just quiet... in an almost spooky, ominous way. Occassionally there are some new things coming in, information that is totally unexpected. Many of us are wallowing in a sea of uncertainty, where many basic things are really hard to deal with. Even staying put as Karen Bishop suggests is hard, because it enhances the feeling of waiting and the impatience that follows thereupon. I do feel very strongly that allowing things to be without the urge to control one's life with too much assertion is very important right now. This she has been suggesting as well, and I wholeheartedly agree. I feel guilty to feel anxious of all this emptiness and the need of holding back on things that I feel tempted to affect in one direction or another. But I think there is nothing else we can do at this time. I thought I knew about all this already but apparently the sense of urgency and energetic infiltration is ever more present and causing ever more inner pressure! There is not much to hold onto and this we must accept! The new cannot enter unless we stop seeking ways of releasing our anxiety instead of releasing our old life!

All I can say is... be careful what you wish for, and what you think of yourself... I hope this artwork brings some thoughts to mind. It's called "Who Will Get The Rose?" (collage on paper 2008, all rights reserved).
Who is truly pure at heart?

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