This time I'd like to continue on the subject of manipulation and talk a little about spiritual jargon (household words for the initiated spiritual elite), but also tie it in with the idea of compassion. I have observed, that there are unfortunately many ways in which spiritual beliefs can be used against you in subtle ways, and I would like to raise awareness about this. Just keep your ears wide open and pay attention to what people say and in which context! Was the argument really in perfect tune with the subject matter in question? This is again an area in which I believe it's important to practice discernment. And if someone tells you you attracted some idiots into your life because you're not being a positive person yourself, watch out! It could be that you needed the idiot in order to learn something new and valuable. It may be that you taught the idiot something new and valuable (it may not sink in right away but maybe one they they'll get it!). Certainly there is always a need to be on the look out for our own shadows and see what it is that make us repeat certain patterns in our lives. But not all is shit that stinks just as not all is gold that glitters!
Here is an example. I was recently invited to become a writer for some kind of e-zine or whatever it was, but they didn't accept my first submission because in their mind the energy level wasn't high enough. I see... so truth is not an issue, only happy faces? It's important to be positive but we need to be real too, for goodness sakes! Ok, I admit the article in question was an old one and so maybe it's best buried and forgotten. However, I especially didn't like the way 'energy' was being used as an argument. If this sort of thing continues, it starts to resemble some kind of spiritual fascism where 'arian' is simply interchanged with 'high energy' or '5D frequencies'. I spot 'danger' here! Don't you? Way too many times have I encountered people who truly believe that spiritual elitism is okay.
Ok first, 'energy' has become a household word that most people understand even though it is not related to the physical definition of it. The 'dimension' thing (5D and above) is quite new to me and I never read any stuff about such things back in the 90's when I was still reading. Certainly it is a kind of illusion, and I guess I've more or less settled with a view that it 'kind' of exists. Really it's a tool more than anything else. I don't like how the ideas of 3D, 4D and 5D become jargon, but the truth is... sometimes we don't have much of a choice as language is limited and our perception also. I figure dimension is a reasonably useful word for categorizing various states of being. but it has been somewhat useful for me to use it as a tool for thinking and understanding that 3D corresponds with the typical Earth experience (very physical and unfortunately one in which people usually have to fake their identity) and 5D corresponds with my higher self.
I believe that residing in a state of being that corresponds with 5D allows us to be aware of the underlying unity and who we truly are. However it really throws me when people are using the various dimensions in the form of a jargon to enhance their sense of self-importance and belittle those who are not yet aware of that dimension. We ARE all one so at the bottom of the illusion we are living there is unquestionable equality and Oneness. Thus we all reside in all the dimensions that exist but perceiving them differently. Note that ascension would from this perspective mean a change of perception and attitude, not a tangible 'rising' of sorts.
I also don't like the way Oneness has become jargon, it's easy enough to talk about it but experiencing it is quite another issue.
I also sometimes feel that if I don't attract abundance in my life right now I had better put a bullet through my head.
Anyway... this little incident with the writer's site also caused a series of self-doubts within me.
I admit that some of the questions I started to pose myself were in fact warranted, but some of them made me more confused than I needed to be. Because of this project I had created another blogspace (this one in fact) which I also planned to use as a home for old blogs that originated from a site I left recently. I was thinking that there will always be people who will be in the same or a similar spot as I was in at the time being. However, as I looked at them more closely they didn't strike me as very relevant to who I am today, and so I started to feel embarrassed about putting them out there. Then I thought of editing them but saw that they were tied to a certain time period in my life and difficult to transcribe into a new form. At this point I was starting to feel stressed. I was wondering if I really wanted to be writing short 'pieces of wisdom and experience' (sic) to the general public anymore. What if the new me will be crucified when the old me was only being stoned?
Truth to say, I don't really feel like putting up a fake front of joy and happiness right now. (That has nothing to do with who I 'really' am though!) Life is damn hard at this moment in time and I don't think it's much easier for most people who are for real (or not aware of what is really going on). All around me I see chaos (a lot of incompetence and irritability in the most unlikely places in every day life!), and find that my own personal life is the least chaotic of all, haha. It didn't always used to be that way and so I am thinking, hey, I am really not doing all that bad! Should I be listening to the opinions of people who have no idea what my life has been like and what I have achieved? Of course not. And now I'm talking about people in general, not just the people at the spiritual site I mentioned in relation to my writing.
It's so easy to resort to clichés like 'you are attracting this or that because you are X'. In fact, it can easily be part of a jargon in which people try and prove that you're inferior, and I shun anything that smells of competition. All I want is just to share stuff as friends do. I have been looking around the spiritual communities on the internet and in the real world enough to know that times are rough for a lot of people and I think it's enough to stick with that and stop causing guilt in ourselves or others. I for one feel immensely tired of the human games and the ego tripping that abounds. Unfortunately I'm not yet strong enough to react with pure love and compassion at all times. It's not that I am not compassionate, it's that all this is too overwhelming.
I get messages about not allowing myself to be bogged down by other people's negative experiences anymore. This to me is the hardest lesson of all. How do I retain a sense of compassion without sucking up all the energy of those who suffer? I used to feel attracted to Mahayana Buddhism due to their pertinence regarding this particular question, and now I know why! I felt so drawn to the ideal of the Bodhisattva (the Buddha who postpones his or hers final enlightenment in order to come and assist Earth people time and time again) but didn't quite know why... It agitated me to be one but it also agitated me not to know if I was some kind of being like that or not!
I would like to point out, that many people will tell an empath that it is not okay to feel 'too much' for someone else. According to common psychology, this could be an indicator of borderline or childhood traumas relating to the caretakers. It is of my opinion that it doesn't have to be! You know the answer. Again, if I had believed everthing people told me about myself I would probably not be here to day.
For now, I simply don't know how to strike a balance between compassion and detachment, though I do think I will solve the problem eventually with a little help from a friend and our guides. I have to say that it is counter to my belief to avoid those who have a bad time. However, in the end this is maybe not the real question here. What I mean is... I have a tendency to go and die a martyr's death if it seems necessary at the time, but this doesn't necessarily mean there is anything badly wrong with me. It may only be an indicator that I am compassionate and in this life in order to assist certain beings (this is what I have come to believe). However, now is the time when I need to gather strength for the times to come so that I can be of real help when asked to assist. There are times when we are simply wasting our energies for no real good at all or waiting far too long for the results to show, and times when we can actually do something of value. Now seems to be the time to start discerning between the two case scenarios.
I have to be aware of not carrying other people's burdens. When it comes to my near ones this is where it becomes truly difficult. It also becomes difficult when people confront me with assertive and impertinent energies. The point is how to keep walking up the stairs so that we can be strong and good examples to those who follow later. Just as I was thinking that my compassion is finally showing outwards, I had to revise the way that I am using it in my life...
I don't know if others recognize this dilemma but to me it's a major turning point or a defining issue. It also means that I cannot be there for someone I care for very much. I feel that am not in our joint enterprise for the right reasons. I can't confront this person with my reasoning right now because they don't have the capacity to recieve it. And so I am having to wait... with a bleeding heart because I cannot express how I feel but also cannot feel what I would like to express. That is, for the time being.
Later addition: One thing that someone pointed out to me is the talk of 'boomeritis' which in fact is a generation of people who have become incredibly narcissistic. The idea was that everyone respects each other's truths and no one takes the lead, so no evolution happens, it's just status quo. I'd say this connects to the idea of self-enhancement since it then becomes totally ok to bring out all your asssets and a little more. This is a very typical American phenomenon and just saw a bit of an interview with the famous American literary critic Harold Bloom saying something along those lines but in a profane context. Everything has to be exaggerated and over-zealous, but where does that take us? Someone always has to be on top behind the scenes even if on the outside, everyone accepts that everyone else is fighting for the highest position. See what I mean? It's a viscious cirlce I guess. I was brought up in a totally different atmosphere where any kind of self-enhancement is looked upon with disdain, 'don't you dare think you're anything and better than others', lol. To brag about one's credentials is really a deadly sin over here. I have trouble believing that these tendencies will disappear over night... How can we acquire a real and authentic sense of equality?
We are conditioned to judge... It's an automatic almost. It's VERY hard to stand strong in one's own truth when there is so much peer pressure (have touched upon that in other blogs). There is much to say about all this... Chogyam Trungpa called it spiritual materialism some 25 years ago, so people have been trying to warn against the spiritual ego traps all throughout the New Age. How do we rise above the look of others? Those rolling eyes, the gaze of disapproval...? As I've said before, if I had not believed in my higher self all these years I would have succumbed to pressure and I don't think I would have survived it. The labels, the diagnoses, the assumptions, the judgments... Gee, what a world! Yarra, it's good you question the semantics here too. I'm not sure I see a whole lot of difference between detached and un-attached but I do see your point. I myself am really squeezed up against the wall right now though. Two people in my life are supposedly (according to higher sources) keeping me from ascending due to the frustration and worries they bring about in me. So it's a bit like goldenrunner's situation in which you feel you have no choice but to put up with the malaise, yet you know it's hampering you. Why did I have to wake up this morning with such a heavy heart? It's not right... there should be an end in sight, after all these years of struggling to do the right thing and take the blame and trying to fix one's own issues... At least as far as me and my friend's guides are concerned her and I don't have to learn more about these things, and so we do need to somehow disengage emotionally from the people who drain us with their oh so human ways of defending their position or the trouble they are going through. It's like my friend said, 'it's just one thing after another' these days. They are things that COULD be part of projections of our own shadow issues but apparently they aren't. The question remains what the best way of dealing with all this is. So... close contact is the hardest place to be when it comes to compassion. So I think you, Yarra, were talking about from a different point of view, right? Some of us are like sponges and we HAVE to do something about it. Though I've been told there's no real hurry one does feel that time and opportunity is slipping away somehow... I guess we are all so eager to see an end to our own misery whatever it is (those of us who are still entangled in something)....
Artwork: "Choose Your Friends Wisely" handmade collage by author, copyright 2008