HAVING THE COURAGE TO ADMIT WHAT YOUR LIFE REALLY IS LIKE

I feel ratty and complaintive because there are issues I feel I can't fix. I have fixed many, many personal issues in my life time. But there comes a point when you start banging your head in the wall, and it won't give way. Life moves in phases, and the "fixing" stage is over. Something else must take its place, otherwise one is simply indulging in a rather egotistical stance, a hubris which stops the "water of life" from flowing freely. I guess what always remains is the necessity of letting go, because change is the essence of life and we can't keep accumulating stuff or issues. Resolution has to occur so that change and evolution can carry on towards greater heights - you leave something behind in order to embrace a new mode of being. This is a movement towards greater depth of being. Paradoxicially, life becomes more complex, i.e. there are more facets of life to experience. You simply can't deal with this complexity if your life is too full of trivia. This is why simplifying one's life is important. "True complexity" is where life feels deep and meaningful and full of mysterious viewpoints, but there is no compulsion to find immediate resolution to all these aspects of being that seem out of reach. When you are able to let it be, you are less scattered and overwhelmed by life, and more able to enjoy the exploration that living this life really is.

The trick is to know what one needs to let go of. It could, for instance, be the "fixing mode". That mode can prevent a person from opening up to an experience of the greater mystery of life. It's not uncommon to get stuck before a truly transformative experience of life where something greater seems to be taking over, because one perceives of it as an intimidating prospect, and it also seems demanding and overwhelming. Some people are too lazy and lacking in motivation, while other people are asking too much of themselves too soon. Others are escapist and cling to various dogmatic systems for answers, when in fact they need to look into themselves and stop distracting themselves. Seeing where you really are in your own developmental place in the grand scheme of things takes honesty and courage. I rather say place - I don't like to talk about a person's spiritual path because I see it as limiting and encouraging of a judgmental "us and them" way of thinking that is only moving in one direction. In reality, our evolution is moving in all directions all at once, and may very well be too complicated for anyone to really comprehend. You just need to be open to possibilities and try and let it flow.

It's easier said than done. "Just go with the flow" can become yet another stressful compulsion, or chore. Over the years, I've become more and more sensitive to simplistic solutions that some people are so eager to offer other people in their environment. Often, these methods to a happier life seem disrespectful of the deep truth that we really are all quite different with a unique set of life experiences behind us. I like to honour individuality, uniqueness and originality. Of course, there are many things we all have in common, and we are certainly all plugged into the collective consciousness and all the issues humanity has to deal with. But someone who has dug really deep for a long time will be very weary of the same old "truths" that people like to recycle over and over... often in the name of distraction and entertainment rather than serious minded spirituality.

I revere certain spiritual teachers and their viewpoints, but I also like to think for myself. I don't find the tired quotes and glossy scraplike images about how to live life better that are dotted around Facebook inspiring at all. They often reflect a kind of sentimentalism, which isn't a heartfelt truth but just a regurgitation of the same old sayings and viewpoints to the point of sickliness. Sickly sweet "truths" can actually often feel quite patronising. "I found this truth, here you are, how sad you haven't realised it yet but never mind, thankfully I got it, isn't it amazing what great friends I have who post this stuff so I can share it". On the other hand, when people speak from their hearts, I feel inspired. And I need it in order to further my own thinking.

One must move away from the banal, by thinking for oneself. To live life spiritually, is to live it with mindful generosity. There is in fact a fine line between the banal and the elitist. While both are self-indulgent, somewhere away from these extremes there is a point of truthful compassion. As an artist, I experience this acutely. Finding the visual expression that will speak to the greatest number of people without falling into the category of tired banality on the one hand or exclusivity on the other, isn't always very obvious. There is great compassion in a generous stance that doesn't condemn and exclude those who aren't very articulate, clever or forward thinking. But you also owe it to yourself to say no to the temptation to speak to the masses only on their terms. To make art and other creations to please the masses when you can do better, is to encourage the soulless and mediocre. One must have the courage to create what feels right, even at the risk of being held a laughing stock, or not being respected. If you do value your individuality, then you must use it to create something unique. Perhaps it's avant garde, i.e. it's reflecting a vision that will be acknowledged by future generations. Good artists and other creative people are always ahead of their times. They are able to intuit the issues of the future, and offer new and exciting viewpoints that people will be able to use to the advancement of all mankind.

There certainly are a number of collective beliefs that hold us back. I was thinking about them with my husband in the car the other day. I may be allergic to simplistic systems that tell you that it's easy to rewire your brain if you really want to, but it doesn't mean I think it's all bullshit. In the following are ten sketchy examples of the truths that humans tend to believe in and that we should try and address consciously. You can't do it until you're ready to understand how it all works in your own life, however. Otherwise you're just swallowing the truth and probably regurgitating it in a mechanical way. You need to fully understand where you're standing in life and what beliefs are affecting you in which way. These beliefs go in pairs, because extremes always do.

1. We think we need to be "special" in order to have a "special" life of high standard. This only leads to endlessly seeking other people's approval, and we often fail in feeling anything but mediocre. Alternatively, we have an inflated ego and narcissistic tendencies.

2. We think we need other people's permission to do extraordinary things, or to be something other than we really are. Alternatively, we go off and do random things that don't make any sense to anyone else.

3. We think we must be dependent on other people, otherwise we'll perish. This usually also means, that other people are to blame, because co-dependency implies a lack of true responsibility for our own actions and thus we believe we are victims. Alternatively, we believe we can only live for ourselves, independently of others, and we also have power over others because of our supremacy.
4. We feel that holding onto people and things creates a sense of safety. To be truly free is a scary prospect. How can we be sure that life really carries us, that the ground won't give way? Alternatively, we might try and live anarchically, or monastically, but in reality we can't function without some kind of framework. This paradox is hard to resolve.

5. We believe we can only have good things if we work hard enough. There is no end to how hard we msut work. We must always contribute to society, which we objectify as "the other" (though it really encompasses ourselves). Alternatively, we are lazy and believe that society should offer us what we think is our birthright simply because we were born. 

6. There isn't enough time for all the things you think you have to do, and what you also want to do (dreams tend to take second place). Alternatively, we just waste our lives and regret not having lived it more wisely when we're old. 

7. There isn't enough money to go around, and why should I have it when millions have nothing? Alternatively, I should have everything I want because I'm worth it! It doesn't matter what happens to others.

8. Only I can fulfill this task, which is my mission. I have a talent, an education, a Western enlightened mind, so I must use it, even if it means I'm not going to enjoy life to its fullest. I need to contribute to society, to the world, to the Universe - in fact I need to save everything I possibly can and it's up to me to fix all collective problems from global warming to mistreated Palestinians. Alternatively, I think I'm rubbish at everything, I can't compare with those who are talented and good, and have nothing to contribute in any way whatsoever, so might as well just vegetate on the couch.

9. People believe that negative thoughts are bad, so they suppress them. Paradoxically, positive thoughts also become bad because life becomes an act of suppression and control rather than embracing all aspects of life in a balanced and mindful way. Shit happens, that's life.

10. To the broken mind, guilt is a propellor, a driving force. Guilt keeps the world go around more than money ever did. How valuable do you think guilt really is, or is there reason to scrap it? Is it possible to assume responsibility for your own life and that of the collective in a way that doesn't involve guilt? Can you feel that what you're doing is sufficient, rather than constantly lacking in something?

So how do we sort out these beliefs? Most of us swing from one extreme to another at various points in our lives. I believe in the golden middle path. How can we live through all these false beliefs and find some way that really works, possibly somewhere in the middle, away from the extremes? That would be a start, anyway... Compassion comes in many forms. How you decide to live your life matters to other people, sometimes more than you could possibly imagine. It's an act of kindness to consider this. You can retrain your brain (good old CBT) but sometimes we have too much on our plate. Be kind to yourself first and foremost. Seek out the right kind of people who can give you the right kind of support, who don't think you're just throwing a pity party because you're feeling out of sorts and anxious that life isn't what you keep visualizing in your mind.

Sometimes what we need first is just good sleep and lots of rest. And if you suffer from insomnia and an over active nervous system the way I do, then that must somehow be taken care of. Perhaps I can't fix it, but that doesn't mean there isn't a solution out there, in some form or another. Sometimes it takes time to uncover a solution, because it depends on so many things we can't control. Just be open to the possibility and have the courage to look at life with wide open eyes. You can't escape it forever. Life doesn't only exist through your subjective perception. That's a very extreme and silly notion.

And as Ken and Andrew are saying in this dialogue, "Psychology versus Enlightenment", of the Guru and the Pandit, enlightenment is realising there is no such thing. Oh, and you might like to take the way of the Moomin to heart. That's real common sense wisdom! Check out their 50 lessons in life...

POSITIVE VERSUS NEGATIVE THINKING AND FEELING... A BIT OF BOTH MAYBE!

It's my experience that positive and negative feelings are perfectly capable of co-existing in a person. This is yet another reason why some of the chakra books are in my mind quite silly; how often do you not hear that if your heart is closed, then you're a callous person. Nothing in my own life points to the idea that I am a callous person through and through even though I've had problems with opening up emotionally and still don't feel quite balanced. Basically, if upper levels of consciousness are well developed it's going to show, even  if the chakras are temporarily closed or just "troubled". By temporarily I mean anything from a few seconds to a few decades, if not even more (though I doubt this is possible). I think that a "deeper insight into life" as I call it for convenience's sake, will make itself known in a way of poking at your attention, wanting you to sort yourself up, clear out emotional garbage and become a more whole individual.

It's all very well... but at some point you might run out of fuel. I got seriously tired of staring at my own navel, dealing with endless emotional issues... year in and year out. To be fair, entering a solid relationship changed my perspective a bit as there isn't a whole lot you can do about all the things that pop up during your journey together. Basically I just expect matters to take their own course, much as they used to, but with less active involvement from myself. Finding a new way to live is already a lot of work... I no longer have the same time to spend so you deal with issues when they come up and when you have a convenient slot. You talk, you agree, you decide to try and do better next time... on it goes. I'm sure it's going somewhere. You rest assured that as you get used to each other, it all gets easier. In our case, we've lived a long life without this sort of committed relationship and it isn't easy to change gear. 

For sure, I've also been wondering about the collective energies... people seemed dazed and eager to numb themselves up, and as they push positive emotions aside they are more likely to act out their ruthless instincts. I feel that I'm not the only one who feels tired and overwhelmed by the scope of personal and collective problems. Basic survival is something so many are dealing with... all the more reason to come down from an over-intellectualizing stance and work on grounding oneself in a reality that isn't all that pleasant - I know it doesn't seem like it but I'm sure that any kind of grounding will help in the long run! 

Over at the integral website people have been attacking each other like wild animals in a cage, presumably trying to protect their territory with the use of one of the most potent of weapons, a high intelligence quota. It's no doubt a sign of the times... and where better to act out all the Shadow issues that want to be known than in a community where people trigger your deepest fears or your most potent irritation. I believe we are all under a lot of pressure. I offered the view point that maybe people are frustrated with other people in their real lives, yet feeling quite helpless, and taking it out on each other within a virtual community... I say this because I myself feel extremely frustrated with people in general. If a big corporation tries to screw me over, I experience almost blind hatred and I will not give up until I have fought the beast - I simply cannot tolerate falsehood and greed. This stubbornness of mine has usually generated some kind of results, for instance the withdrawal of further payments for a complete and utter pile of garbage a company called a laptop.  The Finnish company Sonera had sold me this PC a number of years ago. In total, I spent 400 out of 700 euros on it, a price I could just barely accept. Never in the history of such purchases (with monthly instalments since it was all I could afford) had a customer actually been given into. I was triumphant but it was at the expense of my peace of mind over a period of several months. I'm assuming that part of my extreme emotional reactions to things is due to my condition, which after all is endlessly revolving around the issue of fight and flight. 

As for individuals, well it's not easy. When you relocate to a new culture, you have plenty figure out. Add to this the erratic energies at this point in time, as well as personal issues with health and money, and you have a cocktail that is difficult to digest. Sometimes when I listen to music from the 1960s it hits me how light and airy everything seemed compared to now. Now it seems we are all wrapped in a dark blanket, with fear of suffocation. It's easy to say that your reactions are a choice, even my husband goes on about it. But if you feel deeply, you don't necessarily feel that you have a choice. It's more about riding the storm, about surviving without losing your mind, about not giving up. What is remarkable is that all of us, in my close family, feel that something is going to change. We have had dreams and intuitions. You keep reminding yourself that it's the darkest before dawn... and I mean really dark. Don't feel too guilty about not always feeling all encompassing compassion. It's not necessarily a case of not having any. For instance, every time I think of organ donation I sincerely wish I could give my healthy organs away to someone in need. In fact I get incredibly emotional about it. I think that counts as compassion. I also see other random signs of compassion in myself, and when it's there, it's forceful. Sometimes my heart feels to big for my chest... But I also have dark feelings, ones that I really feel guilty about, and though I think "I am feeling this because it's reflecting my Shadow self and it needs attention", I simply don't have the stamina to deal with all of it. I resolve to give myself a bit of a break during these hard times.

I read this article on the idea that "positive thinking" isn't very fruitful. Read it, it's thought provoking. Of course, the point is not to think negatively, as the title suggests. The poit, in my opinion, is to be realistic. This is what I think: Have a goal but don't just day dream about it... take proper action, pretty much like the Chinese would say. If you can't do anything concrete, you need patience until the time is right. Think about the obstacles and how you can remove them - if you feel you can't, then can you get back to it later or find another way? Can you just trust that it will work out somehow if it's something that will be really useful on your journey towards a greater you? I know it's very easy to get entangled in all sorts of complicated thought processes which contradict one another. Try and keep the basic idea simple, is my advice. Feel what you want in life rather than just thinking it. Is it real, is it what you really wish for, or is it just a pointless idea that doesn't really fit into your existence? Is it part of an intuition about your true potential in this life or is it just wishful thinking? Are you prepared to take the responsibilities that this particular path will manifest?  Engage in the thoughts and feelings but then leave them be when you have decided that it's a goal that is truly worth pursuing. It's important to relax and let go of any attempts at controlling the outcome. You can always come back to it at a later point in time when more thinking is useful. It's useful to trust that if it's meant to be, it will be, and vice versa. 

I like to be pragmatic about life and what we have been "given" in terms of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual functions. I don't want to deem any of it as bad but rather, look at it and see how this function can be used to one's advantage. Perhaps this is how you become less of a slave to conditioning that doesn't serve you. Remember, that "positive thinking" is as heavily polarised as negative thinking, and that in fact you need a mixture of all sorts of thinking and feeling in order to make things happen in this world. Don't fight the misgivings, the insight into the obstacles... embrace them and relax into the vision you have, with all its aspects... a little bit of fear can fuel your realism, just don't let it take over so much it hinders your movements. Also remember that the more likely your actions are to help others, the more likely you are to be following a good path that is inspired from your core self. It's not easy, in fact at the moment I personally feel terrible polarised and conflicted on the inside. But... in a few decades people will think our attitudes were mighty strange! They will laugh at the very notion that positive thinking on its own would get you anywhere. How much a slave of collective ideas are you?

Artwork: "Be Merry For You Won't Die", handmade mixed media collage by Vivi-Mari Carpelan, copyright 2012