Save Yourself!

One rather predominant experience in my personal life this year has been that of opening up to various people only to get shunned and rejected. I've tried to carry this phenomenon graciously and see what it has to teach me. Oh, I'm not going to claim that my heart is not bleeding, but one has to get on with life and keep the flame of hope alive. One thing I discovered was that despite my independent allure and desire to be free from the dependency of other people, a part of me was secretely wishing that someone would "save" me just a little. That's because, on the one hand I miss company and on the other, I am at the end of my rope concerning a lot of my life's issues. I am cornered in many ways and need to break free, but have not found a door as yet.

This is just a quick outline of some fundamental spiritual issues, but I hope it still makes some sense. The idea of needing to be saved is very potent in our world. If you take a look at Christianity, one of the main dogmas is the idea that Christ is your saviour. As I see it, it's just a big misunderstanding supported by religious authorities who wished to gain more power over lay people. If one were to understand Christ's talk about being the way towards liberation in a more symbolic way, the dualistic concept of Christ and God being somehow separated from the rest of humanity might disappear. Our reality appears dualistic, and our minds are programmed to think in terms of contrasts and comparisons in order to make sense of it. However, it's not impossible to transcend this habit and start to embrace contradictions. If you practice by sometimes not choosing camps but looking at things from opposite perspectives as well, you will probably find that they are also true. If truth is fundamentally speaking relative, then the idea of a basic (ontological) state of ONENESS also looks more plausible. My point is, Christ is not going to save you, but you will save yourself through your own "Christ consciousness", the aspect of yourself that is in touch with the things that Christ represented. I'm sorry if anyone finds this blasphemeous, but this is how I and many others see it.

Notice how the movie industry dwells on the concept of people saving each other. The most obvious scenario is the one in which people are in a tough spot but are then being saved by someone who enters their life, offering love and sometimes also material comfort. I recently saw "Nights in Rodante" with Diane Lane and Richard Gere, and at the end Diane even says that the two of them saved each other through their love. All this looks great on the outside, but consider the fact that by allowing someone to save you you're giving away your power! In fact, you put yourself at the mercy of other people when you entertain this sort of fantasy!

I personally don't have a problem with the understanding of paradoxes as a key to a broader and deeper understanding of reality, but I also realize that in a paradoxical sort of way you can't just eliminate the mind's functions. For instance, being judgmental ("this is good, that is bad") is a way of making sense of reality and creating interesting and fruitful thoughts. Thoughts can be dull and automatic, or they can be creative. The creative ones bring us further on our path and help us develop as human beings. Either way, these processes are always based in judgment. You might also notice, that if you start judging your judgmental thoughts, they will only become more persistant. So in the end all we can do is find an accepting and maybe even loving attitude towards this state of affairs. It's true that the solution to our fundamental problems of the mind may not be found through the mind itself, however creative thinking is a fantastic tool on the road to self-discovery, discernment and a deep sense of self-satisfaction!

In my own process, I'm trying to lay out all the ways in which I've felt rejected in my life. It turns out to be quite a persistant pattern that even includes the feeling of being rejected by this country (I'm a social reject). Going back a couple of generations in order to see what pattern has been inherited from the past, it's clear that my mother was never granted a feeling of being welcomed to the world and given all the love and material comforts that she deserved. The important thing here is that she was at the mercy of other people who did not grant her the things that they should and could have given her so that she would have grown up to be a strong and succesful individual. I remember having very distinct feelings of anger at being at my mother's mercy when I was a child. From that time onward the pattern has perpetuated itself. I'm always at the mercy of someone else's benevolence. This is a truly chilling discovery!

Because the feeling of being dependent on others is so forceful, it's natural that it turns into a secret wish to be saved in some way or another. This is the fallacy that I wish people would wake up to. I'm not sure how to fix this state of affairs, but taking back one's power seems crucial. It can be a very difficult and complex process if you're entangled in various constellations that tie you down and prevent you from just getting up and leaving. But as always, there has to be a way!

I realize my challenge is a very deep and crucial one and I have reason to believe that I will eventually figure it out. Profound issues don't necessarily disappear in the blink of an eye; they often take time to be resolved. That is, it seems like a long time from our perspective, but in relation to the rest of existance (from a higher perspective, so to speak) it's not a long time at all.
Meanwhile, there's a great deal of emotional turmoil inside. Many feelings I've made great efforts to transmute and have felt partly succesful in doing so. Because I have had to learn about emotions very late in life, it's been all the more intense. Though at times I can see that things have advanced, all the experiences of being rejected and feeling suppressed by people I involuntarily have to depend on have caused a great deal of anxiety. I'm afraid I might be getting asthma because I can't breathe properly. I also have increasing problems eating and my stomach is quite upset. I hope and believe all this will go away eventually but I truly don't see a way of speeding up the process (the sensations are very compelling). I have only so much capacity to deal with things.

Another aspect of the rejection theme is that we may not be on the same level of spiritual maturity as people that we approach or that initially feel attracted to us. I do realize, that those who have not been willing to join me in my life right now were not of the same frequency as myself and might never have been able to "catch up". Of course, I approached them because I liked them and felt something for them (I opened my heart at least partly), but despite their good hearts there were major discrepancies on the level of spiritual and psychological insight. I'm not saying they may not have been more accomplished than myself as well, but my experience has been that of trying to lower my expectations of others. My complexity, depth and ability to use my own brain has then scared people away. I also have had trouble feeling trust so maybe I don't appear so accessible. I no longer want to settle for half-hearted relationships that don't feel satisfying, and so the signals I'm sending out might be daunting. I keep wishing that they'd give me a chance, while I'm not sure I am able to give them a chance (in other words, a catch 22 that shows how futile looking for love on the outside really is)!

The sense of not being able to occupy the same space as others has increased. At the same time I'm not quite ready yet to sit there on my own with a sense of "deep self-satisfaction" and send out unconditional love to everyone. In any case, other people's example may not be mine at all. I read Karen Bishop's latest newsletter (granted, I have trouble reading as I need new glasses and that has posed some more challenges in my life right now). I was quite baffled at what she says - according to her, the cream of the spiritual "elite" will ascend inspite of the fact that other human beings have not been able to raise their energy levels as expected (I could have told her it might be impossible, haha...). She's the only channeller or spiritual counsellor that has aroused some of my curiousity, so I've followed her postings about the global mindshift. However, I wonder who she's really writing for, because surely the people who are way evolved and ready to "ascend" don't really need her information? So... people on "the lower rungs" are obivously not reading her stuff and that leaves us with people in the middle. Those who are feeling jitterish and anxious right now just like myself. But are they eligable for the "new space" she's talking about? I feel like I'm really dangling somewhere inbetween, very willing indeed to move forward but not sure I'm supposed to be among the cream at the top (my soul may have other plans for me, so to speak). I feel reasonably patient with my own process and don't have an agenda in mind. Still... not knowing what to expect is quite nerve wrecking. Not knowing what to believe when you read such data is bad as well!

The point is, however, to remove oneself from the sphere of other people's power and authority. Even some innocent looking spiritual writings can be very compelling and cause more insecurity about who one is or is supposed to be. If you read things such as the newsletter I mentioned then you may be giving your power away. Well, even reading this may give your power away. But then I'm really hoping to inspire people to think for themselves. There is no need to believe everything I say! I may be saying that only you can save yourself, but it's really only my opinion.

Artwork: "Who will get the Rose?", handmade collage by author, all rights reserved 2008

Look Beyond Dualism

Ok, so where was I again... my previous blog was about conflicting choices. I mean, come on, who seriously wants a knife on the throat and an ominous voice interrogating you about your deeper desires: "Do you wish to live in a modern apartment in a downtown area or in a big manor house in the countryside?!" Eeeek! Heck do I know! I want both... and besides, it all depends, you know... like contemporary modern in a brand new house, modern minimalist, modern taken from "Living Etc" design magazine, or just an old apartment but nicely updated with smart solutions and sleek furbishing? And is the manor house perfectly renovated or falling apart... does it have grounds to go with it... is it in Lapland or in Sussex... Anyway, I don't want to answer that kind of question!

People seriously believe that you have to choose between two things. Otherwise they wouldn't create tests like that that accompany such big, money making sites. And life certainly does often present us with difficult choices. Should I leave him or should I stay? Should I write my book or should I avoid it for yet another day? Should I brush my cat and make him hate me or should I just leave him as he is and have all his love for me instead? And so on... you know how it is. Decisions... hard to think at times. Especially when you haven't slept well and you have no one to ask for help.

Yes, we do live in a dualist world. There are extremes and we tend to move back and forth like pendulums. Sometimes we stick to an extreme for ages. But just like the yin/yang symbol, the extreme will eventually change shape. No one knows when or where. But it will happen. Because this, as far as I understand it, is the basic nature of change. And without change there is no evolution. When thesis meets anti-thesis, we get synthesis. Check out the philospher Hegel for more in-depth views on this concept.

I just did another test online. This one was about how to train yourself to see auras. The idea of the most important exercise was to have two figures become one. To me, this actually exemplifies an attitude to life that can be developed and mastered. How can we start to understand reality as being One? In some way, it seems as tricky and incomprehensible as seeing auras if you don't have a natural knack for it. There are excellent books to study, for instance those that promote integral philosphy. In the hope of highlighting this topic a little I will quote some of my own musings. For more, see my early blogs. When I have time, I will also look for other material that I haven't posted yet.

***
"If you don't understand the idea of paradoxes as the basic nature of reality, then you don't know the abc of life. Any talk of oneness is useless if this is the case. Try and think in terms of "both-and" rather than "either-or", and see what happens!"
***
"The point about the paradox as a rule of thumb in one's life: moderation is simply the way in which we can gain the balance between extreme ways and attitudes. When you're able to see the truth of two opposites and inhabit the space between them, you are getting somewhere! Compare this with the Hegelian idea of thesis contra anti-thesis and the birth of the third conjoint force, the antithesis. This would be applicable to any level of life."

***

"The Taoists spoke of that which you cannot name, for as soon as you do, you are no longer speaking of 'it'. Ah, I love their sense of paradoxes! That to me is where we get closer to the real essence of 'this thing called God' (said with a smile). To me, talk about God promptly sucks me right into the issue of dualism, where opposites reign. Ok, so we live in a dualist world where contrasts provide experience (it's hard to appreciate good if you do not know of evil etc.). To me the Almighty is "above" these constellations. Note, however, that even the word "above" creates a dualist constellation but what can you do?! Language is this way! In fact I'd rather refer to "it" as 'Spirit', 'the Source' or 'the One'. 'The Universe' is okay too in some instances when you want to stress the interaction between the parts of the space we inhabit and bring God into it all. I guess humans need to talk in terms of God being this or that but my hunch is, we're all a bit off course because we're using words invented by humans. All in all I think that the word God carries too many heavy connotations no matter what the intention behind using it is."

***
"People who live with a fundamentally dualistic worldview simply cannot concieve of a world where paradoxes are closer to the truth than an either-or constellation. It's terrible how facts can be twisted so easily, well; that's why religion is such a terribly controversial subject of course. That makes me more pessimistic than the idea of Lucifer and his gang... If only people could see that everything we do and project and attract stems from our own minds, but how do you teach people like this that sort of thing? Not that there's a lack of information, only a lack of willingness to broaden the perspective and get out of the box of conventions."

***

"I know this sounds confusing but I'll give it a shot: The whole concept of saving or rescuing others or the world implies dualist thinking and especially a case of hierarchy. Somebody or something has to be higher on a ladder of sorts in order to "save" someone or something. Contrary to many, I don't think it's up to us to save anything at all since that would give us a lot of power within the framework of dualism. I think our small selves are less in charge of anything than we think. I think that only that which is in touch with Oneness can "save" anything, though it wouldn't really be 'saving' at all. It would just BECOME. I think that when we're in touch with Oneness our small selves are no longer ruling. We can then speak of our 'higher selves' being in charge. This is why it's tricky when people talk of being guided to say things to others. There is no way of being really sure that the source of information truly is from a higher aspect of ourselves or from somewhere else. Making assumptions about others is simply not respectful, and it can never be spiritual to want to make yourself appear higher on a ladder than someone else. It seems to me that only very few beings are enlightened enough to see the totality of what a person is all about."

Artwork: "The Veil", digital photograph by author, all rights reserved 2008

What God is All About

I noticed my mind has been wandering in circles a bit because I haven't had the energy to participate in any discussions and I don't read books anymore. So in order to broaden my scope a little I made an effort to put my mind into a couple of issues presented on group discussions (note, ones devoid of any very personal feelings and experiences!). Here is something I said regarding the fact that many still today like to talk in terms of God when they address a higher power, and that this God has attributes such as kindness and love. As those who have read my previous blogs know, I don't think like this and I only confess to using the term when exclaiming "OMG" or pleaing, "Please God help me...". Anyway, this is what I said in answer to the fact that maybe God is beyond attributes made up of the limited human mind with its even more limited repertoir of expressions:

"I was not raised a Christian though I belong to the Lutheran Church (I simply have no greater reason for leaving though I think I would if I had to pay taxes :-/), and so I do not have "God" in my semantic repertoir the way many others have. I've been in touch with Americans a lot and many like to talk in terms of God even when they mean an intangible entity. The Taoists spoke of that which you cannot name, for as soon as you do, you are no longer speaking of "it". Ah, I love their sense of paradoxes! That to me is where we get closer to the real essence of "this thing called God" (said with a smile). To me, talk about God promptly brings me into the issue of dualism, where opposites reign. Ok, we live in a dualist world where contrasts provide experience (it's hard to appreciate good if you do not know of evil etc.). To me the Almighty is "above" these constellations (note that even the word "above" creates a dualist constellation but what can you do?!). In fact I'd rather refer to "it" as "the Source" or "the One". "The Universe" is okay too in some instances when you want to stress the interaction between the parts of the space we inhabit and bring God into it all. I guess humans need to talk in terms of God being this or that but my hunch is, we're all a bit off course because we're using words invented by humans. Well, all in all I think that the word God carries too many heavy connotations no matter what the intention behind using it is.

Well... maybe /the idea that God can be unlimited and limited at the same time/ is a mystery only if you want it to be. If you study old Asian thinking (esp. the philosopher Nagarjuna), you stumble upon the idea of paradoxes as fundamental to the ontological ("beingness") status of reality. They are not the ultimate truth but lead you in a direction traditional Western thinking is not used to going. In my mind, it's only the mind that's so stuck in thinking in dualist terms. It finds it very hard to imagine anything as being both-and. But try it, practice, and maybe it gets easier... I see this as being the future of human kind. That way we might start reconciliating many issues that now seem impossible to reconciliate... It seems fairly obvious to me by know who studied the issue thoroughly enough but I understand that for many it's really mindblowing! And it probably is a mystery."

*****

Today I received the newsletter from a spiritual site that I quite like despite the fact that God is a frequently used denomination. I presume that's because it's mostly American. I thought this quote might bring some hope of a spiritual nature to those who feel the heaviness that is lingering above us all like a dark blanket. Some challenges are for a good reason. This is from Julie Redstone at www.worldblessings.net. She suggests that strength of heart is particularly important at this time of challenges:

"Some souls are carrying the belief that surrendering to God's will produces harmony and perfection, and when they give their lives over to the divine are shocked when unanticipated challenges manifest in their life. These brave and devoted souls are expecting more immediate rewards, and may be unprepared for the process of purification and for the lessons of non-attachment that come their way. Yes, harmony and peace are the results of a life devoted to God's purpose; however the day to day outcome manifests and flows in its own timing and in God's timing which has its own divine wisdom and purpose that often the embodied soul cannot see. A willingness to rest in the unknown, and to continually return to God's heart despite whatever events, emotions or challenges may come, will provide a steady, sure anchor during times of changes."

Artwork: "Evolution", digital photograph by author, all rights reserved 2008

Reality Is Real And How To Survive Life

I spent several years at the University of Helsinki in the 90s learning about the basic nature of reality being an illusion, but at the end of the day I learned nothing whatsoever of any use. Life was still the same. I was hoping I could arrive at some feeling of interconnectedness with all that is, and feel oneness. But it simply wasn't time. I've always liked the old zen story that goes something like this: "First you see a tree as a tree. Then comes a time, when the tree is no longer a tree. However, at the end of your explorations into the nature of the tree, the tree is again just a tree".

I guess I'm at the point where the tree is really a tree and nothing else. In my view, it doesn't really matter for us whether reality is an illusion or not. It's useful to us to know that it's malleable and that we can affect the order of things through the focus of our mind, but our reality is still our reality. At a certain point in our development we have only certain choices available to us, because we have specific set of tools at the time and not the more expansive knowledge required to make a more informed and wiser choice. This also applies to our perception of reality, which can only change when we are ready for it. So while in some sense we have free will, it's doubtful whether we can really apply it all that often other than regarding little matters such as having soup or salad for dinner. Many people speak of options that will secure a happier life for us. Yet those options can only come to play when we have full understanding of it and have transcended the karmic bonds that tie us down.

Could karma really be abolished in a dualist reality? Dualism implies, of course, that there are polarities and that one event will cause another. What it is, is simply the law of cause and effect. There may be alternatives available to those who have transcended the attachments of this world (quite the feat to arrive at that!) or to some beings who are here only to assist humankind in growing into more responsible and loving beings. I used to take karma very seriously and try and make sure that I paid off everything that might be brewing in my subconscious mind. I have changed perspective a little but am still very respectful of the consequences of my actions. One source has suggested that I am one of those who don't have to worry about karma because my initial intention in coming here was infused with compassion. I can relate to this idea since I've always felt this must be my last life and I have also felt that this life is not about creating a safe haven on Earth for myself even though I'd like to feel more secure. I have definitely been scared of this place, and the traps that abound. I had fear that I would get caught up in some karmic drama that would tie me to this reality for many lifetimes. For many years I also resonated very strongly with the ideal of the Bodhisattva, the Buddha of Compassion. Ironically, my life was so complicated that I also felt it was a burden - a duty. One of my artworks features a woman lying flat on her stomach in her bed with a whole bunch of Bodhisattvas stacked on her back.

Enormous changes are pervading our world and there is definitely a transition going on that involves very high frequencies of energy. As we are not used to this and are having to adapt, many of us feel very much out of focus and may display a whole array of mental and physcial symptoms. From where I stand, this really is no joke. For those who want to know more about the ascension and light working, please refer to the links at the bottom of this page. As for myself, I have noticed that my states of mind tend to fluctuate in accordance with the so-called energy alerts. The infiltration of energy is of course tied in with the universe, and it is also fluctuating in different ways depending on cosmic constellations and other factors. The way people react is of course individual. Many experience that their subconscious traumas are all surging to the surface in an intense and rapid fashion. For instance yesterday, I was feeling pretty okay until a close person did something that I interpreted as some form of callous and selfish act. "Why do you always think the worst of me?", he has often had the reason to ask me. Yes, why indeed? Why am I so suspiscious of him and why does he have to recieve this kind of energy from another person? You see, we are both in it, we are a constellation that makes sense only as such. Yet we both should look into our own history to see what is causing this repeated pattern. What made this incident different from others though was the scope of my reaction. I wasn't able to call him at all during the whole day, so I wrote rather nasty e-mails that were supposed to ensure that he would not take advantage of me in any way. Needless to say, my nigth's sleep was truly bad and the next day I felt that I have no right to walk the face of this earth. But... maybe the worse it feels the greater the change?

What caused my reaction to be blown out of proportion like that? Well, my guess is that there is something in the air... But I also sensed that all my disappointments with people who I feel have let me down in the past surged up like an activated volcano. Isn't it funny how one moment you think everything is fine and then the next you're crawling and whining on the floors of hell? I know now that this is not just about a pathology (meaning the symptoms of traumas of the past). It is that, but it is also about other things. For the life of me I can't concieve of the importance of trying to prevent these things from happening by resorting to medication - unless you're really chronically depressed in the clinical sense or have a mental illness. Of course it takes a good doctor's intuition to determine which it is, but since we know or suspect that our own purification is now intensified, we might like to think twice about the happy pill.

Life is, for one thing, not about being happy all the time. I know that many disagree; there is in some western cultures a tendency to want to have partytime with cream layer cake every day. There is also a frightening tendency in children today of wanting everything right now instead of learning the noble art of waiting. I can imagine it would be hard to be a parent these days! When I see how stuck many of my friends are because of having children at a time in their life when a certain fatigue is already kicking in, I do not envy them. Children can be a blessing, no doubt. But they can also be a distraction and a heavy challenge. Many artists like myself have also concluded that the need to fulfill themselves through parenthood is not really there.

Anyway, I was talking about happiness. Does it really exist, I sometimes wonder? I think a life could harbour more of those fleeting moments of happiness or contentedness if your life's beginning was a happy one and your life's lessons were not all that deep. But let's face it - some strong souls have chosen to either take care of their karma shit or to learn something valuable and deep about this reality. It seems that the latter may be the case with me though I used to think it was the former. Fact remains - I feel screwed up right now. I can assure you that I've been pretty distressed a lot of my life and can't really recall many moments during which I actually felt happiness. But mixed up and confused about my direction - nooooo... not really. Now it's as if my neat pack of cards had been shoved by the devil himself! The curious thing is that during the intensified process that began at Easter, I have also enjoyed many surprising things in a deeper and more meaningful way than before. After my tough months in the USA last winter I allowed myself a little more care about my personal well-being and this opened the doors to more of life's little luxuries.

At the moment I don't have money, and you really need to have some in order to do things that make your boring day-to-day life a little more appealing. I really cannot make any money at the moment, as I am not allowed to from the point of view of the law. Anyway, I am not talking cream layer cake every day. But I've decided that I deserve more opulence than before, and so at the risk of building up debts that I won't be able to pay I am allowing myself some cheap roses every once in a while, a yummy cheese cake, a cd that I buy on the internet, pretty tea cups from the English antiques store in town, some cool new clothes from the postorder catalogues, soap that smells heavenly, candles lit in the evening, incense burning, a good film to watch in my rather appealing red sofa with all its cushions... Ok, so if abundance is available to all, certainly I can start here as well as anywhere? It's risky though. How do you avoid being foolish and ending up with bills you can't pay? Well, I guess you try and focus on the fact that this is what you truly deserve and keep up some kind of motivation to 'fix' it, and then hope the opportunities arise as the universe is benevolent to those who are willing to work with it and not against it. I don't know any other way.

The things that are free are... well, there really aren't many when you live alone - and certainly not in these days of extreme capitalism that even make healing a commodity only the rich can afford. So... a walk in the forest with my cats. Perhaps a walk to my powerspot on the cliffs by the sea, which ends up brightening my spirit though it seems like a drag at the time. Using my art supplies until I run out... What I'm really doing is fighting loneliness and despair.

Someone explained the difference between emotions and feelings. Emotions being our reactions to things we don't understand, and feelings being a whisper from spirit about the state of affairs (well roughly speaking anyway). I spent a great part of my life denying my emotional life and so I haven't really known mine for more than about ten years. Perhaps it accounts for some of my rash reactions that embarrass me more than anyone else. So what exactly are my problems? Well, I'd say it's the "usual". Fear of rejection because no one cared when I was little (and by the way, I hated being a child because it disempowered me!), as well as a lack of trust in the way of other people. I get very annoyed for both of these reasons if I am being made to wait or people make promises they don't keep. This is what happened yesterday too. This brings me to the issue of hurt.

I know all about the ideas that emotions are only within us and we are the only ones responsible for them. But once again I would like to remind you that this is a polarised version of reality. This cannot be the one and single truth simply because it represents only one point of view in a constellation. Now at the other end we have the idea that all hurt is caused by external sources and so they should be condemned or obliterated. Isn't it time we learned to embrace these extremes and look at what it is we get if we join them together and follow the middle path? I don't think that denying that somone has caused us hurt is helping the world in the least. Of course they should be accountable for what they do onto others! It's ridiculous to abolish the idea of victimhood, it's as I've said before the same as claiming that Hitler was a chimera. No, these are real things. They are real in this realm. All we can do is become more informed and open up our hearts to prevent ghastly things from happening. Until then, we need to take responsibility for our own hurt emotions and examine them closely, but meanwhile, the other party might have a reason to look into the things they throw at other people. After all, it's all about constellations, right?

Artwork: "Broken Promises", handmade collage by author, all rights reserved 2008

Walks With Cats

This blog is about my relationship to my wonderful cats... and to money.

Now there is no way you can manipulate cats into loving you. That is one of the obvious reasons I love them as much as I do! They are, as all animals that have not become disturbed, so very real and honest. Though sometimes I think, "darn cat, can't you listen to my command even for once!", there is no way that you can truly hold their independent airs against them. And who can resist there wonderful displays of joy and affection? The purring and close encounters with your body are rather infectious indeed!

All of my life, cats have provided me with comfort and warmth when the human sphere hasn't, but also a flicker of hope. My cats are my mirrors in many ways. The sensuality they display is definitely a quality inherent in my own persona as well. I hope that one day I can enjoy life as much as they do.

The love of your cat is something you earn because you give of yourself and show them that they can trust you completely. Sure you can get your cats to do tricks like a dog. Maybe you've witnessed this at the Cat Circus. But who needs a cat who does tricks? Is it not already enough to follow the subtle expressions and fluctuations of their inner life and the facets of their personality? I know, they are just animals... but as such, they teach me many basic things about life that I have yet to discover in my relationship to human beings.

It's funny how some people like to be a little arrogant and say that we are just projecting our feelings on the pets, that we only want to have them because it's "easy love", and so forth. The truth the way I see it is that they make life livable, they help us get through the day when times are rough, and they DO have feelings and personality. In any case, the love you give them comes straight back to you. You know when you're in touch with your heart, because you can see it reflected in your pet. Maybe I'm even reflecting my own potential bliss when I am seeing my cat in extasy.

I suppose my three cats are fortunate because they receive plenty of attention from me throughout the day. One of them is always present, which dispels some of my solitude. A trio that was disparate in the beginning, has gradually become a unanimous whole in which each displays a completely separate form of energy. I sometimes think that they represent the Indian concepts of kapha, pitta and vata rather well... Marius (gray, long haired) is big, cute and rather lethargic, Robin (an orange tabby) is robust but intense and expressive, and Beatrice (white and black) is calculating and the fastest and fiercest little thing imaginable. The cats that I had before taught me what love feels like. These remind me of it every day. Without them, I would be a lost soul, since I would probably have much greater difficulties in keeping my heart open.

The bond I have with them is manifested in our walks in the forest. The fact that my cats follow me on their own accord surprises most people. In other words, there are no leashes. How would I put up with the solitude here in the forest where I live if it wasn't for our little walks? The cats are very excited as soon as I ask them to go "out", though usually they are the ones who beckon me to do go for a walk. What kind of human would I be if I didn't follow their regal wish? "Your wish is my command" - indeed! But what can I say - it is great fun!

Sometimes I call them to come to me, as I happen to be ahead of them. Robin comes in great leaps towards me and gives a head bonk and brushes himself against my leg. Marius tends to lag behind but trots towards me with his chubby allure. The last few meters he starts running towards me with a look of cheerful expectancy. When he reaches me he pushes my hand and looks for appraisal. Beatrice runs very fast but may run up in a tree on the way. She then rushes towards my outstretched arms... and then changes direction just a few degrees and runs past me and away... Contrary to the guys she will never do what she is being asked to do! She is indeed the primadonna of this gang, although Robin in practice is the one that is at the top of the hierarchy.

Now what I call my "theory of cats" is basically that life is at its most wonderful when there is a spontaneous and joyful give and take that involves a lot of sweet talk and affectionate cuddling. I estimate that the ratio would be about 90% love and 10% reprimands. Although I naturally respond to other animals too, cats have a special place in my life also because they remind me of the act of letting go of control and manipulation. This leads me to something I have given a lot of thought all throughout my adult life, and I always seem to arrive at the same conclusion.

At times I encounter people who tell me that I can have everything I ever wanted if I only realize the power of my mind to create and manifest my inner and outer reality. I know the principles behind this kind of thinking very well. The Secret and the teachings connected to it are by no means new and groundbreaking. I do not disagree with the ideas per se. However, I am afraid that something complex is being simplified to fit selfish pursuits of some people who cover up as spiritual beings but are instead serving the powers of materialism and spiritual stagnation.

I feel that I know quite a bit about the darker side of life. Now let's see... here is a suggestion of a way of categorizing "dark". There is the neutral darkness of the physical world, such as the dark of the night or the color black. There is a passive, emotional darkness that comes out of ignorance and is mainly just depressing and self-destructive. Then there is the active force of mental darkness, that attempts to allure and convince by using all means available. Some form of 'negative' energy has to exist in a dual world, otherwise there would be no evolution and no creation. This polar, opposing aspect doesn't have to be terribly 'negative', though. I feel that my positive insights come into being through a dialectic process that requires a negation (thesis versus antithesis equals synthesis). In the present world, this negation is often sad or evil in nature. This is part of the way evolution unfolds. Let us not be judgmental though. I feel that suffering and struggle can be part of a learning process that makes some souls into very knowledgeable and strong ones. This is not to say that it will always be this way. What I am saying is that maybe accepting it is part of a healing process towards a lighter and more joyful existence. I feel that it is absolutely necessary to face the dark... to look at and acknowledge it; even to love it, as part of the creation.

I do not think that the forces that may be trying to allure you will get a hold of you if you really believe in compassion for all living beings and our beautiful Earth. Compassion will lead to a sense of Oneness. So if someone talks of Oneness but doesn't display any signs of compassion, then maybe you shouldn't listen to them. I would also venture to claim that we do not have to choose between Oneness or dualism. In fact, the way I see it is that this is also a polarity that can be comprised in a fundamental paradox of being.

I am saying all this because I want to explain why I think it's important to deeply contemplate our relationship to many of the forces that make this world go around. Although money is not evil per se, it seems to corrupt more often than not. Money obviously serves to satisfy many worldly desires. While I do think that we need to enjoy our time on Earth, I also feel that we should examine the forces that drive us and what kind of behavior ensues when we have things such as money, power, and success. Are the means to these ends truly honorable? Do you honestly believe that you can have things of the world without giving something in return?

How about sometimes giving something else than money? Maybe we should acknowledge the existence of money but actively try not to feed the sense of separation by thinking about it all the time and fretting in attempts to control the way our lives unfold on that level. Thinking back, I have been poor a lot, but many times money has arrived when truly needed. Poverty can force a person to make decisions they would not have made otherwise, and it may all be for the better from the point of view of the soul's development. Would I really trade the wisdom I feel it has given me for a pact with the dark forces that may be using spiritual jargon to corrupt a real ascension of this level of existence? Well... I think that in this respect my conscience is clear.

Let's just make our decisions wisely! Let's practice discernment! We do not always need everything money can buy, although a lot of it certainly is nice to have. Sometimes we can also stretch what we or others already have, instead of adding to the vices of consumerism. This can be done either by willing it thoughtwise (though I admit it can be quite a demanding challenge), or by plain recycling. But... most of all, I wish that we would focus our energies towards a happy give and take in an open and uncontrolling way!

Artwork: Digital photograph of Robin checking something out on one of the walks, copyright 2008 by author

Questioning Automatic Beliefs

It's good to determine the semantic distinctions between words or expressions such as "judging" and "being judgmental", "having opinions" and "being opiniated", and a host of other subtle nuances. First, we need to establish whether we are talking about the same thing. I am bringing this up so as to highlight the theme of this blog. This is the fact that we take many words and expressions for granted instead of questioning them and making sure that we know exactly what we are talking about, and that we are all implying the same thing when we are talking about matters that matter... Again and again, I encounter this problem online.

One thing in particular I'd like for people to question is why exactly everybody should be treated equally? People assume it's that way, because they have been taught it's the moral way to be. However it's seldom being put into practice in the world as we know it today. It seems to me, that this belief or assumption requires a really deeper resonance in people before things can really start to change and the world become a better place for everybody. In fact automatic beliefsystems are in the way of more creative and heartfelt insights regarding the deeper truths in life.

If we feel a need to judge others, which sometimes is hard to avoid, maybe we could at least try to keep it as objective as possible and avoid going into the judging process so wholeheartedly. A judging statement is just another opinion of our mind and a product of dualist thinking (one thing is inferior to another). If only we could challenge each other gently, not so harshly that all the automatic defense-mechanisms get started. There is no point in being mean. But being passive is not a form of love either!Seeing personality (or individuality, which is perhaps a step further in the evolutionary hierarchy) as a form of beauty is helpful to me. Even though many of us believe that we are all one at a deeper level, it is not exactly what is being expressed on this level of reality. What we see here on Earth is usually the differentiation rather than the underlying Oneness, in other words the fact that each soul has developed its own individuality and has a sense of self that is completely unique. Surely this development is one of the points of evolution? The One divides into fragments that all have a personal point of view... Thus we are One but Many at the same time.

My motto has been to get away from a thinking in terms of "either-or" and instead embrace the profound and mysterious paradox of "both-and". As the Buddhist philospher Nagarjuna pointed out, even that is not an expression of the ultimate truth as he saw it, and I believe that too. But it's a step forward, an exercise for the mind. Can we perceive each other as both one with us and separate individuals?I don't think there's anything wrong with opinions, they make the world go around. But ultimately, it's maybe a question of challenging one's automatic beliefs and figuring out ways of opening the heart a bit more? Many times I have thought; "what's the bloody use"? But throughout my life I've trusted that the meaningfulness of it all will show spontaneously if I manage to open up my channels even more.

Artwork: "Why?", collage on paper by author, copyright 2008

FLYING WITH HEAVY WINGS, LIGHT WINGS, OR FLYING AT ALL?

This is an article that I wrote back in 1997 while I was studying transpersonal theories and mysticism at the University of Helsinki. I have a Masters degree in Comparative Religion from 1999. So while I may be thinking slightly differently of my personal reality today, I hope this will serve as a basis for those who are seeking to understand the dynamics of mystical and esoteric teachings!

ATTEMPTING A PSYCHOLOGY OF RENUNCIATION

All mystical teaching aims at the liberation of man from the fetters of the material world. A prerequisite for this, however, is renunciation; in order to achieve a permanent state of mystical union with the divine, all the desires that confine us to the pains and pleasures of the mundane sphere must be extinguished. Everything we were ever attached to, must be sacrificed for this supreme state of being. If we hold on to as much as one photograph, or even the desire to attain a state of mind devoid of desire, then we are still caught up in the wheel of Samsara.

There are, however, a number of questions in relation to this issue that might be considered. Does renunciation, for example, lead to a sense of real freedom, or does it bind us to new rules and restrictions? Is a lifestyle infused with a renouncing attitude life-denying or life-affirming? Could such a lifestyle be considered healthy or pathological? Does renunciation require great efforts of will? Is it something that everybody should be striving for? Is it something that concerns only a few dedicated individuals or could renunciation somehow be considered a natural part of human life?

It seems to me that the subject of renunciation is very much at the core of the question whether a quest for spiritual liberation is a promoter of mental health or not, and therefore I would like to dedicate this article to a few of my own points of view concerning the issue. Rather than presenting an expose of the way that renunciation has been understood and applied within religious traditions of the world, I will venture at a discourse of a more personal nature. My aim is to try and highlight some central features of renunciation such as they have presented themselves to me during my personal quest for the ontological foundations of my own being-in-the-world.

The spiritual traditions that have influenced me the most are Hinduism, Buddhism and Taoism, and these will consequently be lurking in the background of my arguments. I am also indebted to many a contemporary writer, but especially to Ken Wilber, whom I consider the greatest now living advocate of transpersonal psychology. From lack of space, I will refrain from explaining his theories in any detail, however. The interested reader is encouraged to consult his impressive production for thoroughgoing analyses of the transcendental aspects of the human psyche.

Renunciation has a negative ring to it, doesn't it? Somehow the word seems to conjure up images of emaciated ascetics with a keen predilection for using a whip - on themselves. The idea of renouncing all the attributes of living in the world seems, of course, nothing short of life-denying... And that is exactly what many an ascet has tried to do - they have actively tried to suppress the life-force of their bodies in order to gain something else. Since spirit was considered in opposition to the material world, then consequently, all corporeal sensations needed to be suppressed. The Buddha himself was attempting this approach, until finally, weak and famished after years of ascetism, he woke up to the realization that one cannot gain the realm of spirit by suppressing its counterpart. "If the string is too tight, it will break, and if it is too loose, it won't sound" were the enlightening words of a musical teacher to his pupil in a boat passing on the river next to Gautama Sakyamunis abode - so the story goes.

The golden middle way, which entails a balance between opposing forces as much on the physical level as within the psyche, was the answer to his quest. Christian faith has also a long tradition of repressing the corporeal aspect of human life, and this may well be one of the reasons why the liberation of sexuality has erupted with such chaotic and often rather destructive features. Whenever we are biased, we are actually defending our viewpoint against its opposite - whether we are conscious of this or not. This is because we can only understand life through an analytic act of comparison: The concept of "low" is incomprehensible without a comparative reference to the concept of "high". The quality of light make sense only when juxtaposed to darkness. Someone who has never experienced a lack of love, would hardly be able to grasp the meaning of hate nor truly appreciate the value of love. And so on.

Reality in itself is not dual -our perception of dichotomies is dependent on consciousness alternating its focus in a linear and dualist manner. Discursive thinking, which follows our perception of dichotomies on the physical and emotional levels, obviously helps us orientate in reality in a meaningful and constructive way, but it also makes us liable to assuming stances "for" and "against" and thus upholding a judgmental attitude and a sense of boundaries. But the question is, how real are these boundaries? And are we irrevocably confined to language for our understanding of reality? I will get back to the question of language at a later stage, but let us now have a look at the play of opposites in relation to the various levels of the human psyche. Everything goes in pairs. If I focus exclusively on being good, then the quality of badness, which is the natural companion to goodness, will be repressed and dispatched into the subconscious, where it will form part of what C.G Jung called the Shadow.

The repressed material may be just about anything that we do not acknowledge and accept as part of our reality, and may also have positive features: if we identify with certain negative and destructive attitudes, then the positive counterparts of these attitudes may form part of the Shadow. Because our psyche is forever seeking a balance of internal forces, the repressed material tends to make itself known in one way or another - this material is calling upon our attention so that our psychological growth may continue. Perhaps the most important way the Shadow appears in our conscious lives is through other people: we project our obscure aspects unto somebody else.

We mirror each other. If we find a person with ever so little of the very same psychological features that we are repressing in ourselves, then we will react to these in an instinctive and probably greatly exaggerated fashion. We may thus experience unproportionate feelings of fear, hate, admiration, infatuation, or any other human affect towards the object of our attention. All this is perfectly natural, however, because it is through these kinds of constellations that we evolve as human beings. Through projections, valuable lessons are being created, and sooner or later we will have learnt what we needed to learn in order to progress.

According to Ken Wilber and other proponents of the transpersonal theory, the consciousness of a human being is in a constant state of evolution. Through what Wilber calls the spectrum of consciousness, consciousness progresses from level to level in a hierchical order by shifting its focus and identifying with even higher modes of cognition, but always including and integrating all previous levels. According to Wilber, pathologies often do occur, and this is due to the repression of previous levels of consciousness. Humanity is presently dwelling on the level of discursive thinking, and does seem to have trouble relating to previous, more instinctual and physically orientated levels. All our shadows tend to create havoc in our personal lives as well as on a global level. A typical example is our difficulty in acknowledging that as biological entities, we are truly dependent on nature for our well-being, and that exploiting nature the way we do is a means of destroying ourselves.

Now, whenever consciousness transcends a level, it renounces its identification with this particular state of being. It has learnt what there was to learn, and will consequently move on to new modes of perceiving and processing reality. According to this model, then, the act of renunciation does not imply any particular effort of will. There has to be a certain willingness to learn and evoluate, but the actual evolutionary drive will still be functioning whether - as self-reflecting individuals - we are particularly happy about it or not. Spirit will eventually have its way... This also means that repressed material will never stay forever in the subconscious realm - sooner or later the individual will become aware of the pathology, and the blocks will clear out through a reflective process of introspection and conscious work with emotional relationships and mental attitudes.

I believe the taoists were right in claiming that the only unchangeable thing that exists, is change. It seems to me that the creative force is an endlessly pulsating rhythm through which the spirit is manifesting itself in various forms of reality. This rhythm is formed through an alternation between the opposite forces of yin and yang: of feminine and masculine, cold and warm, dark and light, passive and dynamic, inhalation and exhalation, destruction and construction... It is when we really learn to dance to this rhythm, when we really become one with the stream of ever-changing patterns of life - it is only then that we will be truly free. For in resisting change by holding on to the past or living in the tomorrow, by grasping at status and material possessions as if we could own these forever, and by just generally being afraid of losing our (false) sense of external security, we are really binding ourselves to a terrible lot of pain and sorrow. We are forever insatiate, forever seeking pleasure, but as soon as we have gained our object of desire, we start to fear its loss. And we eventually do lose it, because that is the law of change. And there will be mourning, pain and an emptiness, that we will attempt to fill up by focusing our attention on yet other objects or people that we might own.

I do personally believe that there is a purpose in all this, a profound meaning that gradually unveils itself as an individual journeys through life. I believe that Spirit is seeking adventure! It is volunteering for this school of life in order to gain experiences. And one day, after a great many rebirths and deaths, nothing could be more natural than to say thank you and goodbye, and move on to some other form of existence. Life goes on, effortlessly, beautifully -if only we allow it to.

There was a time when I thought that the mystical was something apart from the toil and moil of everyday life, that to become enlightened was to enter another dimension of great magnitude and wonder, but quite specifically other than the dimension we human beings are occupying on planet Earth. This is symptomatic of thinking in dualist terms, of course, which, as we have already seen, is the natural stance of the rational mind. Presumably I was also influenced by the fact that people used to withdraw into monasteries in order to dedicate their lives to a search for God. But then I kept coming across the idea that all is One and that microcosmos reflects macrocosmos and vice versa. I had a very strong intuition that this must indeed be the case, and I ventured at trying the consequences of such an assumption. For instance, if the world has been issued out of the One, then obviously it cannot be other than the One. By definition, there cannot be anything but the One. If there is nothing but the One, then the One can have no external boundaries and it must consequently be boundless as well as timeless and spaceless, for time and space are dependent on the existence of physical and mental boundaries (which presupposes the notion that physical reality is not as solid as we think).

And so on... I am not going to present a long list of rational arguments, but urge you to do your own research, if you find it necessary. Suffise to say that according to this way of seeing things, everything that we see and don't see (for surely our faculties of perception and our rational understanding of reality are restricted!), all the experiences we have had, have and will have in the future, all the various manifestations of the natural realm that we can love and hate, use and abuse - all are but aspects of the One - whose abode, so as to speak, is in the eternal, timeless and boundless Now. My body, my emotions and my thoughts, as well as my spiritual aspects, are accordingly also One and only seemingly different from one another. My soul is only seemingly separated from my body. I am only seemingly separated from you. And what about time? Is each moment a separate bead on a straight string of moments? What happens when thinking disappears? Will there still be a perception of time as passing? I suggest you try this one out for yourself!

You may rightfully ask how it is possible that your experience of the world as consisting of neatly separated objects is so acute and convincing, if reality is really boundless? And who or what is experiencing the world as a conglomerate of separate bits and pieces and random events? These are obviously very complex issues, and I cannot hope but to brush their surfaces within the confines of this article. But I will present you with a few more viewpoints in relation to my previous discussion about the role of language, hoping thus to reinforce the idea of our basic identity as boundless and independent of social conventions, as well as renunciation as a natural part of human evolution.

A human being is very much identified with language, and many a philosopher - notably Heidegger - has considered language to be the prerequisite for our sense of being-in-the-world. As soon as we have an experience, we analyze and define it through a use of concepts. There is thus an automatic division between experiencer and experienced - created through thoughts. But according to transpersonal theory, this is only one of many levels of consciousness. This is the level of the ego - in other words the level on which our sense of individuality is being created and maintained through discursive thinking. And as we saw before, discursive thinking is constantly making choices between pairs of opposites. If a thing is not this, it must be that. Because I am me, I cannot be you. And I do know I am me because I am capable of analyzing feedback from my environment! A sense of boundaries is thus maintained. It is very hard for us to think in terms of both-and rather than either-or, and pairs of opposites are particularly difficult for us to contain underneath the same conceptual roof.

Within zen buddhism, intellectual paradoxes - koans - are being used as a means of forcing the rational mind to surrender to a higher form of intuitive knowledge. Experiences of meditation also show that it is possible to have awareness without having thoughts. And believe me - a lot of interesting things start to happen when thoughts are giving way. Meditation is thus a method for deautomatizing - renouncing - our dependency on rational thinking. But what in my experience also starts to happen is a joining of all sorts of opposites, on all levels of the psyche. Eventually even highly charged attitudes of liking and disliking will be married in a new synthesis of deep and honest compassion towards all living beings.

All the shady parts of the psyche will be brought into the light of consciousness, where if met with patience and acceptance, will gradually be integrated into the sphere of love.I feel that Good and Evil should also be acknowledged as equals, for they are but aspects of one and the same thing, and as transitory and relative as all aspects of the worldly realm. I believe that they exist as tools in the school of life, but that the Absolute One is beyond such dualism. Their mission is to help us evolve and eventually to wake us up from the grips of Maya, the power of illusion. When this has been accomplished, they lose their existential meaning for us and will only remain as points of reference for our continued being-in-the-world. All physical, emotional and mental faculties that were cultivated prior to the insight regarding the true nature of human existence, will be included on this new level of consciousness, but there will be no more dependency on them as they will be understood as transitory and therefore no source of lasting happiness. When consciousness rises above the level of discursive thought, all conceptual categories are transcended. This means that there are no words, concepts or mental categories for the kind of experiences that are now being met. We may have to resort to words like joy, bliss, love and happiness in order to indicate what we are experiencing, but it should be kept in mind that these are concepts issued out of a dualist experience of life.

When consciousness no longer identifies with language, the role of the ego also changes, since it is dependent on the illusion of boundaries for its sense of individuality. The ego has to abdicate its autocracy. It does so reluctantly, but it has no real choice. Because we believe so firmly in its solidity, the thought of losing it seems preposterous. We imagine that without a self-sense we'd be thrown into some indefinable void, where we'd be demolished. The ego doesn't, however, vanish - the enlightened being will remain an individual with a certain personality - but it will have lost its hold of the mind. The ego was responsible for the pains and frustrations brought about by the process of choicemaking. The constant swinging from one opposite to another, from pain to pleasure and back again, from possessing to not possessing, and the driving force behind all this - our desires - were very much dependent on the existence of the ego and its analytic faculties, since these are the ones that tied us up and made us resist the movement of change. The process of letting go of the ego and its liaisons may be long or short, but it will happen, as naturally as flowers bloom and fruits and berries ripen - when the time is right.

For reasons that I am not going to speculate about in this context, it seems that a great deal of people are now going through such transformative processes of letting go of emotional and mental dependencies, and this is often happening with great intensity and an accelerated tempo. Most of these people do not find it necessary to take refuge in the confinement of monasteries. In some respects this may be a harder way of maturing, but there is a great deal of support to be found within society today. Consider also this as a way of learning to understand the meaning of the statement that "All is One": in other words that there is no real difference between the supreme state of enlightenment and the toil and moil of everyday life. And I believe that as a process of unification is going on within a great number of people, so it is being reflected within society as well.

To summarize my previous arguments, I would claim that there is a healthy form of renunciation which concerns the letting go of possessive attachments to places, objects, people, memories, and experiences in general, and that this is a matter of the mind. An unhealthy form of renunciation, on the other hand, is one were any form of repression and resistance is the case. But my point is also, that renunciation is not an exclusively "spiritual" phenomenon in the sense that only people with a particularly spiritual outlook are confronted with such issues. On the contrary, we are dealing with the issue all the time, just through the simple process of living life and seeking ways in which we can live it more fluently.

There are, of course, different levels of renunciation. We have to let go of one moment and one thought in order to pass on the next one - this is happening on a very fundamental level of our being-in-the world. Deciding to give up smoking would, on the other hand, involve the discursive mind and probably relate to a number of feelings as well. Acts of renunciation of greater ontological purport would again be taking place on higher levels of consciousness, and this includes the kind of renunciation that I have been focusing on here, namely the kind that helps us break loose from the fetters of illusion. I admit at being especially concerned with the transcendental aspects of human existence, and I'm well aware that many people find discussions about enlightenment rather high-flying: why concern oneself with something that may take place at some indefinite point in the future? My point is, however, that this very moment with all its petty concerns is as "holy" and purposeful as a mystical experience. I feel that there is no need to mystify the spiritual and to create an awe-inspiring abyss between the heavenly and the mundane. Although in attempting to express the ontological foundations of reality we are helplessly drawn into a labyrinth of theories and conceptual categories, this is still part of our nature and our process of living and should therefore be honored, as well.

The important thing is that we look inside of ourselves and express what it is that we are finding there. If the forces of the unconscious are overpowering, then we can always get help in processing the material. In mirroring each other, we are all each other's teachers! But now some closing words on the subject of "ultimate" renunciation, were the beginning meets the end and the circle closes...When a person renounces all attachments to the worldly aspects of existence, there is a final union of opposites: the life-force of the earth will join its heavenly counterpart. In terms of Hinduist mythology: Shakti will rise to join her mate Shiva, and together they will infuse the physical dimension with the power of ultimate Truth. In Buddhist term, the individual enters Nirvana, and becomes one with the Void. The Void is defined as non-being because in one sense, it is the opposite of being-in-the world, which is the only form of being that we are conscious of before waking up to the state of Nirvana. From an absolute point of view, these are of course not in a state of opposition to. This ultimate state is certainly not a void devoid of life. In fact it seems that the void is the abode of all possibilities, of everything that could ever be manifested. And of course I lack the words to describe what I can only intuitively divine...

It goes without saying that the process of purification - of giving up ones desires and bindings - is, an arduous affair. Not only are there a great deal of conflicts (disharmonious relations between polarities) to solve and dependencies to give up, but there is also the simple fact that we have grown used to the world. The world and I - we have been through a lot together. Giving up such a relationship will necessary entail grief. But it is very important to mourn, for it is a purifying process during which masses of stagnated feelings will reach the surface and vanish. And in this process we will become true masters of our emotional lives. No, not dictators, but skilled and loving masters. The fact that must not be surpassed is that whatever happens to our consciousness, we still are human beings and will remain as such until the moment of our physical death. We will have to go on living as usual. In my opinion, a purified person is not in any way of greater value than anybody else - how could it be otherwise, if all is One. But he or she will be an unclogged channel of Spirit, and in infusing physical reality with this force, I've no doubt that such an individual is of importance in the rebalancing of the destructive (read: disharmonious) forces of our dear and beautiful planet.

If all that I have been saying is anywhere close to being true, then it is possible for man to fly into the soaring heights of Heaven with wings of Spirit, light and pure. But beware, for we are not only spirit! May be that our world is an illusion, but it is a very real illusion infused with real value and real purpose (for can we really talk about real and not real, if all is One?), and we are responsible for it. So as long as we are also this body, in this magnificent but badly bruised and crippled world of ours, we need, at the same time, to stay close, very, very close to the earth with its animals and trees and plants and rocks and soil, and all the things that we have created through our intellectual reflection... We need indeed to draw so close, so close that suddenly we are drawn right into it and we realize that this is us! And this, I think, is the riddle of life, the final paradox that we need to solve. In order to become truly humans. In order to become truly free.


Artwork "The Leap Of Faith", handmade collage by author, all rights reserved; copyright V-M C 2004