Chaos and extreme Polarization Precede New Order and Harmony

I don't feel too bright at the moment but felt like getting a few things off my chest so to speak. Well, I am trying not to care too much about what others say about the energies at the moment, as it's really all just very confusing. What I do know is that I'm in some process of my own simply because I feel different from the way I've felt in the past. And really, that should be enough but our minds are always busy asking why, when and how. Of course, if the process was all happy and joyful it would be quite a different thing that would elicit a very different attitude from myself. But the tough parts... well, of course you can't help questioning the feeling of such extreme vulnerability. Yet surely increasing sensitivity is not always just a result of disruptive encounters and external energies that encrouch on one's physical and emotional well being? Surely increasing sensitivity makes many of those issues feel all the more unbearable, to the point where you think you are completely trashed on the inside. I have no clear answer but it seems to me that a bit of everything is true. You just cannot have new order unless you've been through chaos, and when chaos prevails on all the different levels of our being at different points in time... well there just may not be that many moments when you feel happy and complete. Yet I'm not saying there aren't some moments that allow you a peep into a more harmonious state of being... sometimes when I feel really hopeless a feeling of hope shoots up and helps me continue. And I didn't force it.

Some discussion on a forum whether Obama is an agent of the light or the dark elicited a response from me about what I perceive as the polarized nature of American mentality. The USA is a funny sort of place because of its contrasts. It's also a society that is very much at the forefront everywhere - for better and for worse. Sometimes we get so much of American culture and American issues we don't know what to do with ourselves! On the one hand Americans have so much personal freedom to be what you want to be and speak your mind, and that fosters a very lucrative market for self-help and positive thinking. On the other there's a lot of competition and many sensitive people are under a lot of pressure to keep up with the Jones's or to simply survive. Religion is also very strong and tends to colour people's perceptions to a very high degree. You often hear comments and arguments of a social nature that refer to religious sentiments. Of course, this makes for a great growing ground for any form of spiritual belief system. The influx of spiritual literature into Europe is immense. Well, in short I feel that these factors tend to create an abnormal sense of division in people's minds, and so polarities are highly accentuated. Positive versus negative, good versus bad, black versus white, light versus dark, beautiful versus ugly, and so forth. Money, success and good looks are being stressed to the extreme. Of course, this is my personal perception albeit shared with many others, but obviously anyone is free to disagree. But the point is... why do I care about the deeper workings of the American mind in the first place?

Well, on the one hand I feel very attracted to a society that encourages quite a lot of open dialogue in a language that I can understand. It may be hard to make friends but social interaction on a superficial level is certainly a lot easier over there and I find that a sort of bonus in every day life. On the other hand what I perceive as division puzzles and disturbs me. However, it's clear that it's something I need to come to terms with within myself. I need to find some sort of peace regarding the fact that reality here on Earth can be very extreme. The way things sometimes stretch very far on the polarity axis almost causes me to feel physical pain. Is it any wonder that I started my esoteric journey 15 years ago by investigating into dualism and the role of paradoxes as a way of uniting and transcending polarities? By attempting to see the reality and the truth of the two sides of a story as well as thinking in terms of "both-and" instead of "either-or" we can get quite far in changing the way we are conditioned to look at reality. I don't think it's possible to transcend polarities entirely but one can see them for what they are; two sides of one coin. Despite being somewhat skilled in this sort of thinking, I still find it hard to apply this to some of life's conditions on a practical level. Some things are just very hard and overwhelming to deal with when you're emotionally involved, and sometimes the process calls for quite a lot of patience. Anything that represents very strong positive and negative currents still stirs me...

Something quite funny happened the other day. I was in the big city when a lady called and so it was hard to hear what she was trying to say. She was disappointed that my exhibition in my home town was not on anymore and was wondering if she might see my artwork elsewhere. She said she was with a "mystic group" who were doing an excursion to my town, but she was worried about finding things to do there (no wonder!). I spontaneously invited them to my house. She was thrilled. I said, well as an artist I'm only very happy that people want to come to see my art, so really the pleasure was on my side! I couldn't quite make out what she was saying about food so I offered to serve them some coffee and tea. She was even more thrilled. She didn't think something like this might be possible. I was very happy to be the agent of such a positive occurrence in these people's lives!

Well, I cleaned my house and rearranged bits and pieces that I had meant to deal with for a long time. I made an apple pie and small sandwhiches, realizing I missed having a tea party but also feeling terribly out of practice. Everything went fine and took exactly two hours as I had anticipated. Still I talked a lot about my art but not nearly as much as I could have... I understand that people have a very limited ability to digest new information and it didn't seem to me as these people were quite as much into esoteric thinking as I had initially thought. The leader of the group was a real darling and very perceptive about my artwork, so I got a lot from hearing her comments. Contrary to people's beliefs, I don't mind hearing alternative interpretations of my artwork. The point is not to get across a specific idea, but to awaken a response in the other person. This is how life works; we can never communicate an exact thought or feeling but only hint at them and hope that another person responds to our signals in some way or another. Their experience is just as valid as mine, regardless of the source. This lady said she felt comfortable expressing her views because of the allowing atmosphere, and I was more than happy about that.

However, I could easily have found myself in a very vulnerable position. If no one had shown genuine interest I would have felt devastated. So my desire to have some kind of in-home gallery in the future might have to be revised. Of course, I don't know about the future but at the moment all the inner processes and emotional havoc in regards to online dating has left me even more sensitive than before. There are moments when I feel completely trashed on the inside and don't have a very strong feeling of self-esteem.

I was thinking the other day, that I sometimes feel a bit inferior because I'm not a healer like so many other spiritual people. But the truth is, you don't have to be a healer just because you trod a spiritual path that means the world to you. There are other things you can do that stimulate change (and maybe even forms of healing) in yourself and your environment. Also - some things you learn about in this life may be used in the next. You just don't always know where your life is heading, all you can do is try and stay in touch with your sense of purpose and do whatever feels meaningful even if it presents you with a lot of challenges. Not everything is always easy. Some things that used to be easy can become very arduous because the level of your learning is much higher. Do not despair if you're not quite like anyone else.

Artwork: "Emotions 2/6", handmade collage by author, all rights reserved 2003

The Ascension and Moral - The Ascension Explained from My Point of View

The Ascension is the most common name for what is believed to be an evolutionary shift of the collective consciousness on Earth. As it has been talked about for very long and the belief that humankind is going from one level of existance to another is very widespread, then it would certainly be one of the biggest scams of all time if it wasn't true! The background that I have in Ken Wilber's philosophy helps me understand that consciousness does evolve just as anything else, and that there are stages humans go through individually as well as on a collective level. What follows here are some notes on the moral aspect of it all, but they are my personal speculations and not forged in stone. I have yet to encounter anyone who really seems to know what will happen. It does seem as if we're right in the middle of a transformative process, however, as chaos and confusion is all around and people appear more selfish than ever when in fact we are supposed to become more heart centred. After all, selfishness is the epitome of individuality (establishing a firm sense of self), which is what last evolutionary phase has been all about. It occurred to me, that there's a very good ontological (basic) reason why a selfishness that borders on plain narcissism is at the very centre of attention these days. Selfishness is the heightened and extreme expression of individuality, and we are hopefully leaving a stage of evolution that is mainly about the development of ego. Of course it's kicking as much as it can if change is ahead. It usually gets darker just before dawn, doesn't it.

I have observed New Age people and their thoughts for quite some time as well and have been influenced by the movement in certain ways. I have, however, sometimes been taken aback by the way that simple common sense ways of being have been twisted to suit some purpose that appears rather self-indulgent if not conceited. Many have been boldly proposing that there's going to be a "suvival of the fittest" kind of scenario with a fascist twist unless I have misunderstood it; people who are spiritual enough will according to this all heal physically and emotionally quite quickly now and so they will be superior to those who cannot keep up. Considering how many people are out there without a clue about any evolutionary shift, this seems rather supercilious and unrealistic to me. I doubt that physical illness will magically disappear. Some illnesses are also not fixable. I'm not sure how but surely people will continue to be in the need of challenges that develop the soul? Now another challenge might be that of affluence. I am personally not very keen on all the propaganda that "you can have it all because you were really meant to" since there seems to be way too many pitfalls when people start wanting and grasping. Poverty is certainly not a great state of being and it can drag you down a great deal. In short; worrying about money or thinking about it all of the time seem to me like a rather negative and extreme pursuit that takes away awareness from more "noble" and constructive ideals such as compassion and altruism. These are after all what the ascension promises to imbue the collective consciousness with. I personally try and avoid extremes and go for the middle path whenever possible.

However, if you do have money it seems to me that you would be better off thinking what good you can do with it. Not saying you can't enjoy it yourself too, only that it might be better for you if you strike a balance and really think about the ethical aspects and how this situation can help you grow as a person. It seems to me that while actively growing you automatically pay service to the rest of the world/universe - many of those things come as a biproduct that you don't need to worry too much about nor try and control. This would be one of the beautys of self-development...

I've also encountered view points according to which at this point of the ascension there's a division between the ones who have chosen their standpoint and those who haven't. The first could with good conscience leave the latter alone to wallow in their misery. Trouble is... there is never (as far as I've seen) any definition of exactly who is what. How do you know that you're on the "right side"? In my opinion this creates a lot of stress and hyped up feelings in people who think that they need to show their supremacy 24/7 so as to show everyone and the universe that they are on the ascension boat. On the other hand people are often guilt ridden because they feel they don't match up with ideals that they've read about somewhere...

Again, most people are living their lives clueless of what's happening... maybe they are going through some inner processes of re-evaluation but it's hard to know for sure since only spiritual people are vocal about these things (and have a frame of reference). Surely we can't just dismiss people callously, according to some vague definition on who would fit the bill of being the devil's advocate? I've seen too many so-called spritual aspirants show really nasty sides of themselves to believe that all this would be so black and white. I'm not even convinced that Obama, who is almost deified, is solely on the side of the good. I think in the end mistakes will be made simply because he's human and the collective is affecting everybody. On the other hand, this guy has indeed dipped into the worst kind of chaos and we can only hope that there will be a new regime with a new value system.

So how to determine if you're someone who should step up and be a leader? Well, having gone through a long training in spiritual strength could possibly qualify you as someone with enough wisdom and stamina to stand up for sound values and face the ignorant without fear. I think it's something a person should be able to do on their own, since the idea of gathering disciples or followers seems to me very "old world" like (or "3D" as opposed to 4D or 5D as people often call the levels when referring to the shift). I think a person can be a leader in a less than obvious way. Not ruling out certain situations where leading people in a very concrete way might be necessary, but only hoping that such a person is truly beyond any desire to be admired or at least able to keep such desires in check. I don't think there are any obvious external signs of who could be that sort of person. I do think that to some extent, people still need to be led and that dismissing the one's who are ill or poor as not vibrating high enough is against all common sense about compassion and the basic unity of humanity. People should at least be made aware of their choices, but how is this going to take place? In short I'm troubled that too much selfishness is still ruling people's choices but let's just hope evolution will take its natural course regardless and that all these questions will be solved in a natural manner.

I think that if I were a person suddenly compelled to step into leadership I'd hope that the tasks would come to me naturally without any forcing on my part. We can wish all we wish... ultimately I do not think that a truly wise person will be able to resist the voice of conscience and do what they are supposed to do for the good of the whole. I (as the spiritual people who believe in the ascension) assume that people are inherently good and only clouded by ignorance. Being in touch with your authenticity and goodness would compel you to be a compassionate being, because your core is of a divine nature and divine in this case is defined as equal to love. The ignorance and false beliefs about reality and self would have dissipated. This state of being is often referred to as Christ consciousness.

In my humble opinion the ascension has to do with listening to internal voices as opposed to external ones. Take for instance religion: exoteric religion that relies on dogmas and rituals seems to be making way to a more widespread interest in esoteric religion, which again relies on contemplation through inner states of being (mysticism). The New Age resembles mysticism to a large extent as presented in the world religions throughout the ages. So one would assume that moral would become something that arises from the inner self rather than the typical old world need to be told what to do (as if we were children). If we're in transition right now, then one can only assume this transition is difficult, since taking responsibility for your inner states no matter what they are is a tough thing to do.

I thus conclude that an evolved being has an innate sense of moral which is connected to a deep insight into the oneness of all beings. The sense of oneness is also one of the things that esoteric beliefs strive towards. Oneness (non-dualism or the belief and experience that we are all one on a deeper level) is what would compel an evolved person to the highest good for the whole rather than seeking self-indulgent pleasures alone. Not saying though that this person cannot experience pleasure and joy, on the contrary. It would just be different from the kind emanated from selfishness (what people refer to as the simple "ego", an illusory self).

I think that as you evolve, paradoxes become more evident. You go from an either-or kind of thinking to embracing both-and, and from there it also continues in a sort of dialectic way. Thus there may be no contradiction regarding an inherent moral that compels you to do good for the whole of existance, and an individual feeling of pleasure in doing so.

Power in my opinion is not necessarily a sign of a highly evolved being, as power can be understood in too many ways. There is a lot of talk of being empowered vs disempowered, and sure these are important aspects of the transformation of self. But to put too much emphasis on power per se can in my opinion make the whole thing tip over.

Artwork: "All the World's a Stage...", artwork on paper by author, all rights reserved 1998

Is Obama Who He Seems to Be?

I feel as if I'm coming out of a closet of sorts when I'm saying this. But I've been pretty concerned about the way American society has elevated Obama to the status of some form of saviour. My gutfeeling is that there are too many expectations on him, and that it will cloud his judgment. I see a man who also has a dark side that is not obvious to the naked eye. I see someone who fits into the society and its expectations with slickness - for instance, judging by the style and manner of the discourse. I think he has good intentions but I also sense something sordid. When the American society has been cheering, I've been feeling as if I had a hang over. Following how people have reacted on the internet (especially Twitter was interesting in this regard) I could see so much blind admiration that it chilled me to the bone. Even spiritually minded people seemed very angry at those who expressed worry and caution. Someone asked why some people want to spoil the joy the Americans were feeling. I feel sorry for the utter desperation that is at the bottom of such feelings and a need to believe in a saviour. Well, if you ask me, I find it hard to believe that the strong dichotomies in that society will be easily bridged. I see a stark, blinding light (which in other words is not pleasant to the eye) and sharp shadows. But I feel that it will be a case of "I told you so" when the difficult years ahead have been consummated.

I came across some predictions and visions yesterday. It was chilling to see that so many have had acopalyctic visions and not very optimistic visions of a president who has taken over with such unprecedented ease. Some have gone as far as to call him antichrist, others are more down-to-earth and only see a man who will not be able to make the right decisions, and there will be plenty of symptoms of a phenomenon you could call "the end of the world". Apparently, in four year's time things will change (we have all heard of the 2012 phenomenon, right?). Be it as it may, I was anyway interested to see that I'm not the only one with a feeling that things are not always what they seem and that most people who seem too good to be true, really are. We shall see. Of course I hope that my intuitions are correct for my own sake but I hope they aren't for the sake of this world and what we all may have to go through in the years to come. I probably have reasons to be grateful that I was not meant to stay in that part of the world.

Artwork: "Caught Forever", digital photograph by author, all rights reserved 2008