True Equality!

My energies at this stage in my life are preoccupied elsewhere, and I have not felt much inclination towards keeping this blog going. I am sure I will come back to it later when my life has settled but am apologizing for some delay... I am now in the midst of turmoil in that I'm moving countries and getting married. My previous entry was probably a bit soppy and I don't want to go on sounding insipid or trite! My focus has changed and I'm not sure how it will translate into more philosphical musings.

I recalled having written some things on equality in the past. I was in a lot of despair at the time because of the whole dating game that I experienced as so trying and depressing. I will pick out some central viewpoints  and comment on them from my present perspective, which has shifted since I met my fiancée. I hope to take the discussion even further in the future as this is a very exciting subject matter.

"I come from a country where men and women had to work side by side in a rather equal fashion in order to survive the harsh climate. At least that's how equality in our country is usually being explained. Note that Finland is among the few countries that has a female president"

While this is true, it has also been clear to me that equality in Scandinavia has been taken to an extreme or to be more exact; is at this point in time it's ruled by certain arid, set concepts rather than true, feeling-based respect towards our differences as men and women. I found while dating that men in this part of the world had a tendency to either dismiss any form of gallantry towards the woman or even complained that they should have the same rights as women! This was to me a rhetorical reply rather than a genuine response from one human to another.

I saw a documentary by a Finnish guy that brought out the fact that gender studies at the University still refuse to acknowledge that there are any significant differencies between the ways men and women function. He demonstrated through his empirical research that men solve problems by setting up hierarchies and competitive situations while women prefer to negotiate on a basis of equality. While this to me seems self-evident (and more or less the message in the popular Venus and Mars - books) it was baffling to learn that authorities still wish to ignore this. It was also suggested that women have trouble asking for a higher salary and feeling worthy of it. I can certainly relate to this, though in other areas of life. Being a female go-getter is probably less common than finding an assertive male, though at the same time we mustn't forget that exceptions usually confirm the rules.  

In my present relationship, we have acknowledged all gender differences from the very start and treated them as objective facts that we can joke about. It doesn't mean we don't take them seriously too, but only in relation to our need to fit together and work as a team. Many of our strengths and weaknesses are tied to our personalities or our physical condition, but a great number of them are also evidently tied to our gender. We are exploring these and trying to find a way of complementing each other that is genuine and respectful. I am very lucky to have met someone who is motivated to do this and doesn't hold his own activities or products as so sacred that they cannot be shared with another. His intelligence is such that he is able to grasp the higher meaning of teamwork within a relationship.

As an example, we curated an exhibition together and found that we were able to do a very good job as long as we did it rapidly without concerns of the ego. We have found that as soon as there is a sense of threat or accusation in one way or another, things go awry. (Luckily we aren't stubbornly holding onto matters of principle, which can be an efficient way of killing a relationship). I tend to make undue assumptions about the way men "always do things" because of bad past experience and he gets very upset when he feels accused of things he haven't done and isn't about to do. I am also the one moving to a different country and so I am quite overwhelmed by the prospect of fitting in and accepting all that is his. So far, we've mostly lived on my territory with my things. I can easily feel threatened as I have visions of how I want to lead my life, decorate my home, and so on. It's easy in these instances to forget about all the things we actually agree on and focus more on the differencies - especially if one doesn't quite understand what drives and motivateds the other. On the other hand, by testing these things and communicating them we are learning. I should also add, that I realized I have to stand up for myself more in order not to be treated in sexist ways by a society that easily sees the man as the leader - in our relationship, we are equal artistically speaking as well and I noticed that people didn't quite grasp the idea that we might be able to work as a team.

"I don't deny that my way of expressing myself can be perceived as strong by some people, but I am by no means a bully. I am not trying to get the upper hand, only have equal rights with everyone else. I am tender and giving but won't waste my efforts on anyone who only wants to reinforce their ego. I can't afford wasting my precious energy, as I don't have that much of it (at least for the time being). The fact that men have complained about the strong will of mine tells me that they have not been very strongwilled individuals themselves"

Well, I see myself as a bit of a paradox, as I have strong tendencies of nurturing but also refuse to be treated with disrespect or made into a doormat. I get very upset when I don't feel understood. But of course, to a great extent this has occurred in my life because not very many people have been able to relate to me on a deeper level. It takes a very intuitive and empathic man with a whole other set of values that aren't quite the norm to grasp what I'm about. It seems that I am indeed appreciated for the reasons I want to be appreciated, and that is for all the reasons by which I am different from most other people. I also need to add though, that my partner has no hang ups whatsoever about social roles and is also able to see my feminine essence rather than the way I represent womanhood within the framework of society. This applies to how I feel about my partner as well.The latter is a sense of the complementary qualities of yin and yang that is our basic working theory.

"One thing that I've noticed in my own life is that men want to be in charge of how a relationship develops. It starts with them deciding when to write or call, how to meet, and where to develop the contact. This to me is extremely stressful because for one thing I find it unacceptable and unfair, and on the other hand it wears on my over-stressed nervous system. I easily break down like I did the other day if I have to put up with a state of not knowing what the deal is"

I have found, that I actually want a man to be in charge a lot of the time but only if he truly respects me. Only now do I feel respected and also valued for the things that I am able to do, and so I have trust. I also have trust because I feel that my partner executes projects more or less the way I would too, and so there is seldom any conflict of interests. This helps me mellow out and allow him to take care of many things that are difficult for me. Of course, some people have to learn about compromise in some big way, but to me too many differences would detract from what I consider important. The things I know he's better at taking care of than me are especially things of a practical or physical nature, as well as technical issues. I am not physically equipped for many things. When it comes to technical problems I have realized that it comes more naturally to men to deal with those, and though women can certainly learn how to tackle them, it's often not worth all the trouble. I suppose I in return give him what he feels he needs, as this he tells me very often!

"I wish that men would realize how emotional women can sometimes be without it meaning half as much as they think. Secondly, I wish they would realize that their actions cause us to fret and ruminate for ages afterwards. Women spend an enormous amount of time trying to understand men, but when do they ever care to understand us? In other words; how can we ever reach true equality if one part of the population is not interested in investing any efforts into truly understanding the other part? This leads me to the core of my thinking, which is that rather than choosing sides and thinking in terms of either-or the way we are used to, we should really try and embrace both-and. So even though I'm a bit sad and nervous about the way men so easily dismiss me as "difficult" I still hope to give each individual the benefit of doubt. But my refusal to be submissive is probably going to cost me a lot of things that belong to a normal life on Earth"

I think it takes a bit for a man to realize that women often over-react. However, if they are willing to find a way of approaching us that doesn't appear patronizing, it can work out just fine. An intelligent man will see the meaningfulness in developing this kind of understanding and may even see it as a spiritual quest. I am lucky in that my partner is interested in how people function psychologically speaking and so there is always plenty to talk about. I always knew, that I would not be able to live with someone who didn't meet me in this area of life. I think that this form of curiousity defines a higher level of intelligence, but then I am biased, of course!

We do sometimes argue because neither of us wishes to be a doormat. We do, however, think that there are ways around it. First, we must realize that neither is ever going to be submissive and accept this as a fact. Then, it's a question of trusting the other not to be manipulative. I can see the temptation to manipulate another but am trying to catch myself every time. I also know that he's able to detect any such behaviour as a result of past experience and an analytical mind. It takes time to get to a place of true trust. This leads to the feeling of being respected and from this, more confidence and less fear of being put down in any way follows naturally. It takes effort, because you must always keep the other person in mind. You don't make important decisions without consulting with your partner. You try and remember the ways in which your partner complements your weaknesses and allow them to fill up that space for you. You treat your relationship as a kind of business relationship that extends indefinitely outwards in all the directions, in ways in which you can express love towards the other. At its best, it can encompass all of life's areas and help you evolve towards a greater sense of fulfillment as an individual as well as a couple.

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with acknowledging your partner as complementary and in some deeper way as your other half. As always, I'd like to finish with a statement about the importance of seeing paradoxes as an expression of the greater truth about reality. I believe, that we can be whole unto ourselves as well as whole within a relationship. In other words, you can be a whole and a half at the same time. If you sense any truth whatsoever in this, I challenge you to think of ways in which this is possible! I believe this is for each and every one of us to find out for themselves. I would suggest, that this is the secret of the sort of equality this world will see more of in the future.

Artwork: "Swan Play" digital photography, copyrighted by author 2010. All rights reserved.

Equality Between Men and Women is Still a Hypothesis

I met some real life people yesterday and feel a little better today. This blog connects to an earlier blog about gender issues.

I come from a country where men and women had to work side by side in a rather equal fashion in order to survive the harsh climate. At least that's how equality in our country is usually being explained. Note that Finland is among the few countries that has a female president.

I don't deny that my way of expressing myself can be perceived as strong by some people, but I am by no means a bully. I am not trying to get the upper hand, only have equal rights with everyone else. I am tender and giving but won't waste my efforts on anyone who only wants to reinforce their ego. I can't afford wasting my precious energy, as I don't have that much of it (at least for the time being). The fact that men have complained about the strong will of mine tells me that they have not been very strongwilled individuals themselves. I also wonder whether maybe I have had trouble understanding the subtle differences that seem to exist between men and women in other countries. Most Scandinavians (or rather people of the Nordic countries to be more exact) agree that there is more open or latent chauvinism with the male part of the population in other Western countries. It's a well known fact, however, that even in the North men and women are not given equal work opportunities nor always the same income. The idea that the man has to support the family is still hanging on. It also seems to me that at this point in time, men are confused and intimidated by strong women who either express themselves in independent terms or climb the career ladder with a lot of stamina. It's no news that we're living through some major reform in this sense.

The other day I was still upset about the way that my needs were being downplayed by a guy and how (in my own experience) I was rejected rather cruelly. I more or less demand from a man to be treated with equality and respect, but it seems to me that most men don't agree on the definition of "equal". I might have greater luck in my own country, but unfortunately I don't want to be in a relationship where Finnish is the main language. I'm truly a minority of a minority of a minority...

There's a whole science about "Venus and Mars" that I won't go into here since I'm not that familar with it nor am I sure that everything can be so neatly categorized. But one thing that I've noticed in my own life is that men want to be in charge of how a relationship develops. It starts with them deciding when to write or call, how to meet, and where to develop the contact. This to me is extremely stressful because for one thing I find it unacceptable and unfair, and on the other hand it wears on my over-stressed nervous system. I easily break down like I did the other day if I have to put up with a state of not knowing what the deal is. I realize that I have a big problem. I realize that no matter how much I would have to give to a guy, this little thing could wreck all my chances of ever finding anyone. I'm sorry guys, but actions speak louder than words. I simply don't trust your talk of equality anymore. Thus I am trying to come to terms with the fact that loneliness just might be my only company for the rest of my life. After all, almost half the population in Sweden are single people, I hear. I won't be here to live the times when equality is real and palpable and men have accepted to remove their blindfold.

In answer to a comment I wrote the other day, I said that I wish that men would realize how emotional women can sometimes be without it meaning half as much as they think. Secondly, I wish they would realize that their actions cause us to fret and ruminate for ages afterwards. Women spend an enormous amount of time trying to understand men, but when do they ever care to understand us? In other words; how can we ever reach true equality if one part of the population is not interested in investing any efforts into truly understanding the other part? This leads me to the core of my thinking, which is that rather than choosing sides and thinking in terms of either-or the way we are used to, we should really try and embrace both-and. So even though I'm a bit sad and nervous about the way men so easily dismiss me as "difficult" I still hope to give each individual the benefit of doubt. But my refusal to be submissive is probably going to cost me a lot of things that belong to a normal life on Earth.

P.S. Actually I was being really nice on this blog. If a man comes onto a woman and she's confused about it, he still seems to hold the right to be baffled and blame her for having allured him.

Artwork: "Emotions 6/6", handmade collage on paper by author, all rights reserved 2002

Gender Issues, Cyberlove and Truthfulness

Every intellligent man I've ever talked to has denied that there are any differences between the genders that are truly worth mentioning. The funny thing is, every intelligent woman that I have talked to has denied that there would not be some very significant differences. It seems to me, that women in general have a broader scope of vision that encompasses viewpoints connected to emotions and intuition. It seems to me, that the old adage that women are caretakers and therefore tend to be more compassionate still stands true despite some attempts at greater equality between the sexes. Equality is also a funny thing because in my country, it means that men don't open doors to women or help them out when they are struggling with their baby carriages. Some more intellectual people try and reach the true essence of equality that would allow both parties to have an equal say in matters of the heart as well as matters of day-to-day practicality. I read somewhere, that Swedish women are the happiest women in the world. They have the most freedom to do what they want and also have the man's blessing. They don't seem to mind too much that it's at the expense of the old fashioned courteous ways that make a woman feel like a woman. Subject not closed as yet, it seems. See an early blog on the issue of true equality from a spiritual point of view.

I recently became aware by talking to various people that I need to try and empty myself of a lot of indoctrination that has happened over the past years. I need to hold on more to my quest for real honesty and authenticity and not the make belief kind of truthfulness that abounds. It's not very easy because there are many counterforces that try to allure a person into a dishonest position. If people you engage yourself with are not on the same wavelength, you'll have even more trouble in this regard. This is anyway a very real and important issue for me right now. Men have tried to undermine my strength because they were weak individuals, society has attempted to squash me and force me into a category of second rate citizens (they obviously have no use for me so why bother?) and spiritual people have been very fervent in handing out advice as to how I should live my life. I have been observing and digesting and trying to figure out what all these people are about. I see very little altruism in this world. I honestly don't think altruism is in the eyes of the beholder, though beauty is, and therefore we have a saying that stresses beauty. I see a lot of inner beauty in human beings almost as if I can't help it, but reality proves to be different. I feel very strongly, that it's a case of confusion, frustration and ignorance that covers up the inner light. On the rare occasion when I see kindness, I light up as well. To be complimented for one's kindness is a beautiful thing and something I am always very grateful to hear. But when is it only a compliment meant to allure you to feel more for the other person? In the real world, you may be able to tell quite easily. In the cyber world, this may be far more difficult. People are not who you might think they are, though that granted you can indeed in my opinion use discernment and see some portions of the truth. Virtual contacts is a great way of exercising discernment.

So how does kindness relate to equality and gender issues? Well, it seems to me that it's very difficult to be friends with a man. In the past, it has worked well for me because there has been this unspoken agreement that nothing else is going on or ever will. I have been fairly sure of what I've wanted and I've also been able to read the men sufficiently to know what they want. Usually, they express romantic interest very quickly or then not at all. In my more adult years I have met only one guy who came onto me after we'd known each other for quite some time. But I did suspect him of fancying me all the same.

In recent years, I've had to rely on internet contacts in order to have a social life. I have believed in various compliments regarding my talents or kindness. It hasn't always occurred to me that there might have been an ulterior motif such as getting me to be supportive of them. Women beware! If they claim to be terribly interested in who you are, please practice caution. Unfortunately, most of my experiences with men who were interested in me were pretty bad. A couple of Asians wanted to come and meet me almost without any preliminary contact at all. A German guy who was very much into some spiritual guru was prepared to cheat on his wife and "keep" a woman in Helsinki that he visited quite often. Well, that's what I figured out later since his first explanation was simply that the marriage wasn't going well at all. He wasn't quite sure about me though, so he grilled me for a couple of months and wouldn't agree to meet me. I was curious and since we got on well I somehow felt interested to meet. The waiting was very stressful on me though. We met once, I gave him all sorts of viewpoints I think he needed to hear, and he told me that it would be hard to live with me because I "notice everything". He was nice enough but had I had the experiences I have had now I would have bid him adieu in a week's time within knowing him. My choices are sometimes a bit odd, I do admit that. Whenever I feel a connection with someone, I am prepared to make a lot of efforts in order to get to know them. Now the succession of experiences that followed included an Italian who called whenever it suited him (he was obviously not interested and that caused some negative reactions in me), some really perverted suggestions, and the return of my ex that involved a 24/7 waiting period to hear from him in one way or another. He was in Helsinki while I had already moved away to a town 2 hours away. After that was over I waited for an American guy to show up here in Finland but he chickened out. Soon after another American came onto me online and made all sorts of promises that I only later found out that he wasn't able to keep. I was waiting for his phone calls every day. Eventually I had to go to America myself in order to meet him. Well, it was yet another disaster lasting three months, after which I was still waiting for his calls for a number of months and then for my things that he is not able to deliver. And all this is only for starters; there's more but I will refrain from boring the reader. I do also have a condition that causes very low stress tolerance but along with all this constant waiting on men, their visits, calls and decisions, wore me out completely. I obviously had to stop being so desperate, haha. But anyway, you get the picture? For some odd karmic reason, I've had to WAIT a lot. For men. I guess they do need to retreat into their cave every so often, though that's really a best case scenario.

Now, with all the virtual messaging going on I do feel somewhat desperate to talk to and actually get to meet the people I am talking to as fast as possible. This is obviously difficult if the geographical distance is great. Yet one can always hope, and maybe even plan it. This is especially true in the case of the opposite sex. Now why would this be?

I think it's quasi impossible to engage in an interesting conversation with someone of the opposite sex without considering the element of romance. However, since I'm rather realistically minded in this sense and have never felt love in cyber space, I find it very hard to understand how troubling this is to other people. A recent incident left me completely upside down when my vision of a truly honest and interesting quest for authenticity was interpreted as a desire for romance. Let me say this about myself and many other women; we do want to feel appreciated as women and it can be a great starting point for friendship that can eventually lead to something more. However, if we feel appreciated only for our brains (or I do anyway) then it's kind of a turn off. Most of the time. It's not that I am aiming at a romantic outcome. I just don't want to be treated by a man like a person without a gender. On the other hand, I also don't want to be accused of looking for romance just because I'm expressing interest in a man's intellect and personality. Oh, I know this is confusing and I've been struggling this weekend to make sense of it all. It's all the more difficult because of the elusive concept of equality. What exactly does it mean? Nobody knows but those who are intelligent feel it's important. I think that if it's very clear from the start that the connection is only based on friendship and will not go further, then there is no problem. This is very difficult to establish in the virtual world, however. It is just way too easy to fantasize, or to misunderstand and twist another's efforts to be genuine and open. It's even more confusing when the genuinity and openness, as well as kindness, is being encouraged, but there are no signs that there could ever be a meeting in real life. I mean, if someone is at least a little interested, they would agree that meeting would be a goal to work towards, right? Surely it's only normal that one would express some frustration if this is not possible very fast. So how do you deal with such ambiguities?

Because of a great confusion on this level in regards to an internet contact I had a forceful emotional break down that brought up all the bad experiences I've had in the past few years, as well as my fear of rejection that popped up all of a sudden. My gutfeeling was telling me that I was in yet another situation of waiting. The messages were not clear regarding the expectations on the relationship in question and I felt that I had to play by someone else's rules, though later on when it was already "too late" I learned that I had had some kind of expecatations (I'm aware of only one, which was to be heard and understood just like he did!). I am simplifying the situation so as to stick the issue that my blog is about. I have to say though, that as a result of my strong reaction, suddenly it seemed that neither my kindness nor my feelings were that imporant to the other person anymore. A female friend suggested to me this is to be expected. When men run into trouble, they avoid it. They don't even want to consider the possibility that they may be losing an extraordinary person, a "one timer". They tend to think in terms of the here and now and what makes them uncomfortable is what needs to be eliminated. I'm sorry if this sounds terribly stereotypical and men are welcome to disagree, but this assumption is based on years of experience and talk with other women. In this case my emotional break down was apparently reason enough to cause division. No matter how much I tried to explain the reasons and how they had little to do with the person in question, there was little receptivity as if the knight's shield was up to prevent any arrows from hitting the wrong place. I do wish that men would realize that women usually are much more emotional and not be so scared of it. We really can't help at times that we don't have a choice in controlling our feelings.

Meanwhile, as I'm waiting for some kind of response that may or may not come, I'm really cooling off. Whereas some things obviously turn guys off, some things turn women off. Somewhere deep down the knowledge that someone wasn't all that interested in talking on the phone and meeting up, hurts the woman in me. It seems to me, that I was asking for answers when I shouldn't have, because the other person needed space. Personally I have trouble dealing with feelings that are left hanging in the air and in fact don't tolerate that in a relationship. This is maybe part of my personal shadow but if I'm willing to talk to about it, then one would hope the other person who acted as a trigger would be willing to help work it out or just be supportive. In my case this didn't happen and I never got any other answer than "it was too much". Suddenly my openness becomes a toxic need for attention. I learn in retrospect that I have expected too much - well... I think that's very relative from person to person. I'm not perfect, yet I do need to try and understand... how do you when you don't get a straight answer? Seems to me all this person wanted was help on his own path, since my kindness was welcome to the extent that it supported this person's understanding of himself. And that's from someone who hated narcissism (which could very well be a sign that he in fact has a shadow side that is narcissistic). Sure I may have misinterpreted... I was also reprimanded because I try and analyze this person. I'm trying to understand this guy but am not getting response, so why should I not try and analyze? There's this thing called a woman's intuition, too... Warning signs come up when you hear word's such as control and reticience plus a bunch of excuses why things have to be a certain way and they have to think about proceeding or not rather than wondering what we can do. Honestly? I think this kind of behaviour is selfish and rude, even though they may be coming out of a person's denied shadow side. Remark that though I was very upset I didn't yell or demean this person. Men alway say yeah yeah they do want to grow - but how often have I actually seen it happen unless it was completely on their terms and thus just a repetition of what they've already decided about themselves?

Considering how much effort I've put into so many bad relationships, courtships, contacts and dates, it's no wonder that the lack of that little extra can make the whole thing fall apart. It seems to me that men and women feel differently about the romantic aspect of a relationship or the expectations that could lead to one in the end, but we sure both need encouragment of some kind to keep going. I can't really explain why this is - maybe there are exceptions but I truly wonder?

One thing I've gained during my emotional break down, however, was the insight that I will continue pursuing uncompromising honesty, absolute truthfulness and authenticity no matter what people say or do to discourage me. And I mean that society supports shallowness, but also that some people discourage you indirectly by simply misunderstanding you and not agreeing to explore these issues on a really deep level. I had a vision of what it could be between two people and how much one could grow from an interaction based in honesty (the kind kind, of course) and true equality, but it didn't materialize. Perhaps it was all my fault - who is to say? I will try and contemplate my strategies, of course. Avoid men who right away think that I am in love with them, and stuff like that... (haha). All I can do is hope that I will find new people who understand and don't shy away because the going gets a little rough. What I do hate are people who promise to be there for you when times are difficult, yet take off as soon as it doesn't suit them. Maybe I'm too hard on people who feel uncomfortable about some issue of mine, but frankly, I've never even heard anyone say that before. People like to project outwards what they have already established about themselves, but when something interferes with their self-image, they run. Intelligent men like to talk about equality, but where is it when truly needed? I see men usually wanting the upper hand. What is true compassion really about anyway?

Artwork: "Bus Door", digital photograph by author, all rights reserved, 2009

Questioning Automatic Beliefs

It's good to determine the semantic distinctions between words or expressions such as "judging" and "being judgmental", "having opinions" and "being opiniated", and a host of other subtle nuances. First, we need to establish whether we are talking about the same thing. I am bringing this up so as to highlight the theme of this blog. This is the fact that we take many words and expressions for granted instead of questioning them and making sure that we know exactly what we are talking about, and that we are all implying the same thing when we are talking about matters that matter... Again and again, I encounter this problem online.

One thing in particular I'd like for people to question is why exactly everybody should be treated equally? People assume it's that way, because they have been taught it's the moral way to be. However it's seldom being put into practice in the world as we know it today. It seems to me, that this belief or assumption requires a really deeper resonance in people before things can really start to change and the world become a better place for everybody. In fact automatic beliefsystems are in the way of more creative and heartfelt insights regarding the deeper truths in life.

If we feel a need to judge others, which sometimes is hard to avoid, maybe we could at least try to keep it as objective as possible and avoid going into the judging process so wholeheartedly. A judging statement is just another opinion of our mind and a product of dualist thinking (one thing is inferior to another). If only we could challenge each other gently, not so harshly that all the automatic defense-mechanisms get started. There is no point in being mean. But being passive is not a form of love either!Seeing personality (or individuality, which is perhaps a step further in the evolutionary hierarchy) as a form of beauty is helpful to me. Even though many of us believe that we are all one at a deeper level, it is not exactly what is being expressed on this level of reality. What we see here on Earth is usually the differentiation rather than the underlying Oneness, in other words the fact that each soul has developed its own individuality and has a sense of self that is completely unique. Surely this development is one of the points of evolution? The One divides into fragments that all have a personal point of view... Thus we are One but Many at the same time.

My motto has been to get away from a thinking in terms of "either-or" and instead embrace the profound and mysterious paradox of "both-and". As the Buddhist philospher Nagarjuna pointed out, even that is not an expression of the ultimate truth as he saw it, and I believe that too. But it's a step forward, an exercise for the mind. Can we perceive each other as both one with us and separate individuals?I don't think there's anything wrong with opinions, they make the world go around. But ultimately, it's maybe a question of challenging one's automatic beliefs and figuring out ways of opening the heart a bit more? Many times I have thought; "what's the bloody use"? But throughout my life I've trusted that the meaningfulness of it all will show spontaneously if I manage to open up my channels even more.

Artwork: "Why?", collage on paper by author, copyright 2008