Hurt Vanity in People Who Want to Teach You Spiritual Lessons

It's early morning and I'm missing out on some desperately needed sleep again. Yesterday I appeared on a forum on the internet, though I had vowed not to do so again. The reason is that as soon as I express my feelings someone appears who wants to help. That's all very well, except that most of the time these people seem to know exactly what I need and they also for some odd reason think I am asking for their help even if I am not. In this case I was just offering my sympathies to a woman who was having a hard time, though admittedly "sharing" with her by saying that it's not so great for me either, etc. I chose the word sympathy simply because I had no advice to offer (she was actually asking for it) and I wanted for her to feel that she's not alone. Well, you know, that sort of thing. But then suddenly I get this shower from a third party of the basic abc's of living a spiritual life and even a lecture on the difference between sympathy and empathy. I had to explain that I didn't feel in a position to be empathetic at that time. To me, many of the insinuations bordered on the offensive, because she was talking to me as if I have no clues about the workings of the Universe and that we do attract stuff depending on who we are. It's my belief, however, that this can be either depending on some personal quality within ourselves (some trait we hate, for instance), or a purpose of the soul that even us ourselves may not know what it is. To lecture me on such things when in fact I'm well aware of them is patronizing. I cannot stand it when people jump to conclusions (e.g. that I'm igorant and in need of guidance). I cannot deal with the stress of it! Especially when people like that put a lot of emotion in to their "help". It usually ends in tears, because people like that hardly ever take no as an answer and they tend to get very nasty due to their own past traumas of rejection. And you know what. We don't have to accept everyone else's gifts.

I know for sure that this person meant only well - from her point of view. But what I truly didn't like was that when I didn't accept her assumptions and she resorted to "I was guided to say these things" (thus directing the responsibility away from herself). Later on in the conversation, she also refrained to take responsibility for her advice and referred to it as stuff that came from somewhere else and that she thought I wanted all that. Well, she never asked me if I wanted it. So from my perspective, this is actually a case of trespassing someone else's personal space and something that truly happens a lot within New Age communities. You do need to ask permission to mess with someone else's direction and choices, because you simply can never know how many of your subjective perceptions are being filter through whatever it is that you're channelling (if you are, of course).

I don't like to criticize people by principle but I don't see how else I can hightlight issues that really are not (at least to me) okay in the world we live in today. Just because people are spiritually minded it doesn't guarantee that they are humble and truly listen to what your specific needs are. I spent the whole day yesterday trying to make the person in question feel better about herself because she obviously got defensive and distraught when I didn't welcome her with open arms. This was draining me and so I should in fact have left it alone. She said she was a healed person but what I got energetically was pretty chaotic. And I promise you that I wasn't being rude by any means. This morning I did, however, feel that I had to state my point and tell the community that I won't participate anymore. I simply cannot deal with the stress of such conflicting and pushy mindsets, especially when I know where they tend to lead to if the conversations carry on. This case reminds me of a really nasty one last summer where the person flipped out completely, and many other similar cases. They become very sour, judgmental and plain nasty. Their lasts words are usually "Well, you obviously don't want to grow". Sigh. I have written about similar incidents before because I think it's important to recognize manipulation, especially in terms of spiritual beliefs. There's something about people who want to help just a bit too eagerly. It's the resquer - syndrome. It's as bad as people who don't care at all (two extremes in other words). Oh stupid me who didn't cut the bad plant right at the root.

Please honour the sacred truth that people need to be asked if they want to be helped or not, especially when we're dealing with really deep issues. Wouldn't you agree? I also think it's common courtesy to be very gentle with people we do not know. I've noticed that people think they know others way too soon on the internet. Haven't you noticed too?

I think a big problem many of us have right now are conflicting feelings about our reality. Many of us can see very many aspects of it and it's very confusing and tiring. I personally don't see people as only evil and deceitful though at times maybe I come across as bitter about such things. I also see so much beauty in humans. Don't jump on someone just because they feel broken on a specific day. Get to know them first!

It's popular to asume that people are plagued by self-blame and other self-destructive tendencies. That at least is actually a place I refuse to go, I don't believe in it for a second. I just withdraw if I don't feel wanted. There could be a multitude of reasons why people don't like me, it could even be that I carry more light than them. Who knows? That doesn't mean I am not aware of certain faults or idiosyncracies in me and that certain people might feel put off by them. I'm still human enough to feel hurt when I sense this, and would rather be told in neutral terms what exactly is bothering someone about my persona. Most people run away though. Honest communication is still not all that valued (don't you agree?). On the other hand, people tend to assume a lot of things about others so especially here on the internet it can get complicated because it's hard to convey the whole picture. So some of what someone thinks could be quite to the point but some could be beside the point altogether.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing but I feel compelled to tear down some conceptions that I just don't think are all that helpful, namely spiritual talk and stuff that has become automated (e.g. the very popular arguments connected to the Law of Attraction). I am NOT saying that some of it is not helpful to some people who still need to hear WORDS to comfort themselves with, but I am speaking for myself and those who are somehow "beyond" that or for whatever reason don't resonate anymore. I don't know what I am: I love words and thinking but I do need to make more space for simple being and try harder to remove expectations and other forms of mindstuff that influences my emotions.

Artwork: "Lifeline", digital photograph by author, all righs reserved