Saturday 5 July 2008

On Being A Spiritual Warrior


I've been feeling really rotten for a few days but was pretty upset that a good friend suggested anti-depressants. So that I should walk around like an uncreative zombie? How can people who supposedly care for you give such simplistic advice? Especially when they know that they are the cause of it, whether intentionally or not. That and many other things proved to me that we didn't know each other as well as she thought we did. I feel guilty for having blown up but I know now that a deep feeling of being disempowered and helpless took over and shook me to the roots. This is how I felt when I was a child; always powerless in front of those who supposedly knew more about me than I did. The sad fact is that my parents really had no clue whatsoever how to deal with a child, let alone their own problems. So there I was, forever waiting to grow up... and these things seems to be recurring now. My friend has kindly passed on channelled messages to me and it was great for a start: finally I was given some personal guidance. But she was stressed and unfocused and a lot of misunderstandings occurred that turned a good thing into one that was really harmful to me. So after a long period of attempted patience I just couldn't deal with it anymore. My stress level was soaring high and forget about the sleep... So how was I going to get out of this situation?


It seems that I created irrepairable damage to my relationship and so I had best forget about that and realize it was a very concrete example of the free will that I never realized I have so much of. What was I supposed to do now? Having thought about this for a sad and stressful day I realized that I shouldn't blame the guides, since they seemed to exist and a lot of what they said made sense. So I tried to pass on a message of truce to the universe. I don't blame my friend either but I think we should have talked about how much responsibility she carries as a channeller, and what distress being a guinea pig in this enterprise caused me. I had to take my power back. Even if it will again be a lonely road it is better that I am in charge of my life and don't let the people influence me emotionally NOR mentally. I just have to get on top of things, somehow, and sometimes it's best done alone. Especially if you feel overwhelmed and confused.

This very much reminds me of Karen Bishops latest energy alert which is all about volatile feelings and insecurity, plus a need for rejunvenation. So these are NOT easy times and that's a fact too. Sometimes my feelings are so deep I had never felt them that way before. This also reminds me of an old blog I wrote once when I was attempting to recollect my power from someone who was doing all they could to disempower me. It was widely read at the time. I'll include it here though it's already over a year old and my perspectives have changed since then.
"I know there is a book about being a spiritual warrior, but I haven't read it. Still the phrase has stuck on me, and I'm going to talk a little bit about what it means to me to be one.

The Law of Attraction is great for many but it's obvious that people will interpret it the way they want to. It's also true what a friend of mine pointed out, that it's everyone's own business if they want to create affluence or something else, what matters is whether this person's heart is open or not. This is again a very tricky thing. I don't think your heart just opens puff in an instant. Or if it does, then maybe it wasn't really closed in the first place, or maybe you're fooling yourself, or maybe it's really a question of a spontaneous, almost "miraculous" event. Who knows, probably anything is possible. But at least for me, it's a long and arduous process, that involves a lot of learning.

What I have been carrying with me for about 15 years now are the Buddhist and Taoist ideas that we need to become more discerning and take the right action at the right time. Apparently islam teaches this too. One needs to keep in mind that there's a difference between mystical teachings and the institutionalized religions, just as there's a difference between profound teachings and more superficial interpretations of the teachings that then often become what people usually call "dogmas" ( often in a slightly spiteful way). When I write or speak to people I tend to talk about my own experiences, because I think it's the most powerful tool we have to reach others. Some may not agree and may find me tedious. Sure, it's possible that I am tedious at times. But I want to try to stay true to myself and only use the insight that I feel I have integrated into my being, and not just repeat teachings in a bookish way. At least I try to.

I believe that honesty and truthfulness to ourselves and the point we are at in our own development are crucial. We have to allow ourselves to succeed and fail as well. The learning process is one of trial and error. Little by little we're getting there. However, the biggest challenge arises when other people are not accepting of our journey and do not tolerate neither our success nor our failure. I think that if you are sincere in wanting to learn how to keep your heart open, then many people and events will challenge you on the way. You will have plenty of opportunity to test your skills and your self-esteem and integrity. Since my heart started to open up, I have met many a control freak on the way. Many a times I have been stabbed in the back. These people are trying to exert power over me. They are trying to bend me to suit their purposes. They might start off by being nice to you and say something to the effect that they feel in their heart that you need a certain thing that they can show me. Often they are trying to "MAKE" me understand their insight and superior tutorial position. In my last blog I mentioned what someone had written to me things such as "I see through your stories", "how can I make you see what I'm trying to show you?", "your refuse to see what I'm trying to point out to you", etc. I had not provoked this person to say these things to me. At least I don't think I did. I did not write any long explanatory messages in self-defiance, because I figured, again this is a time to just stay quiet, then this problem will subside and I do not have to continue dealing with this person. I sincerely want things to end as fast as possible. But I did make some sarcastic remark as a reply, such as "oh really?". Apparently it was too much. When I got that very patronizing letter as a reply I saw red, and could not keep myself from answering back that who the heck do you think you are, etc. I guess sometimes you might even have to go to war and fight for your rights.

We do not want to be abused, nor be abusers, right? The point is not to give in to other people's idea of what you are supposed to be like, or what teachings you should follow. I think the difficulty is that you're still learning, so you may be both vulnerable and strong at the same time. I show a lot of my vulnerability to people, and hope that they don't abuse what they learn to know about me. This is probably a bit naîve of me, because very often they do, but maybe it is the only way I can be right now. I also show my strength and assertiveness at times, which also gets me into trouble. But honestly, what else can I do? I am still learning. At times I feel so lonely, as if it's me against the world. But then suddenly, someone comes and backs me up. That is just so beautiful. To me, this is the way of the spiritual warrior. Don't accept other people's crap. But try to head for the loving, compassionate approach and a strong, secure fort where nobody can hurt you anymore, and let go of the hurt of the past. Be true to yourself. Whatever you do, stay true.


Artwork: "There Is Nothing To Fear" (The Only Way Is Up), handmade collage/mixed media by author, all rights reserved 2008

16 comments:

  1. i saw your latest blog at lightworkers , just leave them , when you want to see some blogs do as i do , go there and read as a guest , it is the best way to do it . Namaste .

    ReplyDelete
  2. in case you dont remember me , it is jean colemonts , my email is jeancolemonts@gmail.com . Much Love . I knew before you went the USA that it would become not as you would expected , but nobody anyway believes me , so i stopped to say things to people , i am sorry it did not suceed .

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow, I was wondering where you had disappeared to. Well, we all know a bit of this and a bit of that, and I've made important friends on LW but almost all males are fiendish. I don't know how much longer I can take it, it's very distressing since I can't take much stress. Good to hear from you. I hope you're ok?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Btw, I do want to comment on things and help others, and it's something I've done quite a lot on that site. But truth is very relative over there and very few acknowledge your efforts.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi there dear sister. Nellie ex lightwork's user. I want to let you know that you are special just the way you are. I too was given some so called advise help from another user. They offer to help and when I opened up about how I got there. Maxwell's silver hammer came down on my head (Beatles). The person I am sure was doing me a favor but basically made me feel I did not belong there since I had so far to go. They also spoke on behalf of GOD and said He would not be able to help me either. I responded with much annoyance at the arrogrance of this person. They are actually helping others, Lord knows if they listen they could lose all faith in how much they have accomplished in their inner search. The reflection I saw was not mine and I hope that this person will get it. Compassion and empathy are what most folks need. Wisdom comes with compassion, they may know alot and do alot but they have not learned respect for others. Harshness is a form of laziness to get the job done quick. No understanding required just brush them away like flys.

    I feel for you and do not ever give up. I left because I knew that is was my sign to go elsewhere and find what I require in knowledge, experience etc. It has been a life journey. My email is gatt_17@hotmail.com if you want to reply. Blessings and love Nellie

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Nellie! How nice to hear your comments, and well put too! Whoa, you did have one of THOSE experiences. I'm sorry you left but I know the feeling... I just left Gaia.com due to a feeling of 'it's enough now'. I also believe like you that we are not always a mirror to someone or attracted by law, haha. I have various random thoughts on that that maybe I shoud compile. Thing is, I do believe very much in shadow work (mutual attraction) but there are also things that happen just because, due to free will. Women get harassed all the time. Now whose fault is it? ;-) I think we know the answer. But men like to find excuses to cover up their inadequacy, I'm with you on that. I will have to consider if i served my time or not, however people are asking me to stay. Perhaps because I speak up but I try and encourage those who are humble and sensitive. It seems anyway... Thank you for your address, would love to talk to you more! Much love!

    ReplyDelete
  7. hahahahaha .... i also left Gaia community ... well actually my profile is there but i dont access it anymore ... a lot of sites i participated i am not anymore ... as Albert Einstein stated :"There are two things that are infinite , the universe and the human stupidity , but i am not absolutely sure about the first one " ... hahahahaahaaa ... LOL ... bingo , he was right ... it is all a game that most of the people dont want to leave ... but it is a dangerous game ... but even so they dont want to let it go ...

    ReplyDelete
  8. PS: Dont post anything at my blog , i dont access it also anymore ... as i said before a lot of things i do not anymore ... example , wasting my words to people that dont want to understand ...

    ReplyDelete
  9. add me at myspace , mine is www.myspace.com/jeancolemonts , i dont know your last name nor your email , have fun ... hahahaha ...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Well I'm tired of the human game too, but there are kind people who have urged me to stay. No such people at Gaia, though a few remained as contacts. I had 82 friends' icons and knew nothing about most of them. LW is better in that respect, there is interaction between people if you use discernment, however having to watch it all the time is pretty heavy too. Right now I'm so isolated so it's about the only social life I have. I wonder what your exact reason for leaving was? If you don't want to tell here I can contact you in other ways.

    ReplyDelete
  11. i actually didnt leave , they banned me four times .... hahahhaha .... even using other names ... people there feel my energies ... yes we need contact with other people , i know how it is to feel isolated , i do prefer myspace ... have a lot of good friends there ... well , actually no so much , but enough , people of lightworker still enter in contact with me via skype or myspace , if you have skype see if i am online , my skype user name is : jean.servais.henri.colemonts with the dots , just add me , i think i have found out why we are having so much problems , i am thinking a lot about it , and i really think i have a good answer for those problems we are having , it is a shift yes , but it is a quantum shift in our brains , our neurons are changing in unpredictable way , that is what really is happening with all of us , i mean the more sensitive persons ... my premise is based on scientific research , i have done a lot ... i can give you a lot of scientific data about it ... the problem is how to live with it ... and how can we find a way to accept it also ... maybe it is due the photon belt ... and also meditating and thinking and reasoning a lot ... we are merging in the quantum world ... as the first ones ... we are a litlle lost about it all ... because nobody comes out with a good explanation ... but there is a good explanation ... remember that we have more then 100 million neurons that can be excited at quantum levels ... i think we are increasing the quality and quantity of those neurons ... it is a natural process , the only problem is that most of the science is still studying the newtonian world ... very few scientist are beginning to perceive it , so we "mystics" are perceiving and feeling the change ... but we dont know how it is happening ... so a lot of people are just lost ... that is why so much information that dont agree ... channelings and so on ... we are the first ones ... so they try to explain as something very mystical , but it is in reality a quantum problem . If you want i can make a list of books where you can begin to study the quantum phenomena , but you have to find out between the lines the information , very little has been researched at the brain levels ... Dana Zohar gives a lot of information about it , but as i said , you have to find out it between the lines . Much love to you .

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi, I'll respond to what you wrote here and then add you on myspace. I don't use it much but it's one way of sharing. Whoa, it's interesting that you were banned, surely you mean they warned you three times first? That's what they do. That's why, it seems, they don't throw out the guy who was bothering me (and who is not much liked by many women). Do you want to tell what they thought was the reason for this? Because you speak up like I do... :-/ Eeek. Don't know when they'll throw me out too, especially since one of the moderators suddenly stabbed me in the back. I can believe that there is a shift also on the physical level, surely there has to be. I read Danah's book long ago so I know a little. I really don't have much interest in digging too deep into the scientific facts, I have too much else to worry about and to do. I need to write my book but it requires very serious thought since I don't want to sound presumptious. Meanwhile there's a lot of emotional havoc in my life too. I've got to try and keep life relatively simple so that I can survive all this. How are you managing yourself? Much love to you too!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Warnings ? You mean 3 warnings ? No ... just banned without warning , i did not know they warned before ... do i need a lawyer ? lol ... hahhahahahaha .... after that i used pseudonyms and i was banned more 3 times .... hahahhaha ... they smell me there .... hahhahahah.... ( maybe i need to take a good bath ) .... it was really funny .... do you want to have more fun , go and see http://www.lightworkers.org/blog/36812/where-did-moon-go , if you find the moon , please , i beg you , help us to put it where it belongs ... Thanks . Namaste . Ps: But i have still good relationships with some people of lightworkers , like you now , i talk with them via skype or at myspace , so it is better this way ...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh :-( I guess they protect some people then. The rules seem to shift depending on the situation. I haven't read them, just taken the word of the moderators. Truth to say since one stabbed me in the back and the others patronize me, I have deleted most of my blogs and am posting some here instead. It's a pity that you can't ever allow yourself to trust anybody. But there are some nice people with whom one can discuss certain issues, thank god for that. Wish I had some in real life though, it gets rather weird to be depending on the virtual contacts alone. I added you on myspace so you can contact me that way if you feel like it. I am now withdrawing a bit though, it's been too intense online for the past two years. See ya!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Vivi, you said in one of your comments on here "But men like to find excuses to cover up their inadequacy, I'm with you on that." Isn't that a bit misandry on your part? I'm not some scared male in this newly "feminist" world either but still, spiritual beings don't speak of "genders" like that. The thing is that you are at peace as long you don't speak up or express something. For someone with brain (usually humans and sometimes LAWYERS too ;) that can invite "any", let me repeat and reiterate on "any" sort of comment. Be prepared to be shocked, surprised or at times disgusted. peace!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I did? Again, it was long ago. Perhaps I should say "men sometimes like to find excuses...". It's just a conversation. I'm not sure who or what you are referring to in terms of spiritual beings. I'm a a mere human... ;-).

    ReplyDelete